ATOT Consensus needed! Cheating neighbor with a deployed spouse

[oogabooga]

I would want to know, and if nothing else I think in the end I would appreciate someone cared enough to let me know.

If it is innocent or arranged, I would tell you, but take him out for a beer, let him know what you saw. If you care enough to tell him, care enough to stand next to him at his time of need too.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: ryan256

Originally posted by: sixone
Then take your assumptions to the wife, not the husband. If she confirms them, then go to the husband.

But given her attitude from the first time his wife and their neighbor tried to go meet her I'm pretty sure her response will be "Go away. MYOB".
Then what? To me that kind of response says guilty as charged.

Then it's not proof, it's assumptions. As I said, the stakes here are too high to risk being wrong. The guy's in a combat zone, for God's sake.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

I wouldn't tell him his wife was cheating on him. I'd tell him in a brusque manner what I'd seen and leave it at that. She may very well NOT be cheating but I don't think she'd pause for a split second if she saw him holding hands with some girl now would she? Something like "You know, it was kinda weird; I saw your wife leave your house holding hands with another guy. I know it would probably bother me so I figured I'd let you know. Whatever. For what it's worth, bro."

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

I wouldn't tell him his wife was cheating on him. I'd tell him in a brusque manner what I'd seen and leave it at that. She may very well NOT be cheating but I don't think she'd pause for a split second if she saw him holding hands with some girl now would she? Something like "You know, it was kinda weird; I saw your wife leave your house holding hands with another guy. I know it would probably bother me so I figured I'd let you know. Whatever. For what it's worth, bro."

And what is he supposed to do with that information, from out in the desert?

 

[Trey22]

"Do it" "Do it"

 

[JackRipper]

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel
Holy crap!
The poll is at 71-70.

Who's taking bets?

I bet over...

think the guy's wife knows the spread?

 

[KK]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

I wouldn't tell him his wife was cheating on him. I'd tell him in a brusque manner what I'd seen and leave it at that. She may very well NOT be cheating but I don't think she'd pause for a split second if she saw him holding hands with some girl now would she? Something like "You know, it was kinda weird; I saw your wife leave your house holding hands with another guy. I know it would probably bother me so I figured I'd let you know. Whatever. For what it's worth, bro."

And what is he supposed to do with that information, from out in the desert?

Who the fvck said doing something before he gets back?

 

[slatr]

Well... you got a ton of advice

So, what are you going to do?

 

[DeadByDawn]

MYOB-

I see no upside in this for you.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: KK

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

I wouldn't tell him his wife was cheating on him. I'd tell him in a brusque manner what I'd seen and leave it at that. She may very well NOT be cheating but I don't think she'd pause for a split second if she saw him holding hands with some girl now would she? Something like "You know, it was kinda weird; I saw your wife leave your house holding hands with another guy. I know it would probably bother me so I figured I'd let you know. Whatever. For what it's worth, bro."

And what is he supposed to do with that information, from out in the desert?

Who the fvck said doing something before he gets back?

Who said anything about waiting?

 

[gwrober]

I wouldn't do anything until he got back - being deployed these days is too stressful as it is - no reason to make him lose focus out there...

 

[IEC]

Originally posted by: Phokus
Do it anonymously.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

Tis better to act and be safe, than to not act and be sorry.

 

[meltdown75]

im in ur spouse
deployin my troopz

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
im in ur spouse
deployin my troopz

:laugh:

- M4H

 

[Chryso]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

Tis better to act and be safe, than to not act and be sorry.

Tis better to not act and be safe, than to act and be sorry.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: Chryso

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

Tis better to act and be safe, than to not act and be sorry.

Tis better to not act and be safe, than to act and be sorry.

Established law & court judgements would prove your statement to be 99.98% error.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Chryso

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

Tis better to act and be safe, than to not act and be sorry.

Tis better to not act and be safe, than to act and be sorry.

Established law & court judgements would prove your statement to be 99.98% error.

So she's guilty until proven innocent?

Holding hands + car overnight = no evidence.

- M4H

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Chryso

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

Tis better to act and be safe, than to not act and be sorry.

Tis better to not act and be safe, than to act and be sorry.

Established law & court judgements would prove your statement to be 99.98% error.

So she's guilty until proven innocent?

Holding hands + car overnight = no evidence.

- M4H

Evidence is needed for a conviction... not to open/begin an investigation.

 

[MrPickins]

Originally posted by: sao123
Evidence is needed for a conviction... not to open/begin an investigation.

Did you read the thread title? The OP and his wife have already passed judgment.

 

[Chryso]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Chryso

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

Tis better to act and be safe, than to not act and be sorry.

Tis better to not act and be safe, than to act and be sorry.

Established law & court judgements would prove your statement to be 99.98% error.

In this case, if you act you could have at least one party very unhappy with you. If you tell the husband and the wife finds out it was you who told all sorts of bad things could happen to you/your car/your family. If you say nothing and act like you know nothing you are unlikely to have any problem with them.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: MrPickins

Originally posted by: sao123
Evidence is needed for a conviction... not to open/begin an investigation.

Did you read the thread title? The OP and his wife have already passed judgment.

did you read my earlier post?

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims around in the pond in the back yard... well it might be a german shepard... but I really doubt it.

It isnt hard to tell if 2 people are having some type of relationship. If a husband is away, and all of a sudden a guy is now hanging around, someone sees the wife holding hands walking around with him, then when the husband comes back the guy mysteriously disappears... Obviously something fishy is going on... thats reason enough for concern.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: Chryso

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Chryso

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

Tis better to act and be safe, than to not act and be sorry.

Tis better to not act and be safe, than to act and be sorry.

Established law & court judgements would prove your statement to be 99.98% error.

In this case, if you act you could have at least one party very unhappy with you. If you tell the husband and the wife finds out it was you who told all sorts of bad things could happen to you/your car/your family. If you say nothing and act like you know nothing you are unlikely to have any problem with them.

you do not refuse to testify about a criminal because you're afraid the mafia might come harm you... nor do you turn a blind eye in this case...

my concern is not the repercussions of what the wife might do or say in post action...
you do what it takes to ensure proper justice is done.

 

[FallenHero]

tell him when he gets back with evidence.

 

[Fern]

Originally posted by: AndrewR

What do you think?

I understand your reason(s) for wishing to make him aware of the situation. However, be very careful of the 2 most powerful laws in the universe:

1) No good deed goes unpunished, and

2) the "Law of Unintended Consequences".
What if he gets violent (shoots teh other guy, beats his wife, etc), or attempts suicide etc?. If the situation turns out badly, you may, in a way, be somewhat responsible and end up feeling guilty.

Is there not someone trained, pastor, physchiratrist (d@mn sp) or counselor etc, you can pass this info to?. Someone trained to handle, and help him handle, this situation?

Fern