Any bible experts here ?

[3chordcharlie]

Originally posted by: Blain
It seems your stories have become mixed.
Genesis 38:6-10...
"6. And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
7. And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.
8. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
9. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
10. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

By "spilling" his "seed" on the ground Onan was avoiding the responsibility he had to his late brother. He used his brother's wife as his own, but would not bring children up in his brother's name.

So based on this interpretation, masturbating causes no tears in heaven, as long as it doesn't involve my sister-in-law? (not that I have one)

 

[Doomer]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Doomer

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
What about a sock? For God's sake man, does it mention a sock?

Did they have socks back then ?

:laugh:

Whew! I'm home free. Heaven, here I come. No pun intended. Or was it?

LMAO

 

[Blain]

I was just trying to set the "spilling" issue in correct context for Doomer.

 

[jagec]

Originally posted by: 3chordcharlie
So based on this interpretation, masturbating causes no tears in heaven, as long as it doesn't involve my sister-in-law? (not that I have one)

The Bible doesn't really mention it, if that's what you mean.

Then again, the Bible doesn't mention pirating software either...

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: Fausto
This should be good...

/lawn chair

/beers

/popcorn

/applies sunscreen


Have at it, guys. 🙂

I wanted to apply your sunscreen. 🙁

You'll have to clear that with MrsFausto. 😉

Heck, she offered to do the cleanup. 🙂

Okey-doke...now we just need someone to hold the camera.....where's Pyonir? 😀

I feel like a 3rd wheel here. What can I do?

Fluff the midgets?

Gee Whiz Fausto! Why do I always get stuck fluffing midgets, while you guys get to have all the fun?

Look, you have to work your way up the food chain here. Orsorum used to be a midget fluffer, and now look where he is. Pay your dues and I promise I'll take care of you. 🙂

I guess. It's only a 19,000+ post difference. I don't know if I have that in me. At least I have my Pyonir. :heart:

You keep complaining and I'll demote you to Assistant Midget Fluffer Fluffer. :frown:

You would give my Midget Fluffer position to that POS Beau wouldn't you? You have been dying to have him fluff your midgets for years!
Well let me tell you something, I worked my ass off fluffing midgets for Fausto Inc.
I've worked my way up from my starting job as the Lube Applier. I can still smell the KY.
I'll fluff your midgets, oh yes. And one day, I'll be just like Orsorum, minus the herpes and the hernia.

 

[Fausto]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: Fausto
This should be good...

/lawn chair

/beers

/popcorn

/applies sunscreen


Have at it, guys. 🙂

I wanted to apply your sunscreen. 🙁

You'll have to clear that with MrsFausto. 😉

Heck, she offered to do the cleanup. 🙂

Okey-doke...now we just need someone to hold the camera.....where's Pyonir? 😀

I feel like a 3rd wheel here. What can I do?

Fluff the midgets?

Gee Whiz Fausto! Why do I always get stuck fluffing midgets, while you guys get to have all the fun?

Look, you have to work your way up the food chain here. Orsorum used to be a midget fluffer, and now look where he is. Pay your dues and I promise I'll take care of you. 🙂

I guess. It's only a 19,000+ post difference. I don't know if I have that in me. At least I have my Pyonir. :heart:

You keep complaining and I'll demote you to Assistant Midget Fluffer Fluffer. :frown:

You would give my Midget Fluffer position to that POS Beau wouldn't you? You have been dying to have him fluff your midgets for years!
Well let me tell you something, I worked my ass off fluffing midgets for Fausto Inc.
I've worked my way up from my starting job as the Lube Applier. I can still smell the KY.
I'll fluff your midgets, oh yes. And one day, I'll be just like Orsorum, minus the herpes and the hernia.

LMAO...well, I think that pretty much settles things. 😛

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: Fausto
This should be good...

/lawn chair

/beers

/popcorn

/applies sunscreen


Have at it, guys. 🙂

I wanted to apply your sunscreen. 🙁

You'll have to clear that with MrsFausto. 😉

Heck, she offered to do the cleanup. 🙂

Okey-doke...now we just need someone to hold the camera.....where's Pyonir? 😀

I feel like a 3rd wheel here. What can I do?

