Anyone here completely cut off contact with thier family?

[tnitsuj]

How long have you done it for, and how has it benifited you?

 

[Geekbabe]

A good portion of my family of origin is pretty toxic to my sanity,I don't speak with most of em except for weddings and funerals.

 

[tnitsuj]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
A good portion of my family of origin is pretty toxic to my sanity,I don't speak with most of em except for weddings and funerals.

No I mean completely. No family events nothing. If both my folks died in a flaming wreck I wouldn't care less, and wouldn't go to the funeral.

 

[cpals]

Originally posted by: tnitsuj

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
A good portion of my family of origin is pretty toxic to my sanity,I don't speak with most of em except for weddings and funerals.

No I mean completely. No family events nothing. If both my folks died in a flaming wreck I wouldn't care less, and wouldn't go to the funeral.

That sounds nice...

Maybe you guys should talk things out?

 

[tnitsuj]

Originally posted by: cpals

Originally posted by: tnitsuj

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
A good portion of my family of origin is pretty toxic to my sanity,I don't speak with most of em except for weddings and funerals.

No I mean completely. No family events nothing. If both my folks died in a flaming wreck I wouldn't care less, and wouldn't go to the funeral.

That sounds nice...

Maybe you guys should talk things out?

But why?

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: tnitsuj

Originally posted by: cpals

Originally posted by: tnitsuj

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
A good portion of my family of origin is pretty toxic to my sanity,I don't speak with most of em except for weddings and funerals.

No I mean completely. No family events nothing. If both my folks died in a flaming wreck I wouldn't care less, and wouldn't go to the funeral.

That sounds nice...

Maybe you guys should talk things out?

But why?

But why all the hate?

 

[Yossarian]

I haven't spoken to my mom in 3 years. She left my dad after 28 years of marriage, took all his money, and also screwed my brother over financially. She made no effort to talk to me before she left (or after, for that matter). I got a couple cards for holidays until I returned one to her unopened and said if that's the best she can do, not to bother. I don't expect to ever see or speak to her again, and I am ok with that because the rest of my family is much better off now.

 

[Tom]

If it didn't matter to you, why talk about it ?

Obviously, it does matter.

 

[zCypher]

I still live with my family and there is already minimal contact, so I'd imagine I wouldn't have much contact once I leave. Probably none whatsoever.

 

[GaryShandling]

The key to mental health is distancing ourselves from family members.

-Frasier-

 

[MichaelD]

tnitsuj,

I have to ask; how old are you? Do you still live at home? These are important questions.

 

[exp]

Extended family: no contact
Parents: write & visit
Sister: write only rarely, never see unless visiting the folks together

 

[MainFramed]

Originally posted by: AgaBooga

Originally posted by: tnitsuj

Originally posted by: cpals

Originally posted by: tnitsuj

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
A good portion of my family of origin is pretty toxic to my sanity,I don't speak with most of em except for weddings and funerals.

No I mean completely. No family events nothing. If both my folks died in a flaming wreck I wouldn't care less, and wouldn't go to the funeral.

That sounds nice...

Maybe you guys should talk things out?

But why?

But why all the hate?

really...you should try to slove something there, that isint right...

 

[EvanGeliSt]

Ack - I'm 22 and living alone right now...

But still keep in contact with my family once in a while - parents call me 😛(should call but always too lazy) and see siblings online pretty often...

I'm no counsellor for this matter - unless something's seriously gone bad, i think family is your closest friends you can depend on under whatsoever conditions....

 

[NetWareHead]

Originally posted by: PipBoy
I haven't spoken to my mom in 3 years. She left my dad after 28 years of marriage, took all his money, and also screwed my brother over financially. She made no effort to talk to me before she left (or after, for that matter). I got a couple cards for holidays until I returned one to her unopened and said if that's the best she can do, not to bother. I don't expect to ever see or speak to her again, and I am ok with that because the rest of my family is much better off now.

