Anyone else socially anxious? (in real life)

[spittledip]

Originally posted by: LostWanderer
Heck, I have anxiety posting here. How do you think I am in the real world?

Come to think of it, speaking your mind around this forum these days is LESS forgiving than the real world.

You know what is really scary? The hostility you experience on these forums is waht you would experience in "real life" if people were not afraid of the consequences of such behavior. Getting banned and flamed is much easier to deal with than getting your ass kicked.. or getting fired or being tossed in a padded room.

 

[spittledip]

I have some social anxiety, but not too much. My thing is that I don't care for a lot of small talk and am not all that good at it depending on the topic. So, I tend to sit back and listen rather than talk. There is no shame in just listening and contributing when you think you have something valuable to contribute. I also do better in small groups. The dynamics get more and more complicated the bigger the group gets, and others around you unconsciously understand that as well and they go into their modes of behavior that will get them what they think they want, which leaves some of us uncomfortable and awkward.

 

[meltdown75]

i used to be a lot more introverted and shy. you might grow out of it. what are ya, 9? give it a few years, young padawan learner.

 

[yhelothar]

Originally posted by: lucasorion
My problem is small talk. I just don't have the patience for it, and can't fake it. This limits the opportunities for much social interaction, especially around the office. Everyone around me is going "Hi ___, how are you doing?" "I'm doing good, how are you?" to multiple people throughout the day - and I just can't bring myself to participate in this social ritual (I often think of the nature documentaries with primates picking through each others fur). You're not really asking someone how they are doing, or how their weekend was - it's so artificial. You're really just saying hello twice.

Agreed, but what other way is there to break the ice to get into the more intelligent and engaging conversations?

I've always struggled with small talk. But now after finding a lot of difficulting breaking the ice, I'm starting to want to be able to make myself comfortable and adept in it.

 

[UncleWai]

Presentations were nightmares for me during high school, partly because my English sucked at the time. You just have to force yourself into public speaking situations like taking a speech course.
Taking a teaching job will help as well. I am the master at bullshitology now. I can just go to class unprepared and ramble on for an hour.

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: UNCjigga
And yeah, I got the pic. But I barely said anything the whole time. Hot chicks just render me speechless.

Mushroom! MUSHROOM!

 

[M0oG0oGaiPan]

Originally posted by: Jeff7

Originally posted by: UNCjigga
And yeah, I got the pic. But I barely said anything the whole time. Hot chicks just render me speechless.

Mushroom! MUSHROOM!

Snake it's a snaaake!

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: M0oG0oGaiPan

Originally posted by: Jeff7

Originally posted by: UNCjigga
And yeah, I got the pic. But I barely said anything the whole time. Hot chicks just render me speechless.

Mushroom! MUSHROOM!

Snake it's a snaaake!

Mmm, this thread just got sexy. I saw the badger, and the two mushrooms, and you've got the snake. Giggidygiggidygoooo!"

 

[AznAnarchy99]

Originally posted by: spittledip

Originally posted by: LostWanderer
Heck, I have anxiety posting here. How do you think I am in the real world?

Come to think of it, speaking your mind around this forum these days is LESS forgiving than the real world.

You know what is really scary? The hostility you experience on these forums is waht you would experience in "real life" if people were not afraid of the consequences of such behavior. Getting banned and flamed is much easier to deal with than getting your ass kicked.. or getting fired or being tossed in a padded room.

Thats the one thing i like on these forums is cause people will give you the blunt answer.

I used to be the shy person until i started hanging out with the people i do now. We rag on each other all day so I've built a thicker skin. I dont know why we do it, but we do. For meeting new people in public, i still have that shyness that i cant go up to another girl. If im under the influence of alcohol thats another story though =p

 

[ShadowOfMyself]

Originally posted by: spittledip

Originally posted by: LostWanderer
Heck, I have anxiety posting here. How do you think I am in the real world?

Come to think of it, speaking your mind around this forum these days is LESS forgiving than the real world.

You know what is really scary? The hostility you experience on these forums is waht you would experience in "real life" if people were not afraid of the consequences of such behavior. Getting banned and flamed is much easier to deal with than getting your ass kicked.. or getting fired or being tossed in a padded room.

Thats exactly why I hate crowds, the world is filled with assholes Id rather not deal with

 

[Locut0s]

I take Paxil.

