ATOT'ers: First kid + small condo - How long did you last?

[z1ggy]

Please don’t plan on working from home to take care of your kid. That’s exactly the mindset that makes it difficult to get employers to allow WFH opportunities. If you’re playing with your kid, or changing them, cooking for them etc you’re not working. And kids keep you consistently busy. I can’t tell you how math complaints I’ve read aimed at coworkers who happened to have screaming babies in the back ground while important meetings and phone calls were happening.

That's very true. But it would hopefully mean I'll have a little bit more play with my schedule as opposed to having to arrive at an office for strict office hours, like my wife does. One of us has to be more flexible to be able to drop kid off with whoever will be watching them.

I dated a girl years ago who got to work from home 1 day a week. I was off of work that week so she came over and spent the day with me. She just sat there all day watching tv with me while she was "on call" and had to attend a 1 hour telecon around 1pm. Sounds a lot better than driving 90 mins in and out of an office just to do the same thing.

 

[ultimatebob]

I dated a girl years ago who got to work from home 1 day a week. I was off of work that week so she came over and spent the day with me. She just sat there all day watching tv with me while she was "on call" and had to attend a 1 hour telecon around 1pm. Sounds a lot better than driving 90 mins in and out of an office just to do the same thing.

Yup.... it's people like that who killed Work From Home for the rest of us.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

You're definitely right but honestly doing that means leaving 100% of our family behind. We don't want our kid(s) growing up without seeing their grandparents and other family members on a regular basis.

NJ is 100% a long commute, high cost , high stress state... but it's not about me anymore unfortunately. I had my chance to get out 3-4 yrs ago and I didn't take it. Perhaps if all of my wife's family wanted to move to NC or something, then we'd consider it.

There's also the issue she's a medical practitioner so there's licensing and crap involved with the state you're in. Probably simple enough to deal with but just another hoop to jump through.

I do understand. I just want to say that most of my regrets in this life are based in not taking risks when it mattered and too many when it didn't. The life you choose for yourself and family matters a lot. Choose carefully not safely.

 

[vi edit]

Since this thread has already kinda gone sideways in discussion, I'll just toss in personal experiences.

I've moved kids that were 5 minutes from Grandpa and Grandma to over 7 hours away. We still facetime on weekends, see each other several times a year, and during the summer my parents watch the kids for a week for more time and a breather for us.

We're now in the process of making a 2300 mile move from one side of the country to another. My wife is a licensed professional (pharmacist) and is working through that process. We are downsizing from a nearly 4000 sq/ft house to one with less than 2000 sq/ft and no basement. But we are gaining a 15 minute bike ride or public transit hop to work, schools for kids are a couple minute walk, and an endless number of restaurants and bars/breweries in close walking proximity. None of those are things we've had access to in the past.

Sometimes you have to just tear off the bandaid and roll with it.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Since this thread has already kinda gone sideways in discussion, I'll just toss in personal experiences.

I've moved kids that were 5 minutes from Grandpa and Grandma to over 7 hours away. We still facetime on weekends, see each other several times a year, and during the summer my parents watch the kids for a week for more time and a breather for us.

We're now in the process of making a 2300 mile move from one side of the country to another. My wife is a licensed professional (pharmacist) and is working through that process. We are downsizing from a nearly 4000 sq/ft house to one with less than 2000 sq/ft and no basement. But we are gaining a 15 minute bike ride or public transit hop to work, schools for kids are a couple minute walk, and an endless number of restaurants and bars/breweries in close walking proximity. None of those are things we've had access to in the past.

Sometimes you have to just tear off the bandaid and roll with it.

It's also in the eye of the beholder because... well....

In all honesty none of that sounds appealing to me in the slightest...

Public transit? Yeah fuck that, getting squished to death in rush hour sounds like fun. I love being within breathing distance of people.
Restaurants and Breweries a walk away? Honestly 5-10m in the car never bothered me.
We recently moved further out to the 'burbs (even further than our previous 'burbs) and it is a night and day difference. Medical specialist related stuff aside - I have zero reason to go into town anymore.

Or really go anywhere. I'd rather live in a home that I don't mind staying in all day than a home with nothing you want to do with public trendy things you can pay for outside.