I can understand and relate to this...my mom took much of my father's money and tried to screw me over as well. She brought alot of shame to our family and to this day I am embarrassed by some of the things she did to us in her quest for money. I'm also pissed that she still keeps my father's last name and people know she's related to me. She still tries to get money from my father in court until I took it upon myself to build a case against her, collecting all the evidence necessary and my work was so good that the judge threw her case out within the first 10 minutes. That just drove us further apart. I broke contract with her when I was 19 (I'm 23 now) and we've had sporadic contact...I can't be around her without getting angry, remembering all the sh!t she's done to us. We've had many fights, awful things said back and forth and I just prefer to never talk to her because I don't need that kind of unhealthy relationship. I would have to say that this is the only part of my life that I really hate, the fact that I don't have a good relationship with my mother...one would think after 5 years the anger would have subsided but in my case no. Sometime I wonder if I will ever forgive her. 🙁

 

[purepolly]

I agree that sometimes it is the key to mental sanity. It can be very hard for others who have "semi-normal" families to understand how and why it is necessary to take this course of action, but it comes down to self-preservation. I have had no contact for 5 years with both my sister and father and it is one of the smartest actions I have ever taken. Yet, I still have moments where I wish it somehow could be different. The reality however is that they are majorly screwed up and and I'm not willing to have my life impacted by their behavior anymore while they continue this way.

 

[glugglug]

glad I'm not the only one.

Misery loves company.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: tnitsuj
How long have you done it for, and how has it benifited you?

My father-in-law did and his children are pretty hurt by it. He did it before they were born and his parents died without meeting thier grandchildren. Many children desire a connection to their personal history, he denied this to them. That's unfortunate.

Luckily my own father reconciled with his father before the old man died. I'm grateful I had a chance to meet the man that had such an impact on my own dad. Would've been a shame if I hadn't.

IMHO cutting off ties with family is pretty bad. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I'd say it's your family, you're stuck with them. Deal.


~edited to make sense. 😉

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Originally posted by: tnitsuj

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
A good portion of my family of origin is pretty toxic to my sanity,I don't speak with most of em except for weddings and funerals.

No I mean completely. No family events nothing. If both my folks died in a flaming wreck I wouldn't care less, and wouldn't go to the funeral.

I dont know if you wouldnt care less if they died. I just went to a funeral of my moms father. I never met, she hasnt seen in 25 yrs because of something that happened when i was an infant. He was abusive to her in ALL ways. But she was very upset when he passed away last week. And we drove 20 hours to a funeral for a guy i never even knew and a man she hated.

 

[purepolly]

"IMHO cutting off ties with family is pretty bad. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I'd say it's your family, you're stuck with them. Deal."

Of course it is pretty bad, that's why people generally don't take these types of decisons lightly.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: purepolly
"IMHO cutting off ties with family is pretty bad. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I'd say it's your family, you're stuck with them. Deal."

Of course it is pretty bad, that's why people generally don't take these types of decisons lightly.

All my advice was intended to convey.

(lightly as in asking a tech internet forum for advice regarding it???)

😉 🙂

 

[Modeps]

We cut ties with my dad's sister. She basically tainted herself beyond believe when she contested my dad being the executor of my grandmother's estate. She rarely saw own mother (she lives in Canada) then felt she deserved basically everything my gradmother owned.
she never showed up for the hearing on the estate, and havnt heard from them since. It would have been nice if she HAD been civil.. she's loaded and I'm getting married this august! 🙂

 

[purepolly]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: purepolly
"IMHO cutting off ties with family is pretty bad. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I'd say it's your family, you're stuck with them. Deal."

Of course it is pretty bad, that's why people generally don't take these types of decisons lightly.

All my advice was intended to convey.

(lightly as in asking a tech internet forum for advice regarding it???)

😉 🙂

😀

Anonymity is a wonderful thing. Depending on the nature of the problem this may actually be the ideal forum for getting input.

For example, when I was working through the issues with my sister years ago with my friends - they were absolutely amazed that I had these types of issues to deal with in my family - because it is SO different from who and what I am. Even then I lost some friends because they couldn't view me as an individual, distinct from my family after that point.

 

[purepolly]

I cut off contact with my sister and father because I believe they are mentally ill. Two other siblings also feel the same way and independently have taken the same action.

Sometimes the problems to be solved, can't be solved by us and the best thing is to walk away.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: purepollyEven then I lost some friends because they couldn't view me as an individual, distinct from my family after that point.

I would say, then, that you lost no friends at all. 😀

I believe, ultimately, we're both on the same side of this (If one must see sides).

I mentioned extenuating circumstance and did not define it purposefully. Mine is not the same as yours no doubt, and each of us should do what is in the best interest of our own health and well-being.

I only meant to offer perspective. Often decisions of great magnitude are made without consideration of other parties. A decision, especially one which may affect children, should not be made egocentrically.


~edit stupid end italics...