You should find out why she doesn't like or respect him. If it's for a stupid reason and you are serious with your boyfriend, then I think the choice should be obvious. If it's because she saw him doing or saying something bad (hitting on another girl, hitting on her, making bigoted comments when they were hanging out, purposely hitting puppies with his car, etc), then perhaps its good for you to know about these things. Perhaps she doesn't want you to be hurt, so she's wussing out on telling you that the guy is a scumbag. I doubt that's the case, but you should find out why she doesn't like him and use that as the basis for your decision. She doesn't just not like him for "no reason".
1. Your friend has no class. Until she can show some, you shouldn't hang out with her. She doesn't have to like your boyfriend, but if she can't keep her mouth shut and be civil, then she isn't much of a friend. Blatant disrespect shouldn't be tolerated.
2. My first thought was honestly that she is either involved with your boyfriend and trying to either hide it or break you two up, or that she came onto him while they were alone and he told her no, so she's pissed at him.
2. My first thought was honestly that she is either involved with your boyfriend and trying to either hide it or break you two up, or that she came onto him while they were alone and he told her no, so she's pissed at him.
dullard
Elite Member
- May 21, 2001
- 26,056
- 4,704
- 126
1) Have you ever watched Seinfeld? Never, ever mix signficant others with friends. Their worlds shouldn't ever cross as it will mean the end of everything. Ok, I don't really think that is always the case, but sometimes that is a good rule to follow.
2) There IS a reason for this behavior. We can't diagnose it from here. Like others have said she may want to date him, he may have hit on her, or there is something wrong with him that you are too blind to see. Those would be the 3 common things to look at, but there could be many other causes for this behavior. Don't take it lightly. This could be a serious problem. It is better to know now than later.
3) I'm sorry you had to see that side of women. We men are fighting it all the time. Just come out and tell us the problem. Even if it is a painful situation, knowing it now is less painful than years of hiding it and then a far bigger blowup later.
2) There IS a reason for this behavior. We can't diagnose it from here. Like others have said she may want to date him, he may have hit on her, or there is something wrong with him that you are too blind to see. Those would be the 3 common things to look at, but there could be many other causes for this behavior. Don't take it lightly. This could be a serious problem. It is better to know now than later.
3) I'm sorry you had to see that side of women. We men are fighting it all the time. Just come out and tell us the problem. Even if it is a painful situation, knowing it now is less painful than years of hiding it and then a far bigger blowup later.
I'd agree with this. I have a roommate who seems to have this type of issue go on everytime I go out on a date or meet someone new.
If I went out on a second date within a week (or two) he'd always make little comments like "Are you two married yet?" If I find someone new "Make sure you take it slower than the last one." "You spend too much time with her. Don't do anything stupid and move in with each other."
I just started dating a new gal, we went out the last two days as of now, and when I went to go talk to him last night. He sat there for about 10 minutes making fun of her. He's never even met her yet, and I've said nothing about her to him as of yet except her name. After 10 minutes I just asked "Are you having fun entertaining yourself? I think shes a sweetheart and I like her." So hes like "Sweetheart huh? haha Did you ask her for a hug at the end of the night? Man you're ghey."
I find it to be very rude, and I know if he continues he won't be my friend for long.
---
But to answer your question, if she is being rude with you and your BF, just stop inviting her out with you two. Just let her sit by herself with her pity party while you both are going out enjoying yourselves.
Your friend has "more than friend" feelings for you and is confused.
This reminds me of a summer I spent with a girl and her best friend. We were like the three musketeers til one day she became bitter and jealous.
Turns out she was "in love" with my girlfriend.
It's more common (especially at that age) than you'd think.
If only she'd spoken up I'd have gladly been willing to share :evil:
This reminds me of a summer I spent with a girl and her best friend. We were like the three musketeers til one day she became bitter and jealous.
Turns out she was "in love" with my girlfriend.
It's more common (especially at that age) than you'd think.
