Anyone have a list of funny stuff you can say to telemarketers?

[Emulex]

I talk dirty to them, you know like "First im going to unzip your pants.. then i'm going to lick you ..."..


Never had one call back, have had a couple scream...

 

[IcemanJer]

<< I talk dirty to them, you know like &quot;First im going to unzip your pants.. then i'm going to lick you ...&quot;..

Never had one call back, have had a couple scream... >>

LMAO!!!!!

 

[Argo]

I just pretend I don't speak english, and act otherwise retarded.

Telemarketer: Good afternoon sir!
Me: Excuse ma...
Telemarketer: Sir, are you aware that AT&amp;T has this new great long distance plan?
Me: Who you want?
Telemarketer: Sir, are you the decission maker in this house?
Me: You want talk Mark?
Telemarketer: Sir, can I speak with somebody who can make a decission about long distance plan?
Me: Excuse ma...
Telemarketer: I'm sorry, I'll call later.
Me: Call who?
<< The other person quitely hangs up>>

 

[Spamela]

after i say &quot;take me off your call list. if you call me again i'll take you to court for harrassment&quot; the telemarketers laugh uncontrollably.

 

[BrunoPuntzJones]

how about just saying you are robbing the house, and that the owners probably wont have enough money after this to buy whatever they are selling

 

[FrogDog]

Ripped from Seinfeld:

Telemarketer: &quot;Would you like a subscription to the New York Times?&quot;

Jerry: &quot;Yeah!&quot;

CLICK

 

[GasX]

Cherrytwist - it is customary to credit the source when you plagiarize...

 

[HipnoticTranz]

Just pick up and be like:

&quot;[enter your name here] whore house, how can I please you?&quot;

 

[Peetoeng]

Me: helo
Telemarketer: yada yada yada...would you like to buy a piece of iceberg?

If the telemarketer simply blurts out like a train, I'd hang up.

If he/she is corteous, then I'd listen till finished.

If the female voice sounds sexy, I'd definitely tell her that, and thank her .

 

[Fandu]

I can't remember who it was that first explained this, Tim Allen or Sienfeld, someone anyways. You'll need a tape recorder by the phone or something. In your best TM voice, record your ad something along the lines of 'For the low low price of $199.95 per minute you can speak to Mr. <name>. Payment can be made via VISA or Mastercard in 3 easy payments of $199.95, please enter your credit card number now by using the keypad numbers.' Then just wait and see what happens.

haha, I've had a few interesting replies, no CC #'s though yet.

 

[LordMaul]

<< tell them you are god, and that you can't be trifled with such insignificant things as (insert marketing ploy here)

it'll work if you stick with it >>



ROTFLMAO...

I GOTTA TRY THAT!

 

[LordMaul]

<< I talk dirty to them, you know like &quot;First im going to unzip your pants.. then i'm going to lick you ...&quot;..


Never had one call back, have had a couple scream... >>



LOL!!

I really laughed out loud!

 

[RayH]

Tell them &quot;You need to talk to D.T.&quot; and hang up. Dial Tone.

 

[ElPool]

telemarketer: hello, im calling to tell you about....
you: wow! you have a really sexy voice!
tm: um ok, like i was saying, we have a geat new deal...
you: hold on, let my unzip my pants.... you were saying?
tm: we have a great new deal on long distance service...
you: whhoa-ah-ah-ah (orgasm noises) oh yea... whew!

 

[crt1530]

Check out Tom Mabe. Download some of his stuff from your favorite MP3 share.

 

[Triumph]

i have no sympathy for the telemarketers themselves. they don't have to do that job. me, I'd rather work at McDonald's than do telemarketing.

 

[Rand]

Personally I prefer CherryTwists idea....




<< Telemarketer: Blah, blah blah...(eventually asks a question)
Me: Can I ask you a question?
Telemarketer: Sure!
Me: Can I have your home phone number?
Telemarketer: (pause) No, you cannot.
Me: Why not?
Telemarketer: (pause)
Me: Let me guess. You don't anybody bothering you at home, right?
Telembarkter: (confused) Well, no.
Me: Neither do I! (click!) >>

 

[uwantasumwang]

heres a couple of the better ones I've done myself..

1) one called me and started throwing their pitch at me... I asked them to hold on a sec and started making rude puking sounds next to the phone for about 5 minutes..

2) you can tell them that they are using your personal property for their private profit, and that is illegal without your permission, and unless they settle it with you out of court you are going to sue (works real good if you make up some make-believe state statuate....

3) make up a really obscene product and try to sell it to them... I tried selling one of the ladies a edible dildo one day. she wasn't interested.. and I've tried selling the guys a blow up doll.. no buyers there yet...

4) start preaching the gospel/witnessing to them.. tell them about all the great things in your religion.. other variations I've done include trying to convert them to buddhists or hinduism.. or some demonic religion.....

all those have good results

 

[mollymawk]

Many of you may not have been here last year for this very funny thread:

Telemarketers...What Do You Do?

Ah, just reading that thread brings back memories!