Arizona Diary

[WombatWoman]

DIARY OF AN ARIZONA NEWCOMER

A friend who used to live in Phoenix sent me this. I don't know who wrote it. Not me; I live in balmy Oklahoma, where the summer temperature rarely gets over 100 degrees unless you leave your house.

May 30th -- Now, this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here!

June 14th -- Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 30th -- Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here!

July 10th -- The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th -- Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I burned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th -- I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $5,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and dung. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th -- Dry freaking heat, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $400 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th -- Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $2,100 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug 4th -- 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $800 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman took a leak in my pool. I hate this goddamned state.

Aug 8th -- If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for ya today?", I'm going to tear his freaking throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted freaking Garfield!!

Aug 10th -- The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and Sunny. The weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $2,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the freaking pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.

Aug 14th -- Welcome to Hell. Temperature got to 122 degrees today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the freaking windshield out of the Lexus. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for ya today?" My wife had to spend the $2,100 house payment to bail me out of jail.

Aug 30th -- Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The freaking monsoon rains finally came, and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The Lexus is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $1000 windshield. That does it, we're moving to Colorado for some peace and quiet.

 

[MrChicken]

I lived near Phoenix, it gets to 100 degrees long before june.

The last year I was there it NEVER went BELOW 100 degrees for over 90 straight days.

The local TV and radio stations broadcast something like the "burn index". It's a measure of how long it takes the average person to get sunburn standing in the sun. In the summer it is usually in single digit minutes.

A swimming pool will be at or over 100 degress in the summer.

Several brush fires were started by sun shining through broken glass from bottles casullay discarded from cars.

Of all the things, we never had water rationing the 3 years I libed there, and water cheaper there than anywhere else I have lived.

I only washed my truck twice in three years, all you had to do is get the dust off.

Yes it is a dry heat, just like an oven is.

 

[kyutip]

he he, exactly how I feel.
I've been here for 2 years and still can't stand the heat.
it gets to you and everytime you go out in a 100 plus degree you feel angry.
I'd lose my temper easily. never happened when I lived in Wisconsin. I 'm really mellow in the winter.
And people here really gets on my nerve.
They are the rudest people I know, more so than LA or Chicago (don't know about NY).
Not really friendly or helpfull either.
and don't get me started about the traffic, jeez.
I've never have had health problem in my 6+ years in wisconsin, here I've had pneumonia twice and got asthma too
why I stay here ? dunno.
myabe because I love my work here.
I volunteer at a local rabbit rescue and I really love it.
I can't imagine ever leaving them behind.
I guess if there is something you really love, anything seems acceptable.

 

[Pyxis]

ROFL

 

[Ladi]

Whel, I'm glad my sister decided to move to Colorado and not Arizona last year, especially since I'm being shipped out to visit her for two weeks uhm....today

One of my cousins serves in the USAF out in Arizona though...freak that he is, he loves it! I think it's only because my family doesn't tend to burn...we brown rather nicely, like turkeys in an oven ;P

Thanks for the smile, WW

~Ladi

 

[ratkil]

Those are cute, I remember seeing one about moving to northern michigan right before winter. When I was in Palm Springs monday it was 117, that was enough of an experience for me to know it's not for me.

 

[TripleJ]

That's pretty warm. At least it doesn't stay that hot here all year.

 

[kyutip]

yeah, i don't get it either.
why people would flock to Palm Spring.
I'd go to a cool place like Santa Barbara, but not Palm Spring.
btw, it's kinda cool down here this week.
from 118 last week to 88 yesterday. wacky eh.
that's why you got sick pretty easily with those high weather swing.
hopefully it will stay under triple digits for a while.
oh, I just remember what makes the heat even worse here.
most of the day there is no cloud whatsoever, so the sun never gets blocked

 

[Pepsi90919]

Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited. It's so
beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see
them with snow covering them.


Oct. 14 - Canada--it is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves
have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride
through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so
graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This
must be paradise. I love it here!


Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine
anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I
love it here!


Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with
white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow
off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I
won). When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again.
What a beautiful place. I love Canada!
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. The snow plough did his trick again to
the driveway. I love it here.

Dec. 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get
to work. It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shoveling. fvcking
snow plough.

Dec. 22 - More of that white sh1t fell last night. I've got blisters on
my hands and a sore back from shoveling. I think the snow plough hides
around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.

Dec. 25 - Merry fvcking Christmas! More frigging snow. If I ever get my
hands on the sonovabitch who drives the snow plough, I swear I'll kill
the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to
melt the fvcking ice.

Dec. 27 - More white sh1t last night. Been inside for three days now
except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plough goes
through every time. Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of
white sh1t and it's so frigging cold. The weatherman says to expect
another 10 inches of the sh1t again tonight. Do you know how many
shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

Dec. 28 - That fvcking weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of the
sh1t this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow
plough got stuck up in the road and that bastard came to my door and
asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already broken
six shovels shoveling out all the sh1t he had pushed into my driveway, I
damn near broke my last one over his fvcking head.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get
food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about
$3,000 damage to the car. Those fvcking beasts should be killed. The
bastards are everywhere. Wish the hunters had exterminated them all last
November.

May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing
is rusted out from all that fvcking salt they put all over the roads.

May 10 - Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right
mind would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada!

 

[TripleJ]

lol Pepsi, could see that one from a mile off.

Maybe I should tell you about living in Halls Creek, North-West Australia. It holds the world record for consecutive days over 100F. Something like 167 I believe. That's only about half a year!

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

There is another one like that that is for chicago.

broken shovel over the head and everything.