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ATOT correct my grammar

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YoungGun21

Platinum Member
The sentence begins... "With so many people?s thoughts being..." I was wondering if I am using the apostrophe in the correct place. MS Word does not seem to like it and my usual go-to source for english questions must be busy at the moment.

Can i haz inglish lessan?

Sentence reads: With so many people?s thoughts being manipulated, it is extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions.
 
The apostrophe is fine; it's the phrasing of everything else that is ugly. Post the sentence, or paragraph.
 
Originally posted by: Turin39789
It should be changed to

"With lots of bitches thinking..."
Click to expand...

Ah see thought I have already used that too many times. I can't repeat it too much or it loses effect.
 
"With so many people?s thoughts being manipulated, it is extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions."
 
With so many people thinking that...

the plane would take off, I knew I was surrounded by idiots.

With so many thoughts being manipulated, it is extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions.
 
Sentence reads: With so many people?s thoughts being manipulated, it is extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions.

With the thoughts of so many people being manipulated, ....
 
Originally posted by: waffleironhead
Sentence reads: With so many people?s thoughts being manipulated, it is extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions.

With the thoughts of so many people being manipulated, ....
Click to expand...

Yes that does sound much better doesn't it
 
Poor sentence structure.

"The manipulation of people's thoughts has made it extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions."

or

"Since they have the influence and ability to manipulate so many, it is extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions."

or

"It is extremely important that the person with the ability to manipulate the thoughts of so many people does not have any evil intentions."

I prefer the last one.

[edit] Or what waffleironhead said.
 
Originally posted by: AreaCode707
Poor sentence structure.

"The manipulation of people's thoughts has made it extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions."

or

"Since they have the influence and ability to manipulate so many, it is extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions."

or

"It is extremely important that the person with the ability to manipulate the thoughts of so many people does not have any evil intentions."

I prefer the last one.

[edit] Or what waffleironhead said.
Click to expand...

I like the 1st one
 
Originally posted by: dbk
Originally posted by: AreaCode707
Poor sentence structure.

"The manipulation of people's thoughts has made it extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions."

or

"Since they have the influence and ability to manipulate so many, it is extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions."

or

"It is extremely important that the person with the ability to manipulate the thoughts of so many people does not have any evil intentions."

I prefer the last one.

[edit] Or what waffleironhead said.
Click to expand...

I like the 1st one
Click to expand...

I'd like the first one better with more context. He hints at the idea of mass-manipulation but doesn't say it aloud. How many people? How are they being manipulated?

"The mass-manipulation of people's thoughts through mediums such as television and the internet has made it extremely important that the person in control does not have any evil intentions."

Much much better, but maybe becomes redundant in the context of the paper.
 
If it's awkward even when correct, find a new way to say it. Never fall in love with your words. It's worse than falling in love with your ideas.

How about:

Because so many people have had their thoughts manipulated (I'd hope you've explained why before making such a broad statement), it's essential that leaders aren't evil-minded.

Due to the fact that many people are vulnerable to being maniuplated, a person in control could wreak havoc if they have malicious intentions.

Etc.

 
I should add that starting sentences with "With..."

It's weak.

Often, you can lop it off and the sentence is fine. It's a crutch that finds its way into writing, far too often.
 
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