are my parents being overly sensitive?

[rudder]

When he finds a new job... a thank you should include a nice gift... like a wad of cash, couple of hookers, or whatever.

 

[Spikesoldier]

perhaps you should just tell your cousin your parents want some sort of acknowledgement or compensation.

go tell him to go buy a fruit basket or something stupid as an offering to your overlord parents.

problem solved.

 

[amdhunter]

Option E - Pics of mom?

 

[Perknose]

your parents are irrational.

This

Chris, if another extended family member helped your (now presumably fully grown) daughter (I think you have a daughter) out, especially to the extent of putting her up in their house for free for 3 full months, wouldn't you go out of your way to make sure you thanked them for that?

 

[Broheim]

had your cousin been in his early 20's your uncle should have thanked your parents, but at 30 your uncle doesn't have to, your cousin is as grown as a grown man gets.

 

[zinfamous]

you cousin should thank them.

not your uncle.

 

[zinfamous]

Chris, if another extended family member helped your (now presumably fully grown) daughter (I think you have a daughter) out, especially to the extent of putting her up in their house for free for 3 full months, wouldn't you go out of your way to make sure you thanked them for that?

while it's "the proper thing to do," OP's parents are being irrational about being butthurt over the lack of thanks from the Uncle--in this situation.

 

[DominionSeraph]

my uncle is one of those super highly rational, maybe borderline aspergers, people...

Yeah, this is an area where an aspie is going to have problems. Even if he's managed to expand his mind to the point where he can overcome most of his aspie tendencies, this is an area where he would not have enough data to come to a solid conclusion as to the correct behavior. There are many possible ways to interpret the situation and the correct behaviors for each conflict. And some leave open the possibility for bad loops which would then have to be damped out. The best course of action would be judged to be, "Wait for data which constitutes proof in favor of a specific course of action."
If you're uncle is more in-line with an aspie mindset, he's probably oblivious.

 

[Cuular]

And with the guy helping out with home improvement projects, you would think the parents would be thankful of him.

Not seeing why there should be any need of a thank you from the uncle, when it sounds like the arrangements were made by the 30 year old, and he's actually going out of his way to try and be a functioning member of the household.

 

[D1gger]

At the age of 30, I wouldn't expect his parents to be thanking my host on my behalf. I would be doing it myself, and as the host, I wouldn't expect the parent to thank me.

 

[nageov3t]

perhaps you should just tell your cousin your parents want some sort of acknowledgement or compensation.

go tell him to go buy a fruit basket or something stupid as an offering to your overlord parents.

problem solved.

my cousin is fine. he thanked my parents and his trying his best to avoid being a layabout free loader while he's living there.

it's his dad that my parents are butthurt at... and knowing my uncle, telling him that my parents expect something would make him even less likely to do it.

 

[Sluggo]

When you help out a 30 year old man with anything, do you expect his parents thanking you and not him?
what the hell?

Maybe they shouldn't be expecting it, but is it really so difficult to say "Hey thanks for helping little Johnny with a place to stay the past few months. It helped him avoid a bit of BS in his life, I appreciate it, and I know he does as well."

 

[shortylickens]

This is why New York sucks.

An economist once tried to convince me the solution is to get rid of those rent controls and let the free market fix all the problems.

Thoughts?

 

[sdifox]

does your uncle know your cousin is at your parents' place?

 

[nanette1985]

my cousin is fine. he thanked my parents and his trying his best to avoid being a layabout free loader while he's living there.

it's his dad that my parents are butthurt at... and knowing my uncle, telling him that my parents expect something would make him even less likely to do it.

Do your parents have other issues with your uncle? This doesn't sound like an isolated incident.

Sounds like your cousin is doing the right thing and being an excellent, grateful houseguest.

 

[Perknose]

... and knowing my uncle, telling him that my parents expect something would make him even less likely to do it.

And it's certainly not your place to bring this up to him. His thanks are not required, but if the guy doesn't possess enough basic manners and grace to mention his thanks to your folks eventually (he still might, you know), then that's on him.

Meanwhile, your parents should stop their bitching. It accomplishes nothing. Ill mannered people, as your Uncle may or may not be, will act ignorantly despite what others expect of them.

 

[nageov3t]

This is why New York sucks.

An economist once tried to convince me the solution is to get rid of those rent controls and let the free market fix all the problems.

Thoughts?

not sure how it's applicable.

my cousin isn't living in a rent controlled apartment, he just didn't want to have to sell/store all of his furniture while in Finland for 2 years and then have to worry about finding and re-furnishing a new apartment on top of everything else when he got back.

 

[shortylickens]

not sure how it's applicable.

my cousin isn't living in a rent controlled apartment, he just didn't want to have to sell/store all of his furniture while in Finland for 2 years and then have to worry about finding and re-furnishing a new apartment on top of everything else when he got back.

Its applicable, trust me.
If they got rid of rent control almost every facet of NYC life would change. Including how the whole sublet game works.

 

[lowrider69]

If your cousin has an issue with the arrangement he can move back to Finland and look for work there. He should thank your parents.

 

[gophins72]

i think there is more to the story that you dont know about, sounds like your parents have something going on with the uncle from the past. this butthurtedness isn't about this action, it is about the overall sibling relationship between the parents.

 

[foghorn67]

If your cousin has an issue with the arrangement he can move back to Finland and look for work there. He should thank your parents.

Reading comprehension hasn't caught on to you.

 

[lowrider69]

Reading comprehension hasn't caught on to you.

He thanked the OP's parents, I missed that. Either way, 3 months IMO is a long time to live somewhere and not pay for shit even if you are Mr. Handy Dandy around the house. Maybe he is paying them something, don't know, if he is that smooths things out quite a bit. Personally if I were staying at somebody's place and it was causing issues or could cause issues or tension between other family members I would leave and thank them again. Hopefully he get's a job soon. I've seen situations like this go south quickly for various reasons.

 

[dud]

OP, your cousin and his parents should be kissing their feet in thanks for putting ANYONE up that long. We live in a society of "entitled" people. The answer to your question is NO, they are NOT being overly sensitive. When you get to our age you want some peace, quiet and privacy ...

 

[mattpegher]

To reitterate:
Op's cousin is 30 years old
Won't (notice I didnt say can't) get another place temporarily until he gets a job and or gets back into his sublet.
Uncle does not seem appreciative.

Uncle should be appologetic for raising such a child that even by 30 he cannot be self sufficent. And don't give me the bs that he has to live with OP's parents because its close to the city. 40% of the people of northwestern NJ and NE PA commute into the city on a daily basis.

Cousin should pay rent or get out. This is the kind of bs that causes resentment in families, with one party feeling that the other was not appreciative enough, and the second party feeling that it is none of their business.

You don't move to NYC then get a job. You get a job in NYC then start to look for a place. Otherwise tell him to go live with the guy that hangs next to AMNH and sleep in the park.

 

[nageov3t]

to the best of my knowledge, there's no issue with my cousin... he's the only son from my mom's identical twin sister who died in her mid 30's. he and I practically grew up like brothers and my mom thinks of him almost as a son.

if my parents kicked him out, I'd welcome him to stay in my extra bedroom because putting money down for a security deposit and buying furniture for a place where you'll only be living for a month is dumb.

of course, if he's still there after his sublet is out in September, that's a horse of a different color. I'm assuming he has savings or unemployment to get by on while he's looking for a job after that.