April Fool's Console Jokes Go Here

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Queasy

Queasy

Moderator<br>Console Gaming
Aug 24, 2001
31,796
2
0
Poll Update - Vote on the best April Fool's joke

360 Arcade falls to $129
Alpine Legend announced for 360.
Bethesda doubles the price of horse armor
Kojima April Fool's Day Video
Playstation Home hears your cries for Hamsters.
Red Faction: Guerilla special weapon introduced - the Ostrich Hammer.
Secret Killzone Multiplayer Characters Revealed
Splash Damage announces Tapir Wars: Welcome to the Jungle
Sony announces new initiative for PS3 adoption
Super Smash Brothers Brawl Extreme. Now with 1000% more blood.
Think Geek's fully functional Portal t-shirts
TMNT MMO
Umbrella Corporation requests bailout
Wii Balance Board learns the Feign Death skill
The Witcher ported to handhelds

'Tis the stupidest day of the year. Sometimes, a clever April Fool's joke happens, but mostly they are pretty lame.

Secret Killzone Multiplayer Characters Revealed

360 Arcade falls to $129

Bethesda doubles the price of horse armor

Sony announces new initiative for PS3 adoption

edit: After the day is over, we'll do a poll on the best console related April Fool's joke.

 
Queasy

Queasy

Moderator<br>Console Gaming
Aug 24, 2001
31,796
2
0
Umbrella Corporation requests bailout

Company founder begs Senate for $100 billion aid package in order to avoid imminent collapse, "unfortunate accidents."

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Executives from the Umbrella Corporation today asked the US government for nearly $100 billion in aid money. They said that without such funding, the world's largest pharmaceutical bioterrorism researcher could go bankrupt as early as June. It would be the company's second bankruptcy, having restructured several years ago after running a gauntlet of lawsuits and criminal investigations.

"This isn't just about keeping the Umbrella family together, or making sure our 10,000 employees have paychecks to put food on the table," Umbrella founder Ozwell E. Spencer said in an impassioned speech to the US Senate earlier today. "It's about hope. It's about mom, baseball, and apple pie. It's about keeping the United States at the forefront of exciting fields such as pharmaceutically mind-controlled supersoldiers."

Spencer said that simply powering the containment tanks at Umbrella's Washington, D.C. facility of supermutated biological weapons costs several million a month. He added that the company has been genetically engineering these creatures, which can no longer be deemed "human," so that they can sustain themselves only on the flesh of the perpetually homeless. Although Spencer stressed that only grown males were intended to be among the sustainable food sources for these creatures, he did admit that, "There are some glitches that have yet to be worked out." Last month's glitches alone tallied three women, a small orphanage, and a stray cat.

Opponents of the proposed Umbrella bailout, such as Senator Ron Davis, have criticized the company for stepping up its outsourcing in recent years. "Umbrella practically owned Raccoon City as the rural town grew into an industrialized metropolitan center," declared the senator. "But after the city was devastated by an unrelated catastrophe, Umbrella turned its back on the hard-working Americans of Raccoon City who survived physically, if not mentally. Instead, the company turned overseas, using subsidiaries to set up operations in rural Spain and the African nation of Kijuju, where labor is incredibly cheap and frequently homicidal."

After Spencer's appearance before Congress, Atlantic Colgate Securities' Wilson Evans downgraded Umbrella stock from "Hold" to "Sell."

"After years of stagnant revenues and slipping profit margins, we have lost faith in this management team," Evans said in a note to investors. "While they undeniably lead the world in turning ordinary people into turbo-freaky killing machines with, like, a bajillion tentacle knives, we are beginning to rethink the profit potential of furthering humanity's evolution by devastating the world's population. Also, we believe the corporation faces customer confusion issues, as Umbrella has been responsible for roughly a dozen different viruses on the market in the span of about a dozen years. Do they really expect consumers to understand the difference between the T-Virus and the T-Veronica Virus, or Las Plagas and Uroboros?"

In other bailout news, after being denied federal funding last month, the Mishima Corporation declared Chapter 7 bankruptcy today. "It turns out that holding a no-holds-barred international fighting tournament to determine the company's CEO wasn't such a hot idea after all," lamented one executive who wished to remain nameless.
Click to expand...
 
Queasy

Queasy

Moderator<br>Console Gaming
Aug 24, 2001
31,796
2
0
TMNT MMO

LOS ANGELES, CA - April 1st, 2009 - ZAM, LLC, the internet's largest community of Massively Multiplayer Online (MMO) gamers, today announced that it is entering the MMO industry by commencing the development of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Online, a new MMO based on one of the most famous North American comic books of all time.

"The opportunity to bring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to MMO gamers is something we are very proud of," said Jeff Moyer, ZAM President and founder of Allakhazam. "We have decided that commencing development on a TMNT MMO would be an amazing opportunity to push these pop culture icons into the new and exciting medium of digital gaming."

Developed by ZAM Interactive, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles online tells the story of the origins of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and follows their battle against Shredder and Krang in the TMNT Universe. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Online offers players a chance to join the TVRM Alliance (The Turtle, Rodent, Human, Vigilante Alliance) to fight anarchy as the Ninja Rat, the Reporter, the Sport Vigilante and, of course, the Ninja Turtle. Alternatively, fans can do evil with Shredder and Krang by joining the Dark Legion of Dark Forces.

TMNTO will also offer the ability for participants to engage in our patented 'reality' PvP, where the only limit is... there are no limits! TMNTO's PVP will be the most complete simulation of real life combat; not only will players be forced to deal with the spells and arrows of their enemies, but they will need to strategically plan their battles so that they don't accidentally take a hockey stick in the face from their allies!

Finally, TMNT Online will be the first MMO to entirely scrap the notion of experience points. Players will be able to purchase "turtle power" from the turtle store for a monetary fee; players can then 'use' the turtle power by yelling "Cowabunga" into their microphone to gain bonuses like 'vision,' and 'movement' for five minutes. "We've decided to integrate the same technology used to automate phone based customer service for players." said Andrew Beegle, Executive Producer of TMNTO. "NPCs will recognize and respond appropriately to what players are saying. Unfortunately we'll only be supporting this feature in English and Spanish at launch."
Click to expand...
 
Queasy

Queasy

Moderator<br>Console Gaming
Aug 24, 2001
31,796
2
0
Poll Update - Vote on the best April Fool's joke

360 Arcade falls to $129
Alpine Legend announced for 360.
Bethesda doubles the price of horse armor
Kojima April Fool's Day Video
Playstation Home hears your cries for Hamsters.
Red Faction: Guerilla special weapon introduced - the Ostrich Hammer.
Secret Killzone Multiplayer Characters Revealed
Splash Damage announces Tapir Wars: Welcome to the Jungle
Sony announces new initiative for PS3 adoption
Super Smash Brothers Brawl Extreme. Now with 1000% more blood.
Think Geek's fully functional Portal t-shirts
TMNT MMO
Umbrella Corporation requests bailout
Wii Balance Board learns the Feign Death skill
The Witcher ported to handhelds
 
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