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++ ATOT official NEF thread part IV ++

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shortylickens

shortylickens

No Lifer
Jul 15, 2003
80,287
17,081
136
RoadBike.jpg
 
shortylickens

shortylickens

No Lifer
Jul 15, 2003
80,287
17,081
136
Young Jimmy was taking confession when he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said "Yes Jimmy, indeed it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have".
--
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a mobile phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun" he says "How do you like your new phone?" She replies "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though". "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How'd you know I was at K-mart?" she quietly replied...
--
After no dates or sex for five years a woman goes to see Chinese expert sex therapist Dr Chang. He says "Harro! Take off all your croase, get down and craw reery reery fast to otherside room. She does "Okay craw reery reery fast back". As she did Dr Chang shook his head".Yor probrem vewy vewy bad, worse case Ed Zachary disease I ever sor, dat why u get no man". She says "God, what's Ed Zachary disease?" Dr says "Is when your face look Ed Zachery like your arse!"
--
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mummy, mummy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot" replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Until, that is, Johnny thought for a second and asked "So why do you have so much hair?"
--
A customer in a coffee shop says to the sexy blonde waitress "I'd like a cup of coffee, no cream". The waitress writes the order on her pad, then goes away. After 10 minutes the beautiful, but not too bright, blonde waitress returns. She says to the customer "I'm sorry sir, we are out of cream. Would you want your coffee without milk instead?"
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A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. "You wanna wank?" she asked. "You bet" came the excited reply. "Okay" she said "I come back in ten minutes".
--
Doug stumbled into the bar and after several drinks confided to his friend Bill "The next time I give her the ultimatum 'Fuck or Walk' I must remember to be in my own car and not hers".
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"My wife caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she'd have killed him if we hadn't stopped her". "He must have made her very angry peeking at her huh?" "No, that's not what made her the maddest". "It's not?" "No, she got mad when he reached in the window and closed the curtains".
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I had met this beautiful woman in a club and we got dancing, she suddenly put her hand on my crotch and said "Oh my! You are a big boy! You're certainly hiding something down there" then gave me a cheeky smile. "Thanks" I said "Most girls think it's weird that I bring my guinea pig out clubbing".
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Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute "Do you know who the father is?" she replied. "For goodness sakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"
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Paddy has just won a small gardening competition and the prize was either a Spade or a Fork. He was confused when sked to take his pick.
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My mate said "Isn't it funny how when a woman is giving birth to a child she is in the same position as when she conceived it?" I said "No not really, I don't remember my missus hanging blindfolded swinging from the lampshade when she was giving birth to our kids".
--
I was approached by Beyonce who had just finished her set at Glastonbury. She said "Excuse me hon. You haven't seen my phone have you? It's pink with a 'Bubblicious' cover on it". I said, "No, sorry. Have you tried calling it?" She said "No. I put it on silent before my gig". I said "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it".
 
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