Antisocial guilt

[Kaido]

It wasn't that at all. I this was the second attempt at the party to try to get someone to talk to or get to know people. The crowd was genuinely not interested in speaking to anyone they didn't know. The neighbors on my street were the same way...I think our next door neighbors ended up leaving 15 minutes before we did.

I think a big part of that is just anxiety. People are more comfortable talking to people they already know.

I see this a lot at work functions...clients will have get-togethers for their staff (well, pro-covid) and I'll know everyone because I'm the IT guy, but most people just kind of stay inside their workplace social groups because that's who they know & why they're comfortable with. So I'd say your experience isn't so much from global maliciousness, as much as just people having mild social anxiety.

Either that or you live in the 'burbs lol

 

[Kaido]

I'm personally not a fan of these types of party events myself. I don't mind hanging out with a few friends for coffee or what not but when there's tons of people, especially when I don't even know most of them, not my thing.

I got invited to this camping event by a random person on FB, it's out of town. I don't know a single person there. No thanks.

Heck even when my church has a pot luck, I don't really like going unless I'm with someone. Even though I know most of the people there I just feel awkward if I'm not with someone else to sit with. There are so many times I've been invited by my mom or sister to go with them only to find out they are working the kitchen that night and I'm alone at my section of the table... I always make sure to ask now because been caught like that too many times.

Yeah I think that's really more the issue...you're there to relax, get some food, chat with friends, so if you don't know someone, you don't have that rapport with them, so now there's a "new person" barrier. Most people have at least a little bit of social anxiety, so if you're not already friends, there's an extra layer to work through there.

 

[Fritzo]

Let me pivot the conversation - why would anyone really want to go to any "pitch-in" style event? I avoid those things at all costs and always have - you never know the disgusting conditions some people live in.

Seriously though, I never go to any of the neighborhood events - I really don't know my neighbors and don't see the point of going. I wouldn't let them shame you either - if they point to you specifically, just respond with "we're not attending" and be done with it. You don't owe them even that much of an explanation, but it might shut them up.

We live in a pretty hoity toity neighborhood. Once we went on vacation for 11 days and some neighbor called the city council because our grass was getting too long- people are that uptight, so I'm sure anything people bring will be prepared to perfection.

 

[Fritzo]

I'm personally not a fan of these types of party events myself. I don't mind hanging out with a few friends for coffee or what not but when there's tons of people, especially when I don't even know most of them, not my thing.

I got invited to this camping event by a random person on FB, it's out of town. I don't know a single person there. No thanks.

Heck even when my church has a pot luck, I don't really like going unless I'm with someone. Even though I know most of the people there I just feel awkward if I'm not with someone else to sit with. There are so many times I've been invited by my mom or sister to go with them only to find out they are working the kitchen that night and I'm alone at my section of the table... I always make sure to ask now because been caught like that too many times.

Camping trip with random people...that's a Saw movie script in progress there

 

[Fritzo]

Dang, they rent a Porta-potty? I grew up in the wrong neighborhoods...

There's a 50 ft slip n slide, bounce houses, ponys....crazy.

 

[Muse]

I'm just not good with friends.

Every time I make a friend it ends up being more work for me because they're always needing something. My wife's husbands are pseudo-friends, and every week even they're calling "Can you fix my laptop? Can you fix my car? Can you look at my light switch? Can you fix my hot tub? Can you get my lawnmower going? Can you recommend a TV? Can you get my tablet to stop locking up? Can you install my security cameras?..." I work 9-10 hours a day, come home and have to maintain the yard/house, am working to get my daughter's business off the ground by doing improvements, and try to sneak in hour or two shopping trips with the wife once in a while...I honestly have no idea how people have time for friends. I've had maybe 4 good friends in my entire life- 1 died, 1 moved, and 2 became "I only call when I need something...every other day..." people that I lost contact with.

This might be why I'm asocial---everyone I meet is a leech.

So yeah...if I ask any of those questions above, people will learn I can do things and suddenly I'll be involved. No thanks.

I think you're fine. Logically, you don't have time to schmooze and fool around. You sure shouldn't feel guilty. As far as friends go, there's different perspectives and everyone's different (and the same). I have this one pinned to my fridge:

Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none. - Benjamin Franklin

Of course, Ben was a diplomat and a businessman, so he had his personal perspective on relations with others. But he was a pretty wise (and successful) person.

