- Feb 19, 2000
- 5,439
- 1
- 0
DIARY OF AN ARIZONA NEWCOMER
A friend who used to live in Phoenix sent me this. I don't know who wrote it. Not me; I live in balmy Oklahoma, where the summer temperature rarely gets over 100 degrees unless you leave your house.
May 30th -- Now, this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here!
June 14th -- Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th -- Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here!
July 10th -- The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th -- Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I burned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th -- I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $5,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and dung. No more pets in this heat!
July 25th -- Dry freaking heat, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $400 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th -- Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $2,100 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th -- 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $800 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman took a leak in my pool. I hate this goddamned state.
Aug 8th -- If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for ya today?", I'm going to tear his freaking throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted freaking Garfield!!
Aug 10th -- The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and Sunny. The weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $2,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the freaking pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug 14th -- Welcome to Hell. Temperature got to 122 degrees today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the freaking windshield out of the Lexus. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for ya today?" My wife had to spend the $2,100 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Aug 30th -- Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The freaking monsoon rains finally came, and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The Lexus is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $1000 windshield. That does it, we're moving to Colorado for some peace and quiet.
A friend who used to live in Phoenix sent me this. I don't know who wrote it. Not me; I live in balmy Oklahoma, where the summer temperature rarely gets over 100 degrees unless you leave your house.
May 30th -- Now, this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here!
June 14th -- Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th -- Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here!
July 10th -- The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th -- Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I burned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th -- I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $5,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and dung. No more pets in this heat!
July 25th -- Dry freaking heat, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $400 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th -- Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $2,100 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th -- 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $800 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman took a leak in my pool. I hate this goddamned state.
Aug 8th -- If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for ya today?", I'm going to tear his freaking throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted freaking Garfield!!
Aug 10th -- The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and Sunny. The weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $2,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the freaking pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug 14th -- Welcome to Hell. Temperature got to 122 degrees today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the freaking windshield out of the Lexus. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for ya today?" My wife had to spend the $2,100 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Aug 30th -- Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The freaking monsoon rains finally came, and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The Lexus is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $1000 windshield. That does it, we're moving to Colorado for some peace and quiet.