 

[nageov3t]

I'm kind of the opposite.

give me an audience or somewhere to hold court and I'm a happy camper; I always feel weird and awkward in small-groups, though (1-3 people... 4+ is really my comfort zone)

 

[Deleted member 4644]

I used to have panic attacks during public speaking. I also used to feel nervous in certain social situations, usually with girls.

I had a series of extremely extremely bad panic attacks where I had to go to the ER/Call 911.

After I realized that my heart was strong enough to handle even a mind-numbing panic attack, I eventually got over it and I am now more social and less anxious than ever.

I have, btw, always enjoyed being social, I was just not as good at it before.

 

[TBone48]

Originally posted by: Woosta

Originally posted by: TBone48
I've been like this my whole life. If it wasn't for my wife I would never speak to new people. I totally freeze in a group of people, and I'm not much better one-on-one.

Could you elaborate? How did your wife help?

My wife is much more "normal" socially than me. She has no problem making conversations in a group of strangers and usually finds a new friend or two everywhere she goes. By association I am "forced" to socialize. Once I get going, it's not too bad, but I am almost paralyzed when I first try to enter a conversation or introduce myself to someone.

I will say it has gotten better over the years, to the point where I can fake being comfortable in a crowd, but inside I still dread the whole experience. So if it wasn't for my wife I'd probably never meet any new people.

 

[JohnCU]

had this since i was in 8th grade, couldn't even talk to someone without turning all shades of red with gallons of sweat dripping off of me, not to mention the stuttering.

pretty much isolated me through all of highschool until i went to the doctor and got some meds. now i'm not sure which is worse, the meds and side effects or the anxiety.

 

[lucasorion]

That kind of testimonial is why I still haven't tried taking meds for my social anxiety (or my previous bouts with depression) - but I don't even like to take aspirin for headaches.

 

[clamum]

I used to be more shy and introverted, but I am not as much anymore. I'm still usually quiet and laid-back in social situations, though. That's just me though... it's hard to picture myself as this real gregarious, social-butterfly type person. I'm just more chill.

 

[GTaudiophile]

I am the same way. I always feel that conversations between lots of people just aren't as genuine as between 2 or 3.

 

[rasczak]

Originally posted by: OUCaptain

Originally posted by: TBone48
I've been like this my whole life. If it wasn't for my wife I would never speak to new people. I totally freeze in a group of people, and I'm not much better one-on-one.

I think what got me out of it was I happened across a job in telecom that forced me talk professionally all day with secretaries to CEOs. After I got the professionalism down, I started learning to joke around bit by bit. Before I knew it, :arms in the air: I WAS HEALED!!! The only solution is to force yourself into those situations and realize that the other people don't see you like you do in your head. They are much more forgiving than you are to yourself. If they are not...fuck em. Find new friends

QFT. You need to step out of your comfort zone. Just a little at a time, like baby steps if you're really anxious.

 

[rasczak]

Originally posted by: UNCjigga
I can never talk to hot girls that I see. I don't know why. This past weekend my roommate and I were in the Metro station, and we saw these two really cute girls. One was wearing a Wisconsin tee (and I must say she filled it out quite nicely!) It was ironic because at that very moment, I was texting a friend who was a big K State fan (they played each other in the tourney that day.)

So I turn to my roommate and say "it'd be cool if I went up to her and asked, 'Can I take a picture of your chest and send it to my friend just to piss him off?'" I laughed. He looked at me and said, "well, why don't you?" I kinda just stared, and at that point he went up to her and asked. She was all weird, but because he wasn't awkward he was able to strike up a conversation with the girls and play it off.

So we talked to them on the subway, found out they were headed to ESPN Zone (ugghh) and when we told them we were going to a bbq, they almost wanted to join us.

And yeah, I got the pic. But I barely said anything the whole time. Hot chicks just render me speechless.

She's a looker.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Woosta
I can never talk in crowds.. but when there aren't much people around I talk much more.. anyone else the same way? Have you been this way all your life? Or have you changed?

No, we are all filthy rich and dating supermodels...didn't you know that?

 

[BurnItDwn]

Ehh, I have some issues with it. I tried taxing Paxil due to pressure from the GF, and it made me miserable. It was the worst two weeks of my life. I'd much rather deal with my problems than put that shit in my system again.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Socially awkward? On this forum! NEVARRR!!

 

[meltdown75]

I know I already chided you with my lame padawan response, but this morning I was thinking - this world is also short on good listeners. Consider that as well.

 

[Electric Amish]

Yes. If I'm in a social situation with more than maybe 10 people I get very anxious (this includes family and friends).