Are you a 'bootstraps' parent? Kick them out at 18, no matter what, still in school getting straight As, no smoking or drinking?

[VirtualLarry]

MSN

www.msn.com

Curious how you treated your offspring when they turn(ed) 18.

 

[BoomerD]

No. Hardass that I am, after they finished high school, they had 3 choices.
1. Go to college, get scholarships, grants, or student loans to pay for it...and work part time. If they went to school close to home, they could continue living at home. If not...figure it out.
2. Get a job. They could live with us a couple of months to get money put together for rent and such...then move out...but time was limited.
3. Move the fuck out...and figure it out.

 

[sdifox]

Yeah no, no way kids these days can afford to live on their own by 18 due to wage stagnation.

 

[Captante]

We had a birthday party? Otherwise nothing really changed.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I always found that mentality dumb myself. Sure, parents don't owe their kids nothing, I don't believe in handouts etc, but at same time, at least give them a chance. At 18 they can barely get a job enough to survive since they are still stuck in school. At least wait until they graduate from college/university. If they are sitting on their ass all day at home with/without job then it's time to start thinking about forcing them out into the real world. But if they actually help around the house, then I don't really see an issue if everyone is happy. I personally wanted to be on my own so I saved up enough money and moved out at 23. Would not have made sense to do it sooner since it would have meant a crap quality of life.

 

[IronWing]

The parents bred 'em. The parents should be responsible until the kids can get by without leaching on society. Performance bonding for parents, I say.

 

[nakedfrog]

Not "no matter what", if they were going to college they could stay, if they were working they could pay a small amount of rent, but it was known that I was very much looking forward to having fewer people living in my house. They both moved out of their own volition, I never had to say "time to GTFO" or anything. Teenagers are annoying, even if they're your own kids.

 

[pcgeek11]

At 18 my son was in College on a full academic scholarship, working and had already moved out on his own. He was educated from an early age on how to take care of himself when he reached adulthood. The subject was never brought up by me. He came home one day and stated he was moving out on his own and he has done very well for himself since, he is now 38.

 

[GodisanAtheist]

Its a ways off for me (10 & 6 right now) but wife and I have already discussed that outside of any really extenuating circumstances the kids will always have a crash pad at our place.

I think its important that they both keep a forward momentum in terms of learning/career/personal growth but outside of the kid needing some shock therapy to get them to launch I will never see myself or my wife kicking them out and having them totally fend for themselves.

 

[pcgeek11]

The point is as a good parent you should start preparing them for standing on their own from day one. Then when they become of age it will not be a subject. They will naturally migrate away on their own.

 

[Aikouka]

The point is as a good parent you should start preparing them for standing on their own from day one. Then when they become of age it will not be a subject. They will naturally migrate away on their own.

I've been dealing with my girlfriend's kids (13 and 15), and it really shone a light on my own childhood. I'll be honest... I was pretty lazy as a kid with a staunch lack of ambition. On the flip side, my brother was far more of the go-getter type. For example, he had a job when he was 14, and held that same job for a good 4+ years. I did not get a job until I was 17, and that was mostly to spite my dad who suggested that I'd never do it. (Kind of played myself into that one. ) It's really understanding the issues that mentality/behavior caused in my 20's that makes me push heavily against my girlfriend's kids doing the same thing. A small example is that their mom would wake them up in the morning for school, but I insisted that they use an alarm instead.

 

[Torn Mind]

It's just business: Americanized people and their kids.

 

[GodisanAtheist]

The point is as a good parent you should start preparing them for standing on their own from day one. Then when they become of age it will not be a subject. They will naturally migrate away on their own.

-Yup "I'm not raising kids, I'm raising adults"

 

[pcgeek11]

-Yup "I'm not raising kids, I'm raising adults"

You should be raising kids to become adults. Starting from day # 1.

 

[MrSquished]

You should be raising kids to become adults. Starting from day # 1.

Sounds like a recipe for a great childhood.

 

[digiram]

Daughter is now a junior in college. Still lives at home. Works part time to pay for her car. She got excelsior and fin aid for tuition. I help with the fees. Wanna make sure my kids leave school debt free. All my babies can stay as long as they like. I’d rather they save for a down payment than pay someone else’s mortgage.

 

[Mai72]

I have a friend. His boy dropped out of HS about 2 years ago. Since then, he games on his $3k computer from 6pm- 8am. 7x a week. That is it. I've told my friend that he should intervene, but all he does is shake his head.

If this kid is 30 and still engaging in the same behavior, his life will look horrible. It's up to the adults to set boundaries. When they neglect to do this, their children suffer later in life.

 

[BoomerD]

My grandkids' POS dad has a policy that when his kids tuen 18 or graduate from high school, he kickes their ass and throws them out of the house with only what they can carry. He beat the shit out of our granddaughter and threw her out before she turned 16. (Problem child)

 

[dainthomas]

My daughter turns 18 the beginning of her senior year, so probably not doing that.

 

[crashtech]

There's a lot of grey area here. I have raised 5 kids with one still at home. The oldest two did not need much encouragement to leave the nest. The middle two can fly but they keep fluttering back to the nest. With the youngest, it remains to be seen. Someone remarked that it should be on the parents indefinitely to keep kids until they are self-sufficient, but that that is wrong-headed to say the least. Every person has free will, and there's a lot of nature in with that nurture. No two of my kids are at all alike, despite ensuring as much consistency as possible in their upbringing. All that said, kicking a kid out on the 18th is likely a sign of sociopathy, such persons should be evaluated for involuntary commission to an institution.

 

[nakedfrog]

There's a lot of grey area here. I have raised 5 kids with one still at home. The oldest two did not need much encouragement to leave the nest. The middle two can fly but they keep fluttering back to the nest. With the youngest, it remains to be seen. Someone remarked that it should be on the parents indefinitely to keep kids until they are self-sufficient, but that that is wrong-headed to say the least. Every person has free will, and there's a lot of nature in with that nurture. No two of my kids are at all alike, despite ensuring as much consistency as possible in their upbringing. All that said, kicking a kid out on the 18th is likely a sign of sociopathy, such persons should be evaluated for involuntary commission to an institution.

Wow, that's, uh... an interesting take.

 

[pcgeek11]

Sounds like a recipe for a great childhood.

What would you define as a parents role with respect to children becoming self sufficient when reaching adulthood?

Well you could raise them to be whinny little babies that can't fend for themselves, or you could raise them to be fully functioning adults so that they can live full lives when they are grown.

I'm not endorsing tossing one out to the wolves as soon as they turn 18. But you should as a responsible parent strive to mold them into functioning adults.

 

[pcgeek11]

My grandkids' POS dad has a policy that when his kids tuen 18 or graduate from high school, he kickes their ass and throws them out of the house with only what they can carry. He beat the shit out of our granddaughter and threw her out before she turned 16. (Problem child)

Sounds like this POS needs a good ass whipping.

Seriously.

 

[IGBT]

How many of you's are stuck with adult children in their 50's living with you...pretending they are earning a living doing swap meets and garage sales?? I just became aware of this...turns out there is a large sub culture of "adult infants" doing this and still living off their parents..

 

[pcgeek11]

How many of you's are stuck with adult children in their 50's living with you...pretending they are earning a living doing swap meets and garage sales?? I just became aware of this...turns out there is a large sub culture of "adult infants" doing this and still living off their parents..

Shocking isn't it?

These parents are getting back what they raised.

New York parents win legal battle to evict son, 30

Michael Rotondo has defied several eviction notices from his parents, who told him to get a job.

www.bbc.com