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Anyone here completely cut off contact with thier family?

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Originally posted by: djheater
Originally posted by: purepollyEven then I lost some friends because they couldn't view me as an individual, distinct from my family after that point.
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I would say, then, that you lost no friends at all. 😀

I believe, ultimately, we're both on the same side of this (If one must see sides).

I mentioned extenuating circumstance and did not define it purposefully. Mine is not the same as yours no doubt, and each of us should do what is in the best interest of our own health and well-being.

I only meant to offer perspective. Often decisions of great magnitude are made without consideration of other parties. A decision, especially one which may affect children, should not be made egocentrically.
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True enough my friend 🙂

 
Ugh, don't even get me started on this. I don't talk to my dad or one of my brothers anymore for numerous reasons.

My other brother I haven't talked to since he got pissed off at me and called me cold-blooded for saying I would be glad if my other brother killed himself. Yes, there was a lot of bitterness involved.

It doesn't bother me anymore because they're out of my life and I'm better off not having to deal with their crap, but it wasn't an easy decision to make. Thankfully my wife's family was supportive through that whole mess.

 
Originally posted by: Encryptic
Ugh, don't even get me started on this. I don't talk to my dad or one of my brothers anymore for numerous reasons.

My other brother I haven't talked to since he got pissed off at me and called me cold-blooded for saying I would be glad if my other brother killed himself. Yes, there was a lot of bitterness involved.

It doesn't bother me anymore because they're out of my life and I'm better off not having to deal with their crap, but it wasn't an easy decision to make. Thankfully my wife's family was supportive through that whole mess.
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Encryptic - I also have told a family member that if he wanted to kill himself to go do it. Don't feel guilty about that. No one has the right to make you feel responsible for their life. We can only control ourselves.

I used to feel like I couldn't talk about for quite a while too. While mental illness may not be the issue you are dealing with, their are others out there who are in the same situation and looking for ideas. Sometimes they need to hear stories like this.

Frankly, I felt quite ashamed that all the craziness was in my family and on some level I still am ashamed about it. But there is an upside to this also, and not in an area I would I have thought to find it. I have found that several of my coworkers who have been actively battling with mental illness - and we are talking actual suicide attempts here - have really opened up and can truly relax in my presence. They know I am not afraid of mental illness like so many others are and that I will support them when I can, and because I have seen it first hand - they use me as a sounding board at times when they feel themselves slipping. I've actually got a lot of respect for these people - because it's a terrible cross to bear. My talking about my issues with my family has lightened their considerable load in some small way. Ironic huh?

Now talk to me about whine a**ed people who are slightly depressed and I just want to smack them upside the head. Jeez get a clue...
 
Originally posted by: purepolly
Originally posted by: Encryptic
Ugh, don't even get me started on this. I don't talk to my dad or one of my brothers anymore for numerous reasons.

My other brother I haven't talked to since he got pissed off at me and called me cold-blooded for saying I would be glad if my other brother killed himself. Yes, there was a lot of bitterness involved.

It doesn't bother me anymore because they're out of my life and I'm better off not having to deal with their crap, but it wasn't an easy decision to make. Thankfully my wife's family was supportive through that whole mess.
Click to expand...

Encryptic - I also have told a family member that if he wanted to kill himself to go do it. Don't feel guilty about that. No one has the right to make you feel responsible for their life. We can only control ourselves.

I used to feel like I couldn't talk about for quite a while too. While mental illness may not be the issue you are dealing with, their are others out there who are in the same situation and looking for ideas. Sometimes they need to hear stories like this.

Frankly, I felt quite ashamed that all the craziness was in my family and on some level I still am ashamed about it. But there is an upside to this also, and not in an area I would I have thought to find it. I have found that several of my coworkers who have been actively battling with mental illness - and we are talking actual suicide attempts here - have really opened up and can truly relax in my presence. They know I am not afraid of mental illness like so many others are and that I will support them when I can, and because I have seen it first hand - they use me as a sounding board at times when they feel themselves slipping. I've actually got a lot of respect for these people - because it's a terrible cross to bear. My talking about my issues with my family has lightened their considerable load in some small way. Ironic huh?

Now talk to me about whine a**ed people who are slightly depressed and I just want to smack them upside the head. Jeez get a clue...
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Wow. That's sad, but at least you can talk about it and help others 🙂. I've been on Wellbutrin for almost two years and had some therapy for anger management and depression. I'm just glad I don't talk to my father or my brother (the one who I said I would be glad if he killed himself, not the other one who got pissed at me for saying that) anymore because both of them really screwed me up mentally and I'm still dealing with it.
 