If only she'd spoken up I'd have gladly been willing to share :evil:
Inspector Jihad
Lifer
- Apr 17, 2005
- 13,465
- 3
- 81
Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
Bro's before H-
Oh wait, wrong gender.
- M4H
h-before bros?
Uhm, Rachael...I think it's time for you to make another update. One that will explode this thread into something very very big.
Aikouka
Lifer
- Nov 27, 2001
- 30,383
- 912
- 126
The Dr. Phils of ATOT cannot keep themselves away from some goodies like this!
Based on what you said below about an open relationship, I don't see it being too significant. In my opinion, if your relationship is open, then you cannot commit in a manner that makes a relationship what it is. We call this "friends with benefits."
Sounds like either she is a horrible judge of character or she had a weird childhood that makes her extremely critical of men. The fact that she takes negativity given to her and retaliates in an extreme manner (cheating on her significant other) shows that she doesn't have the proper mentality to be going about this. This only strengthens my belief that she has mental issues that were quite possibly formed during childhood.
If she didn't really know him before that time, there's the issue. Her first impression, and we all know how important it is for guys to make a good first impression with women, of your "boyfriend" is extremely poor. Since you really opened up about the negativity in your relationship, she probably associated that to her past failed relationships that were full of negativity.
She can't, it sounds like she doesn't trust men. Probably going to end up becoming a swiffer soon. Get it.. swiffer... cleans carpets :laugh:.
Well, she isn't going to understand that because she's never seen it before. Her past relationships (to her) have been bad. The men were untrustworthy and left a bad taste on her mouth... worse than that taste you get when you wake up in the morning :Q!
DVad3r
Diamond Member
- Jan 3, 2005
- 5,340
- 3
- 81
First of all all women are haters naturally deep down inside. They are the only ones to always ploy and mash up everything in their paths mentally, even when there is reason not to.
Second, never bring a third wheel person with you and your SO. It sucks for the person because they are left out. Especially since your friend is a girl.
Third, your friend sounds like a headcase, a person that has been in many relationships already at such a young age, and being cheated on or cheating, leads me to believe that she is a slut deep down inside and is jealous because she cannot hold down a relationship.
Secretely your friend is trying to destroy something that she does not have, because people all like to be on the same level.
I have a girlfriend and I have friends and other people that dislike her. 97 % of it is said behind my back and I later find this information out from other sources, but my 1 best friend, tells me straight to my face what he thinks of my gf and vice versa. No one has told me yet that I should break up with my gf to my face or anything of the sort, and if they did I would consider what they said and probably not speak to them often after that. Someone would really have to be hurting to say that to another person, especially if you know the relationship is good.
If I were you I would tell my friend to stfu and relax her face, and appriciate your bf's generousity of driving her ass around with you. Tell her to pay for gas for his tank and buy him lunch. You should pay for his gas too btw, the guy must be suffering.
What sort of open relationship do you have anyways? You mean you can date or do stuff with other people? Or just look and flirt and tell the SO about it, having 100 % trust?
Second, never bring a third wheel person with you and your SO. It sucks for the person because they are left out. Especially since your friend is a girl.
Third, your friend sounds like a headcase, a person that has been in many relationships already at such a young age, and being cheated on or cheating, leads me to believe that she is a slut deep down inside and is jealous because she cannot hold down a relationship.
Secretely your friend is trying to destroy something that she does not have, because people all like to be on the same level.
I have a girlfriend and I have friends and other people that dislike her. 97 % of it is said behind my back and I later find this information out from other sources, but my 1 best friend, tells me straight to my face what he thinks of my gf and vice versa. No one has told me yet that I should break up with my gf to my face or anything of the sort, and if they did I would consider what they said and probably not speak to them often after that. Someone would really have to be hurting to say that to another person, especially if you know the relationship is good.
If I were you I would tell my friend to stfu and relax her face, and appriciate your bf's generousity of driving her ass around with you. Tell her to pay for gas for his tank and buy him lunch. You should pay for his gas too btw, the guy must be suffering.
