Asian people - I need advice

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: mAdD INDIAN

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: xEDIT409
Man, I'm indian, and I know how you feel.

My mom is a psycho when it comes to these things. Like, I honestly believe she will disown me if SHE doesn't get to pick my wife... yeah right, no way in hell that's gonna happen.
My dad on the otherhand, it a lot more leniant.

I still have like 5-7 yrs to figure this problem out, cuz i'm only 17 right now.

Try sitting down with them, and DO NOT get up until they have accepted her.

Or show them Bend it Like Beckham.

If you don't mind me asking, what part of india are you from?

Hey,
Yeah, they've seen bend it like beckam .. Didn't help My mother actually said that she would disown me if I didn't marry a "tamil, christian girl" (i'm tamil - from south india) when I was growing up.. Luckily, I'm a rebellious fellow and would rather get disowned then even consider giving up my girl.. That's not the issue (nor should it be for you!).. I have a girl that I love and since I love her I want them to accept her.. Know what I mean? They don't have to love her, just don't disrespect her.. I should talk to them... I just get a bit angry and emotional about it because the situation sounds absurd.. Would they rather me screw around and then just marry someone that I don't love?

Vannakam. Your tamil? Your scrwed. In my experienc,e I've noticed that tamil parents are 100x stricter than normal indian parents. I have cousins where they were married to white ppl..and the family supported them. Hell, the extended family supported them as well. Everyone came down from India to participate in the beautiful ceremony (it really was awesome..perfect setting and all).

You're tamil as well? Wow, thought my family and the director of the 6th sense were the only ones of us around Yeah, you're right.. tamil parents are insanely strict.. My brother in law's family is from the north and they're such wonderful and relaxed people.. I think tamil people try harded to maintain the rigid social structure, especially since my parents are VERY religious.. Oh well, I've lighted up about the situation.. If they don't accept her they're not going to be able to see their adorable future grandkids.. They have far more to lose than I..

 

[Jeff7181]

As the saying goes... when in Rome, do as the Romans do. You're in America... it's unreasonable for your parents to expect that EVERY tradition from their culture be preserved here in the US. Things are different here.

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Hello my fellow asian people...While I'm indian and most of you guys are probably chinese or korean we all have very similar social structures (indians are the lost asians.. from asia but never grouped with the rest because we're brown and have rounder eyes).. Anyways, my problem is dealing with asian(indian) parents that refuse to adapt to american culture.. A cliched, age old problem but it's been getting on my nerves lately.. I'm 22 and have had a stable gf since I was 16.. We've been going out for 6 years - most people aren't even married that long anymore! - yet our relationship continues to be invalid in the eyes of my parents (and even my sister)... They find it weird that I invite her to family events, constantly treat her as an outsider, and generally make me feel like a whore even though I don't sleep around nor do anything illegal/"immoral" (I'm not knocking drugs but I don't use em, I don't even drink).. I'm a pretty stable guy in a loving relationship with a wonderful, brilliant (ivy leaguer) girl yet they always look down on me because dating is not part of indian culture... I honestly think that arranged marriages are FAR more immoral but that's a whole other can of worms.. So how do I make them get with the times? I will definately marry this girl but I feel terrible every time they suggest taking me out for an event (b-day, etc.) and give me the "what's she doing here?" glance when I bring her along.. Grr.. they should just grow up..

Also, I should mention that she's white (and jewish).. Indians HATE jewish people even though I've always lived in a jewish neighborhood and my relatives tease me by calling me a jewish boy (I like conversations and art - sue me!).. Anyways, this adds another layer to my problem.. FYI most (not all) indians are very racist... My mom was about to disown my sister for marrying an indian guy from another part of india (he's from the north, we're from the south)! In the end, I don't care if I get disowned... But I do love my parents and just want peace..

it seems you r in conflict w/your parents. do they still support you?

if no, then 1 of 2 choices:

1) dump gf and make parents happy
2) WALK AWAY FROM THE PARENTS. TELL THEM THIS IS YOUR LIFE, AND FOR THEM TO F*&% OFF. Basically, dump your parents. tell them u r moving, but u r not giving them ANY info. move, and only call them on the payphone once in a while just to let know u r ok. when they RESPECT you for your life, then let them back in.