When my parents discovered I'd started having sex, they kicked me out (near the end of my freshman year at college), refused to take my calls, etc. I guess what I'd done went against their morals so strongly they couldn't deal... and were particularly afraid that I'd "brainwash" my sisters with my "evil ways."

I was homeless for a summer, and ended up getting an offer to live with Mark Cohen, my roommate Noelle's friend Joyce's then-boyfriend John's older brother's friend. Yeah. We met once, he took me in rent-free (and two months later, when I wouldn't sleep with him, locked me out of the house and changed the locks... I had to go in through a window to get my suitcase, clothes, etc.), and I lived there that summer.

At the end of the summer, my friend Minh brought me back home... drove me to the house, my parents opened the door (I hadn't seen or spoken to them for almost 6 months), and we all started crying.

Since then, they've grown to be more accepting of who I am (even if they don't agree with it), and we've come to the understanding that blood is blood. I love my family, and I would never consider cutting off contact with them again, for any reason... and I think they'd say the same.
 
Originally posted by: Dezign
When my parents discovered I'd started having sex, they kicked me out (near the end of my freshman year at college), refused to take my calls, etc. I guess what I'd done went against their morals so strongly they couldn't deal... and were particularly afraid that I'd "brainwash" my sisters with my "evil ways."

I was homeless for a summer, and ended up getting an offer to live with Mark Cohen, my roommate Noelle's friend Joyce's then-boyfriend John's older brother's friend. Yeah. We met once, he took me in rent-free (and two months later, when I wouldn't sleep with him, locked me out of the house and changed the locks... I had to go in through a window to get my suitcase, clothes, etc.), and I lived there that summer.

At the end of the summer, my friend Minh brought me back home... drove me to the house, my parents opened the door (I hadn't seen or spoken to them for almost 6 months), and we all started crying.

Since then, they've grown to be more accepting of who I am (even if they don't agree with it), and we've come to the understanding that blood is blood. I love my family, and I would never consider cutting off contact with them again, for any reason... and I think they'd say the same.
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That's incredible. I don't know what to say. Speaking for myself, if my parents threw me out in the street, I would never speak to them again. They would be dead to me, AFAIK.

My father tried to throw me out at 16. My mother wouldn't let him. After another couple of years of being punched by someone a foot shorter than you, I left at 18.

My dad and I were never really close to begin with. Currently, he's in a nursing home waiting to die. Parkinson's and Alzheimers...AFA the tests/docs can tell. He's a vegetable. Can't move. Can't speak. Can't do anything....at all.

My mom and brother go to see him 1x week. I haven't seen him in three years. I have seen him maybe three times in the past ten years and have no desire to see him before he dies. I dislike him that much.

My mother OTOH is a wonderful woman...who did the best she could w/the cards she dealt herself (SHE married the guy....not me!) My mom I love very much. My dad can kiss my ass on the way down to hell.
 

Wow. That's sad, but at least you can talk about it and help others 🙂. I've been on Wellbutrin for almost two years and had some therapy for anger management and depression. I'm just glad I don't talk to my father or my brother (the one who I said I would be glad if he killed himself, not the other one who got pissed at me for saying that) anymore because both of them really screwed me up mentally and I'm still dealing with it.[/quote]

Yea, I used to feel that way too until I decided I get to choose the direction of my life. I'm responsible for me and no one else (other than my kids). No one plays with my head anymore. That's why I made the break. Once that became really clear to me things started to get better. Then I questioned if I was nuts - my therapists and close friends helped clear that up. Then I went through a period where I wondered why these people where in my life - that was tough, but worthwhile. Now I'm working on being able to laugh about and put it into a healthy perspective....
 
Originally posted by: MichaelD
Originally posted by: Dezign
When my parents discovered I'd started having sex, they kicked me out (near the end of my freshman year at college), refused to take my calls, etc. I guess what I'd done went against their morals so strongly they couldn't deal... and were particularly afraid that I'd "brainwash" my sisters with my "evil ways."

I was homeless for a summer, and ended up getting an offer to live with Mark Cohen, my roommate Noelle's friend Joyce's then-boyfriend John's older brother's friend. Yeah. We met once, he took me in rent-free (and two months later, when I wouldn't sleep with him, locked me out of the house and changed the locks... I had to go in through a window to get my suitcase, clothes, etc.), and I lived there that summer.

