Sitting in the shop I was working at for past 8mo because my grandma is still denying allowing me to have internet at her house. Despite I'd pay for it, all else included, I also got her a $300 laptop so she could use the internet too.
Been having terrible anxiety & stress past few days. Going on 2 weeks. I can't do all my work from my phone. Free public access is too slow to upload the amount of stuff to YT that I have to do.
I currently have 150+ videos ready to be uploaded. Every day that goes by, is a day I'm not making more money. Could have had a significantly large increase in the monthly pay in comparison to not getting anything done now. As well as unable to continue working on & growing my channel to more better stuff to bring more attention.
Need to update all my work info stuff across various sites so I can get on top of spamming out my resume & following up with staffing agencies & all that jazz. It's going to take at least a week to get caught up on the updating & catching up on things stuff.
I've come to realization that based on my lack of employment over the years. I can't rely on a "maybe & if", I'm also slightly retarded & can fuck up important shit without realizing it & getting myself fired. That & few times Ive had amazing hardcore borderline suicidal like work ethic, even that won't help me keep a job.
While I'm still going to need a job, that alone won't cover necessaties. If I want to be anywhere near where I've set my goal, it will be in tandem with my YT stuff. Although I'd like YT to take off enough to handle the basics of what I need right now.
I'm thinking even then, taking up an occasional shoddy job wouldn't be a bad idea in relation to preventing YT feeling stale or burnt out.
Frustrating as all fuck right now.