I figure the friend should be your wife! Oh, yeah. People who are "best friends" with their spouses seem to be the happiest, I've noticed. From Ben's perspective, just one "friend."

 

[Kaido]

There's a 50 ft slip n slide, bounce houses, ponys....crazy.

Wait an actual PONY? Like a live animal? Like they always joke about in after-school sitcoms?!

 

[Torn Mind]

Wait an actual PONY? Like a live animal? Like they always joke about in after-school sitcoms?!

I swear this must be some outskirt of New York or some Cali city. HOA dues of $300-400 a month......

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Find a group that caters to an actual interest: Playing poker, drinking excessively, like to do woodwork and DIY projects, etc...

People are far more sociable when it's a common interest - it's a way to relate and put people into tribes. Simply having people that live near you isn't always relatable. I live in a neighborhood with tons of housewives that pump out kids all day. My wife who works - has a hard time relating to that.

Someone in our neighborhood made a facebook group for just men of the neighborhood, and they had a few meetups where basically everyone brought some beers and hung out. I found a few folks that were my age - and more in my line of tech/IT work with stuff to discuss like coding. Also found others that love good beer.

Alcohol is a very crucial social lubricant for the majority of people. If you just walk around sober and can't establish any kind of in-depth conversation - then you're just going to be bored and leave due to awkwardness.


I guess my point being: Humans are tribal. Find a tribe with something you can relate to.

 

[BudAshes]

I for one would love to have Fritzo at any BBQ I hosted

 

[Fritzo]

Wait an actual PONY? Like a live animal? Like they always joke about in after-school sitcoms?!

Like 4 of those miniature ponies. They had a petting zoo one year.

 

[Fritzo]

I swear this must be some outskirt of New York or some Cali city. HOA dues of $300-400 a month......

NW Ohio actually. Interesting fact: across the street from me is the custom built mansion built by Tom Scholz- guitarist of the band Boston. He built it for his parents and it's this crazy cylindrical castle thing.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

We live in a pretty hoity toity neighborhood. Once we went on vacation for 11 days and some neighbor called the city council because our grass was getting too long- people are that uptight, so I'm sure anything people bring will be prepared to perfection.

I do too, but I wouldn't rely on someone being upper class to mean that they don't have disgusting personal habits. Back when I worked in an office, I also always declined participating on those forced socialization pitch-in events and if I was guilted into it, I was the cup/plate/potato chips guy and wouldn't eat the other food unless it was from a close friend I trusted.

I seriously don't get the need some people have for socialization with almost complete strangers, especially if they were rude to you like that.

 

[Perknose]

I got invited to this camping event by a random person on FB, it's out of town. I don't know a single person there. No thanks.

Don't go! Nobody really likes the freeze-dried stuff, and packing in food is a burden. They only invited you so they can kill you and eat you later.

 

[VirtualLarry]

My wife's husbands are pseudo-friends

???

Assuming that "friends" is the missing word.

 

[MrSquished]

Don't go! Nobody really likes the freeze-dried stuff, and packing in food is a burden. They only invited you so they can kill you and eat you later.

That reminds me of my first backpacking trip.

I always really wanted to try backpacking, so I bought all the gear some years back and literally had nobody to go with. So I joined some backpacking Meetup.com groups and signed up for a nice beginner's backpacking trip in Pennsylvania. A 10 mile loop, one night backpacking trip, not much elevation gain. I drove the couple or so hours from Jersey out into PA and the weather forecast had said overcast with a little bit of rain so I figured fuck it. Anyways I'm in PA early in the morning in the middle of nowhere, it's dreary and drizzly and I'm about to meet a group of strangers and go out in the woods with them. As I'm getting closer to the meetup point I did start thinking this might be a bad idea but whatever, met up with what ended up to be about 5 or 6 people. All guys and one girl. Was a great introduction to backpacking at the end of the day. Ended up giving the girl a ride back to a bus park and ride in NJ to take to NYC. Ended up doing a couple more backpacking trips with that group, loads of fun. But like many Meetup groups, as the group leader goes the group goes, and they haven't really had a trip in a while, or they've been ones for more advanced hikers than myself.

Big social outings like a neighborhood party I would probably not like, but smaller ones around a shared interest are more fun.

Everyone on those trips had the freeze dried food too. Except one, we killed the short slow guy and ate him.

 

[Mai72]

nah. go to bed at 4pm. people suK.