At the end of the summer, my friend Minh brought me back home... drove me to the house, my parents opened the door (I hadn't seen or spoken to them for almost 6 months), and we all started crying.

Since then, they've grown to be more accepting of who I am (even if they don't agree with it), and we've come to the understanding that blood is blood. I love my family, and I would never consider cutting off contact with them again, for any reason... and I think they'd say the same.
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That's incredible. I don't know what to say. Speaking for myself, if my parents threw me out in the street, I would never speak to them again. They would be dead to me, AFAIK.

My father tried to throw me out at 16. My mother wouldn't let him. After another couple of years of being punched by someone a foot shorter than you, I left at 18.

My dad and I were never really close to begin with. Currently, he's in a nursing home waiting to die. Parkinson's and Alzheimers...AFA the tests/docs can tell. He's a vegetable. Can't move. Can't speak. Can't do anything....at all.

My mom and brother go to see him 1x week. I haven't seen him in three years. I have seen him maybe three times in the past ten years and have no desire to see him before he dies. I dislike him that much.

My mother OTOH is a wonderful woman...who did the best she could w/the cards she dealt herself (SHE married the guy....not me!) My mom I love very much. My dad can kiss my ass on the way down to hell.
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I have the same relationship with my mom. She is a SAINT for putting up with my dad this long. I wish I could spend more time with her, but as long as my dad is around, that's not going to happen. 🙁
 
I don't speak to my parents very often. Usually when they need something they'll call me or I'll talk to my mom when I need a haircut.

My sister, on the other hand, is now being swept up in this whole "Christian Fellowship" bullshit being driven by her puke of a husband and I don't talk to her anymore.

amish
 
I grew up with a mean and I might as well say it, psycho mother. Do I still talk to her....yes. I decided in my early 20's that dragging around that hate was hurting no one but me. I just let it go. Over the years, my mom has mellowed and we are now able to be friends sometimes.

As for my Dad and sister, life would never be the same without them! Dad is my daddy and my sister is one of my closest friends.

I understand about shutting people out of your life. If you feel it is best for your sanity, then do so but know that you may come to regret it when you are older.
 
Originally posted by: Gaard
I'm waiting for that one member who'll admit that they're partly to blame. 😉
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I'm sure we're all partly to blame, including me. Just depends on the situation though.
 
Originally posted by: Dezign
When my parents discovered I'd started having sex, they kicked me out (near the end of my freshman year at college), refused to take my calls, etc. I guess what I'd done went against their morals so strongly they couldn't deal... and were particularly afraid that I'd "brainwash" my sisters with my "evil ways."

I was homeless for a summer, and ended up getting an offer to live with Mark Cohen, my roommate Noelle's friend Joyce's then-boyfriend John's older brother's friend. Yeah. We met once, he took me in rent-free (and two months later, when I wouldn't sleep with him, locked me out of the house and changed the locks... I had to go in through a window to get my suitcase, clothes, etc.), and I lived there that summer.

At the end of the summer, my friend Minh brought me back home... drove me to the house, my parents opened the door (I hadn't seen or spoken to them for almost 6 months), and we all started crying.

Since then, they've grown to be more accepting of who I am (even if they don't agree with it), and we've come to the understanding that blood is blood. I love my family, and I would never consider cutting off contact with them again, for any reason... and I think they'd say the same.
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Wow, you waited till you were in college? I commend thee! 😉

 
man reading all these posts makes me appreciate my family even more...we are there for each other always no matter what.

I grew up knowing that familia is number one..no matter what you have in life, family always comes first.

and my kids are grwoing up the same way..i cant fathom a situtation that would prompt me to cut off contact...

 
Originally posted by: AstIsis
I grew up with a mean and I might as well say it, psycho mother. Do I still talk to her....yes. I decided in my early 20's that dragging around that hate was hurting no one but me. I just let it go. Over the years, my mom has mellowed and we are now able to be friends sometimes.

As for my Dad and sister, life would never be the same without them! Dad is my daddy and my sister is one of my closest friends.

I understand about shutting people out of your life. If you feel it is best for your sanity, then do so but know that you may come to regret it when you are older.
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Good comment, maybe I should clarify that I made this decision in my late 30's after years of trying to work on these issues...
 
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