 

[vi edit]

We've progressively moved closer and closer in to our work. Omaha was 35 minute drive from outter 'burbs. Peoria was 30 minutes. Lexington was 20-45 depending on time of day. Soon it will be 10-15 minutes on bike. As for squishing, we're right off a major bike path and pedestrian only crossing that drops us off in front of our offices. Very little of our commute will see a car. And with public transit, our employer pays for it and I'm fine sharing space with the rest of humanity.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

We've progressively moved closer and closer in to our work. Omaha was 35 minute drive from outter 'burbs. Peoria was 30 minutes. Lexington was 20-45 depending on time of day. Soon it will be 10-15 minutes on bike. As for squishing, we're right off a major bike path and pedestrian only crossing that drops us off in front of our offices. Very little of our commute will see a car. And with public transit, our employer pays for it and I'm fine sharing space with the rest of humanity.

I'm 30 seconds from my office.

Well, sometimes I take the scenic route to the coffee machine on the way. Every now and then my wife will get in the way and delay me another 10 seconds.

 

[pete6032]

I will never understand the hate for public transportation. Most people who whine about it have never ridden it. You quickly realize how fucking awful driving everywhere is once you live somewhere walkable with decent transit options.

 

[vi edit]

I will never understand the hate for public transportation. Most people who whine about it have never ridden it. You quickly realize how fucking awful driving everywhere is once you live somewhere walkable with decent transit options.

Yeah. Not being tethered to a car is fucking liberating. I can grab a seat on the light rail and just chill while everyone else is stuck in a bumper to bumper slog across the bridges. It drops me off right next to my office and I don't have to hunt for a parking spot, pay $100+ a month for parking, or deal with morons if there's couple flakes of snow on the road.

 

[JM Aggie08]

We moved to a 3100sqft home from a 2000sqft home in preparation for our little one. I can't fathom 700sqft, but then again, you live in an area where that is probably common.

 

[BudAshes]

Even just imagining this scenario I last 0 seconds.

 

[RearAdmiral]

Even just imagining this scenario I last 0 seconds.

That turned on?

 

[BudAshes]

That turned on?

I think you are in the wrong thread.

 

[njdevilsfan87]

7 month old son, and we live in a 1BR 750 sq apartment in SoCal. We converted our living room into a bedroom and gave our son the bedroom, so now our setup is like a studio + nursery. The wife and I both work from home part-time. We either take turns, or don't really work much during the day and then put in 3-4 hour after he goes down at 6-7pm. You have good days and bad days. For example one of my latest weekly timesheets went something like 6-8-0-2-1 for the week. But that's fine with my job because I'm still very productive in the tasks I am assigned.

Pros:
* No scary mortgage hanging over our head = no financial stress.
* No financial stress = freedom to work less, work from home, and spend more time raising the child.
* We hardly every drive - literally (and I'm not misusing this word) everything we need is walking distance. This again saves time.
* The small space forces a lot of interaction with baby (good for the baby).
* The small space means you aren't walking very far back and forth to do errands - this conserves energy.
* We don't own the place so if he takes a shit on the rug and the stain doesn't come out, oh well.
* Forces you to get out more, either walking, to the park, etc. Anything but staying in the apartment all day.

Cons:
* Now that he's mobile the place is a constant mess.
* It's definitely a bit claustrophobic, though I don't mind. My wife seems to have more issues with that then I.
* Noise, but thankfully we have an edge unit with maybe half a shared wall, so we don't have much.
* Alone time is minimal. Though my wife and I give each-other the time and quiet after he goes down when we really need it.

We plan to keep this going anywhere from another year to year and a half. After which we will spend many months travelling with our toddler and living in different places, before we decide if we want #2 or not. Regardless if #2 comes along or not, we will move into something larger and newer. I'm not sure where that will be. Heck, maybe we'll even stay in gun-free Australia if we really like it. Who knows...

 

[jpiniero]

^^^

Sounds hellish.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

I will never understand the hate for public transportation. Most people who whine about it have never ridden it. You quickly realize how fucking awful driving everywhere is once you live somewhere walkable with decent transit options.

I've been on it plenty of times - especially Chicago for work. It's pretty sad with all the traffic in that city that even when it's almost rush hour taking a cab for over an hour to the airport is still faster than taking the public transit.

Public transit should be a no brainier that it's faster than sitting in traffic - but for a lot of places that isn't the case.

Also hobos, smokers, being crunched in during rush hour, random long stops and breakdowns, and freezing cold inside the tram (because God forbid you build them underground).


Regardless, since I work from home I didn't choose 1 over the other really.

