Any stay-at-home dads around here?

[NFS4]

I have a few questions for any possible stay-at-home dads here. I'm getting married this June and my fiance have been talking about a lot of things recently, and of course the topic of kids has come up quite a bit (I'm 29, she'll be 26 next month).

She's a school teacher, I work from home. I made the suggestion that I wouldn't mind staying at home to be Mr. Mom if she would continue to work her job as a teacher (whenever we decide to have a kid). I'm pretty flexible with my hours, I love kids, and am very patient with them.

She seemed hip to the idea at first, but now I kind of start to get the sense that she's kinda hesitant about the idea. It's not the fact that she thinks I would suck at it, she's thinking that she would miss out on a lot by being at work (something that the dad normally misses out on traditionally).

My whole point has been that it doesn't make sense for both of us to be at home during the day and lose an income if one parent is already going to be at home anyway. It just seems like a waste. On top of that, we would have the help of my mom who works only two days a week and more than likely would love to help out any chance she got (and when I travel).

However, I understand my fiance's point and that the motherly instinct would likely eat at her.

Meh, enough rambling -- do any of you guys have a situation similar to this or have you gone through this in the past?

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

My completely uninformed comments:

You might think about working something out with the school. Maybe your wife could take one year off for the first year of the kids life? A semester here and there?

 

[AreaCode707]

Are you talking about keeping your at-home job and being dad or quitting your at home job and being dad? Kids are a full time or nearly full time job (depending on their ages) so if you're planning to just add them to your daily routine and still accomplish 40 hours of work at your home-based job, you're going to have a hard time.

 

[GundamF91]

It sounds like you're not talking about "stay at home dad", since those dads just stay home and don't bring home the bacon.

What are you doing as "work from home"? Some work is easier to work from home, while with kids (or pets), and other work is not very doable.

As a teacher, your wife probably doesn't bring home enough bacon if you stay at home and don't work.

 

[NFS4]

Originally posted by: AreaCode707
Are you talking about keeping your at-home job and being dad or quitting your at home job and being dad? Kids are a full time or nearly full time job (depending on their ages) so if you're planning to just add them to your daily routine and still accomplish 40 hours of work at your home-based job, you're going to have a hard time.

I'm talking about keeping my job.

My job involves staring at a screen for periods of time during the day -- mostly from 8 to noon then sporadically for the rest of the day.

And it's not like I would be without help if I needed it, so that's not really an issue.

 

[lxskllr]

Your plan is very feasible, but as others said, you won't be able to work full time unless your hours are *very* flexible. Your fiance will certainly miss out on some of the fun of watching the kids grow up, but why should she be exempt? Men have been getting dicked in that regard for a long time. If your work is flexible enough, your plan makes the most sense.

 

[ponyo]

She's telling you she wants to quit her job and stay home while you bring home the bacon.

 

[NFS4]

Originally posted by: lxskllr
Your plan is very feasible, but as others said, you won't be able to work full time unless your hours are *very* flexible. Your fiance will certainly miss out on some of the fun of watching the kids grow up, but why should she be exempt? Men have been getting dicked in that regard for a long time. If your work is flexible enough, your plan makes the most sense.

That's what I'm thinking about. Sure, I would still be able to "sit in on the experience" if my soon-to-be wife were to stay at home, but I don't see the point of us BOTH being at home -- one of us not making a damn bit of money 😉

But I'm just hypothesizing here -- this is still probably three years out. I just wanted to get some opinions from dad's who are in similar situations.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: NFS4

Originally posted by: AreaCode707
Are you talking about keeping your at-home job and being dad or quitting your at home job and being dad? Kids are a full time or nearly full time job (depending on their ages) so if you're planning to just add them to your daily routine and still accomplish 40 hours of work at your home-based job, you're going to have a hard time.

I'm talking about keeping my job.

My job involves staring at a screen for periods of time during the day -- mostly from 8 to noon then sporadically for the rest of the day.

And it's not like I would be without help if I needed it, so that's not really an issue.

If you've got help and you can designate child-free times where you're fully focused on work then you can probably pull it off. If you're by yourself and you have a cranky kid that won't let you put him down without screaming his head off, you can blow nearly a day of work right there.

 

[GundamF91]

Could she do the same thing as you do while at home? That way both of you could stay at home, and raise the kids together, and allow you to keep doing work from home, and she could help too.

The other thing is also who has more earnings potential. You always want to consider if there's enough bacon....especially if you have more than 1 kid. 🙂

 

[NFS4]

Originally posted by: GundamF91
Could she do the same thing as you do while at home? That way both of you could stay at home, and raise the kids together, and allow you to keep doing work from home, and she could help too.

The other thing is also who has more earnings potential. You always want to consider if there's enough bacon....especially if you have more than 1 kid. 🙂

She's a teacher -- I don't think she could teach from home 🙂

 

[dbk]

Originally posted by: Naustica
She's telling you she wants to quit her job and stay home while you bring home the bacon.

