How do you feel when people complement you. Do you resist speaking highly of yourself or thinking such thoughts. Have you ever said to yourself when something bad happens "Just my luck". Do you ever cry when you win or are profoundly happy. Have you ever experienced a panic attack if you deeply relax. Ever had a bad trip on drugs, experienced irrational fears? Show me a phenomena in the human world that can't be understood as self hate. I was taught what I had already come to suspect but had not completely integrated. I got as far as seeing that folk everywhere believed what they believe to deny pain I could no longer pretend wasn't there. I had already dies when I met somebody who showed me things worse than being dead and which to my utter astonishment I was able to confirm by feeling them. We do not feel what we feel because we feel lies, the feeling of being the worst in the world, put there long ago as children by being put down. Know that you were born completely defenseless and any pain you were subjected to was felt at the greatest degree that a human being can feel. So while we have all been maximally traumatized it's worse for some than others. There are differences in the horror we have seen.