if parents are still supporting you, then U R SCREWED! basically, find someway to severe that umbillical cord and find freedom

 

[Kalpana]

No doubt Tamil parents are bad (even though my tamil friend is getting engaged to a white christian and her parents have finally accepted it..not to say we will be that lucky)...but Bangladeshi muslim parents are no better. I must say I am very impressed that you even brought your gf to all those events, because I haven't even mustared the courage to bring him since we starting going out two years ago. Heck..he even hid in the closet once when my parents surprised me with a visit at my apartment...no easy task when you are six foot. I understand how your mothers seems to be because mines is exactly the same. At least we are both brown; except I am bangladeshi muslim and he is goan christian (catholic) and both sets of parents are conservative. At this point I think you should count your blessings because you have at least one set of parents who accept you; because I am sure we are gonna have to fight both of ours. Both sets of our parents are so similar it is insane but they are set against each other before they ever meet. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I have no idea what to do either. We are a perfect match for each other; we know that.

The other day there was a theoretical marriage discussion; and my friend asked, "what if we find the perfect guy; we love him and you love him until you find out that he is not muslim." The aunty's response was, "That is wonderful that you found someone that great; but I say if you can find someone like that you can find someone exactly like that who is muslim." There is no understanding their generation's logic. They are set in their ways and they aren't willing to see that us growing up here is obviously going to cause us to be different from them. I know someone mentioned taking your mom out and talking to her. No offense; but I could not stop laughing at that. Some people are willing to listen and some people not; I believe his mom has already proved that she is not the type to listen.

As for your dillemma. I know how it feels especially since my parents just sat me down yesterday and are trying to get me to talk to a muslim bangladeshi boy...whoopie. PM me, I'd love to talk to you.

 

[habib89]

gotta do what you gotta do.. sit them down.. tell them that you love this girl, and it doesn't matter to you wether she's white or not.. if they have a problem with that, ask them if they have a problem with not ever seeing you again, cause that's basically what they're asking for.. it doesn't sound like you're willing to give up this girl.. and i wouldn't do that either just for my parents.. they're there to guide you.. not to make decisions for you.. that's just how it goes.. if you end up marrying her, then tough luck for your parents

 

[TommyVercetti]

Seems like a lot of Indian people on this forum and the ones I know IRL are having the same problems. They like some girl/guy, but their parents don't approve. Cultural conflict I guess.

 

[imported_Papi]

I feel this thread is hatin on whites.

haters!

 

[funks]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Hello my fellow asian people...While I'm indian and most of you guys are probably chinese or korean we all have very similar social structures (indians are the lost asians.. from asia but never grouped with the rest because we're brown and have rounder eyes).

Let me just say, I'm lucky my dad didn't follow my grandfather's wishes (Indian) - else I wouldn't have been born..

I say if you believe you can live with this person (marriage) for the rest of your life, go for it.. Might be a good idea to live together for a while and see if you two *trully* get along (going out != living together), if things look good then so be it.. (at least you know that invoking your parent's wrath was worth it)..

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: yayo
I feel this thread is hatin on whites.

haters!

What are you talking about?? My gf is white...Freaking idiots on here..

 

[wyvrn]

I'll post my usual comment that asian parents suck. I'll be looking for an out-of-state job so I can get away from my wife's nutcake family

 

[n0cmonkey]

Your parents don't seem like they are worth the time or effort, move on.

 

[Zombie]

Drive Domestic buddy, imported means high maintainance .

Your parents don't seem like they are worth the time or effort, move on.

eh, Are you Indian ?

My GF gets treated like crap by her dad even though she is 25 and makes probably more than her father and mother both combined. It's all about respect for the elders buddy. You can choose your friends not the family.

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: Zombie
Drive Domestic buddy, imported means high maintainance .

Your parents don't seem like they are worth the time or effort, move on.

eh, Are you Indian ?

My GF gets treated like crap by her dad even though she is 25 and makes probably more than her father and mother both combined. It's all about respect for the elders buddy. You can choose your friends not the family.

but like friends, you can also walk away from the family if u r fed up w/them