^
What's the prospect of you finding a different job that will pay you enough to support your wife and kid?

 

[NFS4]

Originally posted by: dbk

Originally posted by: Naustica
She's telling you she wants to quit her job and stay home while you bring home the bacon.

^
What's the prospect of you finding a different job that will pay you enough to support your wife and kid?

Oh sure, I could always do that. But my plan would allow her to keep her seniority as a teacher. And if we plan it out right, we could have a kid right at the end of the school year so that she could have the first three months to go buck-wild with the kid, then turn over the duties to me.

This gives her the opportunity to continue teaching, doing what she loves, and letting me work and take care of the kid.

But again, this is just me talking in hypotheticals 🙂

 

[dbk]

Originally posted by: NFS4

Originally posted by: dbk

Originally posted by: Naustica
She's telling you she wants to quit her job and stay home while you bring home the bacon.

^
What's the prospect of you finding a different job that will pay you enough to support your wife and kid?

Oh sure, I could always do that. But my plan would allow her to keep her seniority as a teacher. And if we plan it out right, we could have a kid right at the end of the school year so that she could have the first three months to go buck-wild with the kid, then turn over the duties to me.

This gives her the opportunity to continue teaching, doing what she loves, and letting me work and take care of the kid.

But again, this is just me talking in hypotheticals 🙂

That sounds like a viable plan, but as you mentioned - her motherly instincts might take over when she has to go back to teaching.

 

[Jumpem]

I think both parents should work. It allows a better standard of living, and much more financial stability.

 

[waggy]

this is something you both have to agree with. ME and my wife talked about it long before we got married or even thought about having kids. the plan was for her to stay home and take care of the kis (at the time i was working and makeing more then enough for us).

well time sand health matters changed that. When my wife got pregnant she found she really hated staying home. She did not want to do it. So we decided with my health getting worse and i had just quit a job. She went back to work until i got better and found a job that was closer and less stress (lol that didnt happen).

S i am a stay at home father. also we found i am actually a damn good parent and can handle staying home.

 

[lxskllr]

Originally posted by: Jumpem
I think both parents should work. It allows a better standard of living, and much more financial stability.

1 parent should stay home. Just because it's common for 2 parents to work out of the house doesn't make it right.

 

[vi edit]

Try spending a couple days all by yourself with an infant or a 2 year old and revisit the idea.

It's not for everyone.

 

[Jumpem]

Originally posted by: lxskllr
1 parent should stay home. Just because it's common for 2 parents to work out of the house doesn't make it right.

We wouldn't even be able to pay the pay the bills if I was the only one working. Let alone purchase anything new or save.

My son will have a much better life with us both working than without.

 

[NFS4]

Originally posted by: Jumpem

Originally posted by: lxskllr
1 parent should stay home. Just because it's common for 2 parents to work out of the house doesn't make it right.

We wouldn't even be able to pay the pay the bills if I was the only one working. Let alone purchase anything new or save.

My son will have a much better life with us both working than without.

**Runs before everyone jumps in and says that you shouldn't have had a kid if you can't afford to go down to one income or pay the bills**

:laugh:

 

[shadow9d9]

You won't be able to work if you stay with the child, period.

I'm 27, work at home, wife is a teacher. We have a 15 month old. You simply cannot work if you take care of the child. It is not doable.

She stays at home and watches him. I work and help out on the side.

We saved ahead of time and now we are augmenting my pay with the savings.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: GundamF91
It sounds like you're not talking about "stay at home dad", since those dads just stay home and don't bring home the bacon.

What are you doing as "work from home"? Some work is easier to work from home, while with kids (or pets), and other work is not very doable.

As a teacher, your wife probably doesn't bring home enough bacon if you stay at home and don't work.

Maybe. But she probably has better benefits then the OP. And teachers seem to have good job security compared to most fields.

 

[lxskllr]

If you /have/ to work, that's a different story. Many people are are selfish, and put themselves before their kids. Kids will always do best with a parent close.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: lxskllr

Originally posted by: Jumpem
I think both parents should work. It allows a better standard of living, and much more financial stability.

1 parent should stay home. Just because it's common for 2 parents to work out of the house doesn't make it right.

yeap. its been proven again and again that children do better to have a parent home. But many wish to have the "standard of living" they see on tv and think thats what they need.

Originally posted by: vi edit
Try spending a couple days all by yourself with an infant or a 2 year old and revisit the idea.

It's not for everyone.

best advice yet. it is NOT for everone. my wife thought for sure she would be able to handle staying at home. I never thought i would be able to. i been working since i was 13 and working a LOT. So i didnt think i would be able to go from 50+ hours a week work to being at home all day.

 

[Jumpem]

Originally posted by: NFS4
**Runs before everyone jumps in and says that you shouldn't have had a kid if you can't afford to go down to one income or pay the bills**

:laugh:

Our monthly expenses run $3400/month. I would just be able to cover that.