Are there any good writers in here?

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jjzelinski

Diamond Member
Aug 23, 2004
3,750
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I'm sorry man, but I couldn't get past your first sentence. I don't have it in my heart to read 20 minutes worth of analysis on N.W.A. :(
 

theflyingpig

Banned
Mar 9, 2008
5,616
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You switch between N.W.A and NWA. Which is it? -10
What does N.W.A (NWA?) stand for? -20
and ___ found What's going on here? Incomplete. -20
(Rose, 2008,P. 139) No space after comma. -5
(Rose, 2008,P. 143) No space after comma. -5
__ perCent Incomplete -20
and ______. Incomplete -20

Total deductions 100.
Grade 0/100
Fail.
 

MotF Bane

No Lifer
Dec 22, 2006
60,865
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and conditions a rapper has experience justify their use of violent lyrics

First paragraph. Experienced. Your sentences look short, and it reads choppily. Don't have time to get past the first paragraph, sorry.
 

Cerpin Taxt

Lifer
Feb 23, 2005
11,943
541
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Here's some help with the first paragraph.

In the 1990’s, N.W.A was most notable for starting the genre of gangster rap. Their lyrics received many forms of criticism for their avocation for the use of violence.
Speak about the group as a single thing instead of many people. "The group's lyrics received many forms of criticism for its avocation of the use of violence."

One defense has been the “keeping it real” argument in which the experiences and conditions a rapper has experience justify their use of violent lyrics (Rose, 2008).
I would say something more like "the circumstances of a rapper's life justify..."

They are merely telling their autobiographical story.
Again, try not to use collective pronouns except when explicitly necessary. I would write "A rapper is merely telling his autobiographical story..."

While this may be true, the keeping it real argument is unfairly used to defend what commercialized hip hop is today.
I would continue to denote "keeping it real" in quotations, since the words are not used literally.

It gives the excuse that because it might have happened in real life, record companies can continue to promote this genre ignoring the devastation effects it can have on black communities. Defenders of hip hop who use this phrase as a way to explain the violence found in black street life end up reinforcing black stereotypes that are destructive to the black community.
"...devastating effects..." -- That entire italicized part could be re-written more clearly, IMO.
 
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