- Jun 27, 2005
- 19,216
- 1
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To preface... Yes I live on Maui. But I lived in Alaska for 33 years... This is so funny it hurts. The Alaskan members will look at this and laugh their asses off. I hope the rest of you appreciate life in the great white north.
You know you're an Alaskan when....
The mosquitoes have landing lights. (there are no bio-luminescent bugs in Alaska... I'll leave it at that... see the shotgun thing later... )
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat. (at least)
You thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary.
The local hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy store at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is three feet above the ground. (Damn permafrost)
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. (yup)
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. (No comment)
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat-processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Road Construction.
You can tell the difference between a chipmunk and a squirrel from 300 yards away.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
The town buys a Zamboni before they buy a bus.
Most dogs in your area have a job in transportation.
You have a good supply of arctic wear AND mosquito repellant.
The schools or businesses don't give "Snow Days". (NEVER!)
You have more problems with moose eating your bushes than with grasshoppers or beetles.
You have to plug in your car even though it isn't electric.
You sometimes have to wait for the bear to leave the yard before you can come in from the bathroom. (Been there... that sucks)
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a truck plowing snow on the highway.
"Vacation" means going to Valdez.
You measure distance in hours. This is true
You know several people who have hit a Moose more than once. (I've hit three)
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. (Yeah pretty much)
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. (You're armed anyway)
You think of the major food groups as beer and salmon. (Mmmm salmon)
You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them. (This is not a joke)
You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
You know how to polka.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a moose next to your spruce.
You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. (What?)
Down South to you means Seattle. (If you're a real Alaskan it means Anchorage)
You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." Too cold to wear shorts
My own additions...
A cool landscaping feature is a wingless airplane!
Toilets make great planters.
Bud Light is the champaign of... champaign.
If your uncle has a radar gun you are guaranteed to die racing across a frozen lake
You know you're an Alaskan when....
The mosquitoes have landing lights. (there are no bio-luminescent bugs in Alaska... I'll leave it at that... see the shotgun thing later... )
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat. (at least)
You thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary.
The local hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy store at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is three feet above the ground. (Damn permafrost)
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. (yup)
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. (No comment)
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat-processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Road Construction.
You can tell the difference between a chipmunk and a squirrel from 300 yards away.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
The town buys a Zamboni before they buy a bus.
Most dogs in your area have a job in transportation.
You have a good supply of arctic wear AND mosquito repellant.
The schools or businesses don't give "Snow Days". (NEVER!)
You have more problems with moose eating your bushes than with grasshoppers or beetles.
You have to plug in your car even though it isn't electric.
You sometimes have to wait for the bear to leave the yard before you can come in from the bathroom. (Been there... that sucks)
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a truck plowing snow on the highway.
"Vacation" means going to Valdez.
You measure distance in hours. This is true
You know several people who have hit a Moose more than once. (I've hit three)
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. (Yeah pretty much)
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. (You're armed anyway)
You think of the major food groups as beer and salmon. (Mmmm salmon)
You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them. (This is not a joke)
You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
You know how to polka.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a moose next to your spruce.
You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. (What?)
Down South to you means Seattle. (If you're a real Alaskan it means Anchorage)
You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." Too cold to wear shorts
My own additions...
A cool landscaping feature is a wingless airplane!
Toilets make great planters.
Bud Light is the champaign of... champaign.
If your uncle has a radar gun you are guaranteed to die racing across a frozen lake
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