Fluff the midgets?

Gee Whiz Fausto! Why do I always get stuck fluffing midgets, while you guys get to have all the fun?

Look, you have to work your way up the food chain here. Orsorum used to be a midget fluffer, and now look where he is. Pay your dues and I promise I'll take care of you. 🙂

I guess. It's only a 19,000+ post difference. I don't know if I have that in me. At least I have my Pyonir. :heart:

You keep complaining and I'll demote you to Assistant Midget Fluffer Fluffer. :frown:

You would give my Midget Fluffer position to that POS Beau wouldn't you? You have been dying to have him fluff your midgets for years!
Well let me tell you something, I worked my ass off fluffing midgets for Fausto Inc.
I've worked my way up from my starting job as the Lube Applier. I can still smell the KY.
I'll fluff your midgets, oh yes. And one day, I'll be just like Orsorum, minus the herpes and the hernia.

LMAO...well, I think that pretty much settles things. 😛

Indeed. I like people :heart: who know where they want to be.

 

[ScoobMaster]

Originally posted by: 3chordcharlie
I would not spill it on a rock
I could not, would not, in a sock
I could not do that to my c0ck
I choose the whore around the block!

🙂

Thanks, Charlie!!!!

No how in the heck am I supposed to read Green Eggs and Ham to my 3 year old son tonight (one of his favorite bedtime books) and not burst out laughing???!!!!

 

[3chordcharlie]

Originally posted by: ScoobMaster

Originally posted by: 3chordcharlie
I would not spill it on a rock
I could not, would not, in a sock
I could not do that to my c0ck
I choose the whore around the block!

🙂

Thanks, Charlie!!!!

No how in the heck am I supposed to read Green Eggs and Ham to my 3 year old son tonight (one of his favorite bedtime books) and not burst out laughing???!!!!

I'm not sure... let us know how it goes?

 

[DivideBYZero]

This is great! Two threads in one.

On one hand we have a guy being killed for pulling out of his dead brothers wife and spraying his mess on the floor, then we have the Midget fluffers convention.

/settles back to watch the melee

 

[pyonir]

Whose fluffing me!?!?!? :|:|:|

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: Fausto
This should be good...

/lawn chair

/beers

/popcorn

/applies sunscreen


Have at it, guys. 🙂

I wanted to apply your sunscreen. 🙁

You'll have to clear that with MrsFausto. 😉

Heck, she offered to do the cleanup. 🙂

Okey-doke...now we just need someone to hold the camera.....where's Pyonir? 😀

I will host the evidence on my site 😉

Ausm

 

[classy]

OMG, LMAO, LOL, Hilarious you are greatest comedian

























































NOT, moron 😛

 

[kage69]

What about a sock? For God's sake man, does it mention a sock?

..And Jehovah said unto Abraham, payeth the shrew no mind, and screweth the sleeve of thine favorite tunic.

 

[TitanDiddly]

Originally posted by: 3chordcharlie

Originally posted by: Blain
It seems your stories have become mixed.
Genesis 38:6-10...
"6. And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
7. And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.
8. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
9. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
10. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

By "spilling" his "seed" on the ground Onan was avoiding the responsibility he had to his late brother. He used his brother's wife as his own, but would not bring children up in his brother's name.

So based on this interpretation, masturbating causes no tears in heaven, as long as it doesn't involve my sister-in-law? (not that I have one)

The Bible does say no to lust, which you're pretty much guaranteed to be doing if you're wanking it.

 

[Vic]

Originally posted by: Doomer
I heard that the Bible has this to say about masturbation :

"It is better to put it in a whore than to spill it on a rock."

Anybody know if this is actually in the Bible abd if so, where ?

Thanks

That's not in the Bible.

The passage from the Bible frequently used as a condemnation against masturbation is Genesis 38:8-10, but that is a misinterpreatation because Onan's crime was not masturbation but that he would not fulfill his obligation to carry on his family's bloodline because of jealousy to his deceased brother.