 

[njdevilsfan87]

^^^

Sounds hellish.

It is very exhausting. Now I understand why they say work is a break from the children. But I won't do that until he's truly ready for daycare, and he's getting close (he's going to be an early walker).

 

[Mai72]

When I lived in South Korea I was taken aback to see the majority of familes living in a one/two room (studio) apartment. You'll adapt. As humans we were made to adapt. I'm not saying it's idea though. I couldn't imagine living in a studio apartment with a wife and 3 kids. I lived with my Thai gf in a studio apartment in Bangkok and I wanted to scream at times. I like personal space, but OTOH I don't really need a huge home eiter. I really like the minimilist approach to living. You just don't need a lot of things, and IMO the many things we gather just ends up collecting dust and weighs us down. Get rid of that crap. We are so attached to our things. Get rid of it. Live a simplier life. You'll probably enjoy life more, and you'll be living more in the present. When my mom passed away we found so much crap that she was hoarding. She was always stressed about money. About paying for her $55k Volvo, the nice house, expensive clothing, huge TV, etc.I decided then that I wouldn't follow that lifestyle. It can lead to so much pain. Get rid of EVERYTHING. It should be just you, the wife and your baby. Have the bare essentials and that's it. Get rid of the car if you can. I'd love not having a car. They can be a pain in the ass. The maintenance. The worriment of an accident. Car insurance. Car paymetns. Just a thought.

 

[pete6032]

I've been on it plenty of times - especially Chicago for work. It's pretty sad with all the traffic in that city that even when it's almost rush hour taking a cab for over an hour to the airport is still faster than taking the public transit.

Public transit should be a no brainier that it's faster than sitting in traffic - but for a lot of places that isn't the case.

Also hobos, smokers, being crunched in during rush hour, random long stops and breakdowns, and freezing cold inside the tram (because God forbid you build them underground).


Regardless, since I work from home I didn't choose 1 over the other really.

Continue talking out of your ass. It takes 40-45 from ohare to downtown.

 

[purbeast0]

We moved out of our 760sqft apartment into a 2500sqft home before we were even trying to have kids so I can't really comment on that. Now that our son is 4, I feel like we could use a LITTLE bit more space but overall our house is large enough. And I still have my man cave in the basement.

If your job lets you do flex hours, I strongly recommend it. Prior to my son being born, I went to work 9-5 then hit the gym after work and got home like 7:30 every day. I'd stay up to like 1am every day or so and rinse repeat.

Well once my son was born, I was waking up around 5am every day just because of his schedule. He never could latch on so every night I would get up with my wife at like 1-2am and feed our son with a bottle while she pumped, then he'd get up around 5-6am and feed again. After feeding him, instead of going to sleep I'd just go to work.

After doing that for like a week i LOVED the schedule and it's now my regular schedule. I get to work around 6:15am and am home from the gym by 3:30 or 4pm every day. It's fantastic. I wish I was on this schedule the past 10 years before my son was born. I hit absolutely no traffic, if I go eat lunch it's empty, and even on the shortest day of the year, when I get out of work I have hours of sun light.

My son is in preschool now 3 days a week and our mother in law watches him, but we pay her $250/week for it. And we pay for his pre school too which is like $400/month. Next year when he is in kindergarden it's going to work our perfectly because my wife will be able to take him to school before work, and i'll be able to pick him up after I get out of the gym. So we will not be spending $1400/month in childcare/school for him which will own. That's over $15k/yr (cause we don't pay $400/mo in summer for school).

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Continue talking out of your ass. It takes 40-45 from ohare to downtown.

I would fly in to Midway. Ohare is the shit of the shit of airports next to LaGuardia. Orange line would take me roughly 1hr and 5m from downtown.

So yeah, not talking out of my ass. I travel for work and pleasure tons and have used mass transit in plenty of places.

 

[pete6032]

I would fly in to Midway. Ohare is the shit of the shit of airports next to LaGuardia. Orange line would take me roughly 1hr and 5m from downtown.

So yeah, not talking out of my ass. I travel for work and pleasure tons and have used mass transit in plenty of places.

You just moved the goal posts and failed again. Midway to downtown is 25 minutes.
Source: https://www.flychicago.com/midway/tofrom/publictransit/pages/default.aspx

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

You just moved the goal posts and failed again. Midway to downtown is 25 minutes.
Source: https://www.flychicago.com/midway/tofrom/publictransit/pages/default.aspx