My parents are driving me absolutely nuts. They control every aspect of my life. They are always saying that they trust me and stuff, but then they ask all kinds of questions and I know that they don't trust me a bit. I am 17 and they won't let me have my own life. I am a good student in school, a respectable citizen, and a good kid overall. They treat me like I am a juvenile delinquent. I have become suicidal over the issue and my friends are pretty much the only reason I am alive. Is anyone else in this situation? Am I alone? How do I overcome this? I am going crazy. Somebody please help me.
Anyone else have CONTROLLING PARENTS?
- Thread starter Chelsey
- Start date
They ask questions because they know what they did as kids and because they love you. It has nothing to do with respect or trust. Trust doesn't mean they don't ask what you are doing or who you are doing it with. You'll realize that when you get older. That I can promise. Now, if you are suicidal over it then you have more issues than just controlling parents.
Do what I did. Move the f*ck out as soon as you finish HS and never come back aside from the usual holiday visits and such. I made a point of being financially and otherwise independent from my folks as soon as I was legally able because they were just too involved in my life and it drove me crazy. I took out a massive chunk of student loans to do so, but it was worth it.
AgaBoogaBoo
Lifer
- Feb 16, 2003
- 26,108
- 5
- 81
Tell them as much as you can when they ask you questions, seriously. If you try and not answer they will only get more suspicious. Just tell them everything if you are doing the right thing as it sounds and it'll be fine.
Also, if you gain their real trust now, it will help in the long run.
Also, if you gain their real trust now, it will help in the long run.
No, I'm not Asian. What am I supposed to do? My parents WILL NOT let me get a job! I know that they love me and all, but if I don't get freedom gradually, what's gonna happen when I get it all at once when I go to college? I am going to freak out and be wild and drop out of college!
Hahahaha... drop out? hey thats me!
seriously... if you cant do isht now... then just finish college as soon as you can... and don't go crazy before that. i did and here i am regretting it because i abused my first taste of freedom. :frown:Not being able to get a job is a little extreme, but some parents want you to focus on school. What kind of grades do you get? My parents preferred that I didn't work, but I did so anyway. Flat out telling you that you CANNOT have a job is a bit extreme... what is their reasoning?
What else do they control? Do they prevent you from doing everything you want to do? We need more details. Parents that control too much end up with their kids ignoring them once they reach adulthood or with kids that go nuts in college. Have you tried talking them in the least bit to get their reasoning? Without details though who can really say? Perspective is always different.
Have you ever tried explaining this to them? Not in such a harsh manner, of course.
Also, could you share some specifics on a situation? As already stated your parents can trust you but still be concerned with your life/activities. If they trust you that doesn't mean that they should never ask any questions about where you're going etcetera.
They might love you extremely and don't want to see anything happen to you, but they just don't know how to loosen up real well.
Talk it over sometime, I think you'd be surprised.
Also, could you share some specifics on a situation? As already stated your parents can trust you but still be concerned with your life/activities. If they trust you that doesn't mean that they should never ask any questions about where you're going etcetera.
They might love you extremely and don't want to see anything happen to you, but they just don't know how to loosen up real well.
Talk it over sometime, I think you'd be surprised.
Siddhartha
Lifer
- Oct 17, 1999
- 12,505
- 3
- 81
Hold on until you go to college. Make sure you go to a school that is as far away from the parents as possible. When you are at college only go home as often as you have to without hurting anyone's feelings.
I've had controlling parents, but after college they did a 180 degree chill out. They party crazier than I do on certain weeks. I'm happy for them, and I know why they were so controlling when I was growing up. Just know they care about you and always realize that no matter how hard life kicks your as.s (and it will), your parents will always be there.
Zebo
Elite Member
- Jul 29, 2001
- 39,398
- 19
- 81
Trust you? LOL My dad never asked our "emotional" or "feelings" state nor devulged how he "felt". His way or the highway...super ole' school hardass.
He's a teddy bear now with the grandkids..but growing up not so talketive...actions/glares spoke volumes. That said I love him for being a man and instilling real life lessons from finance to responsiblity.
He's a teddy bear now with the grandkids..but growing up not so talketive...actions/glares spoke volumes. That said I love him for being a man and instilling real life lessons from finance to responsiblity.
They just couldn't leave anything alone....friends, school (even though I was an honors student and National Merit Scholar), girlfriend, etc. They were particularly annoying with money stuff; anything they "helped" me with would then be held over my head for all eternity. It really, really sucked to be poor as hell for so many years (I was paying for school, rent, utilities, food, everything) but it was worth it to get them out of my hair. I'm just now paying off my student loans (graduated in '93) but I wouldn't go back and change things.
I make straight A's. It's pretty hard to do too, because our grading scale is hard. 95 and above is an A. My dad has bipolar too, I forgot to mention that. I have tried reasoning with both of my parents. My mom really doesnt care what I do, it's my dad. He trusts NOBODY. He doesn't even trust my mom, and they've been married for 19 years. He asks questions about EVERYTHING and expects to know exactly what I did all day, where I am at, what I did while I was there, etc. I have to lock my computer just to keep him from snooping around. I went to a shrink about this and he said my dad was too controlling. My dad just told me the guy was insane. It's impossible!
Haha, I built that system for her. They don't know a thing about what's in it. They just think it looks nice (silver Chenming/Chieftec/Antec aluminum server tower w/window and blue cold cathode).
Her dad really is way more controlling than necessary.
What do you tell him when he asks? My parents snooped around some, but I never let it bother me that bad. My parents would ask me where I was and I usually told them. I'm just not sure I can comprehend how bad it is. My parents were pretty strict about things, but starting softening up when I was about 17. I guess the reason I didn't have that much of a problem is because I do what I want regardless. Sure they got mad when I would do things that they didn't like or stayed out late, but they knew I was going to do it anyway. I wasn't out doing anything stupid either. I didn't start doing ignorant things until I was 18. A lot of the time I just didn't tell my parents things or ignored them when they asked. I don't mean general questions but more specific things. i.e. Where were you? Over at Kerry's house. Ok, what were you doing? Just hanging out. Oh ok. That's how the discourse went most of the time. There were times when they wanted more details, but I would just respond with general statements. "What do you mean by hanging out?" Well, what it means mother. I was just over at his house and we were just doing whatever. My parents were strict to a sense, but I'm a private person with a very independent spirit. If I didn't want to do something or I wanted to do something I did. That doesn't mean I didn't listen, I just weighted the pros and cons and made my decision. Of course the cons were what the reactions of my parents would be...I never did anything too bad while I lived with them.
When he asks you that stuff is he persistent? I mean is he wanting details or just general information? There's a difference between wanting to know what you are up to, and wanting to know if you were out screwing goats. Capiche? Is he begging you for details and demanding you list out your day in 5 minute increments, or is he asking you what you were doing that day?
My parents nagged me about things, but all parents do. One thing I learned was that I should have listened to them more on certain things... I didn't have a great homelife, but living on your own isn't always what you think. Especially not at 17. Now in college, in a dorm or apartment I can understand, but while in HS it would be tough.
Parents telling children not to get a job is one of the biggest controls since you need money to get away and without it you are stuck with them. Once you know you can get a job, then you know you can save the money and get the hell out. I didn't get a job till I was out of highschool but I could've easily had one before but my parents didn't want me to work because of school supposedly. It was just there way of controlling me. Controlling what I bought and where I went and basically everything.
It was really aggrivating.
It was really aggrivating.
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