What sort of open relationship do you have anyways? You mean you can date or do stuff with other people? Or just look and flirt and tell the SO about it, having 100 % trust?
there is always a reason.
If she cannot respect decision that you make, then perhaps she is merely an acquaintance and not a true friend.
If she cannot respect decision that you make, then perhaps she is merely an acquaintance and not a true friend.
Aikouka
Lifer
- Nov 27, 2001
- 30,383
- 912
- 126
Sometimes it takes a friend to tell you a decision you're making is bad.
I have a friend that ended up marrying this one girl that some of our friends said not to. Now he's lost all of his friends, because this girl (his wife) drove them all away ( not the fact that he married her ). Heck, I've been nothing but nice and I don't think she even likes me... I swear whenever I'll talk to him on AIM, it's her talking and if I ever call, no one picks up ( kinda hard to fake a voice
)She's out right now so I'll answer this.
1) Yes, I'm so suffering with gas. And with her living a state away, well oil changes are more frequent than usual.
Usually, she pays me back with dinner or something. It depends on what I need, I guess.2) It's a very confusing open relationship to most. I'm allowed to do what I'd like provided I wear protection and tell her every single thing. Of course, to be fair, she should also be able to do this, but she has absolutely 0% desire to do it herself. The reason why we chose this is because we've read a lot about how it's said you shouldn't be in a serious relationship before 24 or something because you could be too hormonal. The other part of the deal is that I also have a timelimit...until I reach 24 or 25.
This doesn't mean I've done anything. To be honest, I've been way too unsuccessful with that. It would've helped when she was in PA and I was in NYC but nothing happened
; I was way too busy with school there.Well, assuming "open relationship" means you both can just bang whoever you want with no consequences, then perhaps your friend just thinks that is messed up and stopped pretending she thinks it's normal.
To each their own- different things work for different people. While our manner of handling things may not be entirely conventional, who is to say that the conventional way is always the best? Many relationships between people of our age fail because, in spite of things going well between the partners otherwise, there is still this desire to experiment. A great percentage of people in so called "committed" relationships cheat. What's better- to have a relationship in which people are sneaking about and lying about their feelings and actions, or one in which people are open to each other and communicate and are able to think over and discuss their desires? My boyfriend and I are emotionally committed to each other, we trust and rely on each other, and monogamy is not what separates friends with benefits from a relationship. There are many more factors involved.
I'm sure you've already heard what I'm gonna say, but I'll throw my two cents in here anyhow.
I can almost guarantee you that she has some sort of a crush on him.
She is being insanely selfish
She's the kind of girl who blames HER cheating on the ex bf's in her life, that right there tells me an assload about her
My advice, sounds like you and the bf are really into each other now. The friend is nothing but poison. Distance yourself from her, but don't cut her out totally, unless she steps up this behavior.
That will hopefully wake her ass up and she'll quit being a bitch. The other alternative is she doesn't change and you aren't friends anymore, but from the sound of it you won't be losing anything....SHE will.
In fact, you're letting her control this situation already. It's not too late to change this pattern, but you gotta do it now.
I can almost guarantee you that she has some sort of a crush on him.
She is being insanely selfish
She's the kind of girl who blames HER cheating on the ex bf's in her life, that right there tells me an assload about her
My advice, sounds like you and the bf are really into each other now. The friend is nothing but poison. Distance yourself from her, but don't cut her out totally, unless she steps up this behavior.
That will hopefully wake her ass up and she'll quit being a bitch. The other alternative is she doesn't change and you aren't friends anymore, but from the sound of it you won't be losing anything....SHE will.
In fact, you're letting her control this situation already. It's not too late to change this pattern, but you gotta do it now.