 

[highland145]

We live in a pretty hoity toity neighborhood. Once we went on vacation for 11 days and some neighbor called the city council because our grass was getting too long- people are that uptight, so I'm sure anything people bring will be prepared to perfection.

We have 2 townhouses, both hoa but I haven't had any problems. Both need pressure washing, green on the siding. Call my guy in May, he's 4 months out. Cool, my jerb is done.

3 weeks ago, there is a house shaming flyer in the mailbox with a pic of my unit. All owners please clean your end units.... The same unit, same time, had the oak trimmed back because it was over the parking pad and too low, scratching the cars. Same flyer, don't trim the oaks....😀


Oh, my shitty email is written but not sent yet. Waiting on the next one. Up to $5k individual or $10k group offense for putting anything in a USPS mailbox. 😀😀

Yeah, asshole fits once you've pissed me off.

 

[Lost_in_the_HTTP]

Anti-socials don't live in subdivisions on lots.

We live in the country on acres, behind hedges and fences.

 

[Lost_in_the_HTTP]

Once we went on vacation for 11 days and some neighbor called the city council because our grass was getting too long-

One word.

Glyphosate.

 

[Fritzo]

We have 2 townhouses, both hoa but I haven't had any problems. Both need pressure washing, green on the siding. Call my guy in May, he's 4 months out. Cool, my jerb is done.

3 weeks ago, there is a house shaming flyer in the mailbox with a pic of my unit. All owners please clean your end units.... The same unit, same time, had the oak trimmed back because it was over the parking pad and too low, scratching the cars. Same flyer, don't trim the oaks....😀


Oh, my shitty email is written but not sent yet. Waiting on the next one. Up to $5k individual or $10k group offense for putting anything in a USPS mailbox. 😀😀

Yeah, asshole fits once you've pissed me off.

GITTEM!!!

I have a whole soap opera story of how we have a 200 house subdivision with 4 different HOA rules depending on the street you're on. Good times.

 

[Fritzo]

That reminds me of my first backpacking trip.

I always really wanted to try backpacking, so I bought all the gear some years back and literally had nobody to go with. So I joined some backpacking Meetup.com groups and signed up for a nice beginner's backpacking trip in Pennsylvania. A 10 mile loop, one night backpacking trip, not much elevation gain. I drove the couple or so hours from Jersey out into PA and the weather forecast had said overcast with a little bit of rain so I figured fuck it. Anyways I'm in PA early in the morning in the middle of nowhere, it's dreary and drizzly and I'm about to meet a group of strangers and go out in the woods with them. As I'm getting closer to the meetup point I did start thinking this might be a bad idea but whatever, met up with what ended up to be about 5 or 6 people. All guys and one girl. Was a great introduction to backpacking at the end of the day. Ended up giving the girl a ride back to a bus park and ride in NJ to take to NYC. Ended up doing a couple more backpacking trips with that group, loads of fun. But like many Meetup groups, as the group leader goes the group goes, and they haven't really had a trip in a while, or they've been ones for more advanced hikers than myself.

Big social outings like a neighborhood party I would probably not like, but smaller ones around a shared interest are more fun.

Everyone on those trips had the freeze dried food too. Except one, we killed the short slow guy and ate him.

How did you survive being eaten???

 

[Fritzo]

???

Assuming that "friends" is the missing word.

When you're married, the husband doesn't have friends. The wife's friend's husbands become your friends by some weird 13th century law or something.

 

[Fritzo]

I do too, but I wouldn't rely on someone being upper class to mean that they don't have disgusting personal habits. Back when I worked in an office, I also always declined participating on those forced socialization pitch-in events and if I was guilted into it, I was the cup/plate/potato chips guy and wouldn't eat the other food unless it was from a close friend I trusted.

I seriously don't get the need some people have for socialization with almost complete strangers, especially if they were rude to you like that.

My co-worker is the real-life incarnation of Loki, and his biggest claim to fame is being forced to bring a dish to the company potluck by an early prototype Karen. He filled a large plastic salad bowl with mayonnaise (he got one of those gallon jugs from Gordon Foods) and layered it with Nilla Wafers, then got a group of people together to watch the fun. He said about 18 people got a serving of it before anyone said anything...

 

[Fanatical Meat]

When you're married, the husband doesn't have friends. The wife's friend's husbands become your friends by some weird 13th century law or something.

WRONG