Aikouka
Lifer
- Nov 27, 2001
- 30,383
- 912
- 126
(Note, "You" will be referring to "people of our age"!) Yes, in other words, you're too immature to handle a relationship. Instead of thinking with logic, you think with emotions. If you can't get the thoughts out of your head like "well... I am dating so-and-so... but I bet this other girl/guy would be great in bed!"... do so-and-so a favor and break it off. You're not mature enough to handle being in a relatively devoted state to someone (relatively devoted used since the term devoted is best suited for marriage but still trying to push the fact that in a relationship, there is a sense of devotion toward one another).
Then they're not really committed. It ain't rocket science.
How about you try this on for size: NONE.
You're emotionally committed to each other yet you can't keep it in the pants (note, yet again, not calling you out as a person sleeping around. I'm basing this on the concepts). What kind of commitment is that? From what it sounds like to me, you both are so stuck with this idea that you "need" someone in your life that you create a fake sense of being together when in fact... you're miles apart... literally. Your entire relationship is illogical.
Well I'm not going to argue with Aikouka. Perhaps some feel that by calling ourselves in a serious relationship, some may have thought we meant "engagement" or others are just a bit more conservative towards it. It's all a matter of opinion, I believe, in the end; if this country argues about the definition of "marriage" in this day and age, I shouldn't be surprised that there are those who'd question and practically antagonize our definition of a relationship. In the end, I care about her, I hurt when she's hurt, I cry when she cries, I'm insulted when she is, and vice versa. We trust each other, communicate, and we're honest to each other.
A relationship, from what I've learned from my last girlfriend that tore my heart, is not supposed to be entirely logical. If you think you can make and maintain a relationship through logic, you have both little experience and almost no idea. That's the only argument I have against it, other than that it's entirely your opinion and you seem very passionate about it. Just go turn on HBO Thursdays at 11pm, I forgot what the program is called but you'd be surprised just how open people in marriages even are (sadly, when or if I get married, that's a ball and chain, I won't have the desire to do that anymore)
I didn't know that she was going to post this on ATOT; I was afraid that you guys would attack rather than help.
Thanks to all those who help, but something struck me as interesting. Specifically this:
Two weeks ago, we all had a bit to drink and...wait hold on.
Are you 18 years old or over? If so read on, but this will be considered TMI to some.
So two weeks ago we all had a bit to drink and we all did "that" together. The weird thing was that she was paying practically total attention to Rachael and couldn't stop calling out her name (oooh....burn on me). Now that I think about it, she has dabbled a bit with the same crowd, couldn't stop complimenting her at times, and she has admitted to being jealous when Rachael's attention is to me and not her earlier on.
I smell a soap opera and I don't like being a part of it.
So Aikouka, I respect your opinions but let's not have a bad taste in our mouths over this. We're dealing with that already with who I consider vermin for deceiving her and breaking her trust.
A relationship, from what I've learned from my last girlfriend that tore my heart, is not supposed to be entirely logical. If you think you can make and maintain a relationship through logic, you have both little experience and almost no idea. That's the only argument I have against it, other than that it's entirely your opinion and you seem very passionate about it. Just go turn on HBO Thursdays at 11pm, I forgot what the program is called but you'd be surprised just how open people in marriages even are (sadly, when or if I get married, that's a ball and chain, I won't have the desire to do that anymore
)I didn't know that she was going to post this on ATOT; I was afraid that you guys would attack rather than help.
Thanks to all those who help, but something struck me as interesting. Specifically this:
Two weeks ago, we all had a bit to drink and...wait hold on.
Are you 18 years old or over? If so read on, but this will be considered TMI to some.
So two weeks ago we all had a bit to drink and we all did "that" together. The weird thing was that she was paying practically total attention to Rachael and couldn't stop calling out her name (oooh....burn on me). Now that I think about it, she has dabbled a bit with the same crowd, couldn't stop complimenting her at times, and she has admitted to being jealous when Rachael's attention is to me and not her earlier on.
I smell a soap opera and I don't like being a part of it.
So Aikouka, I respect your opinions but let's not have a bad taste in our mouths over this. We're dealing with that already with who I consider vermin for deceiving her and breaking her trust.
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