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anti marriage?
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Marriage is not about your short term satisfaction, nor it is easy in any way. It is about a long term relationship which bears children, and that in my opinion is the ultimate gift in life. Sure, wild sex orgies with lots of booze and other behavior of this type might be great, but is that what you call real happiness? Do you feel complete when you do that stuff?
Marriage will have its ups and downs, but when you're 70 and have a couple of your grandchildren hopping up and down the sofa and playing with you etc, that will tell you that you have accomplished something in life. In my opinion, the west takes marriage TOO LIGHTLY. We need to put more emphasis on a long term relationship. I'm starting to believe it is our culture and society that is one of the main reasons behind the decline in the success rate of marriage in this country and other western countries.
When you marry, you give away part of your life to the other person. Marriage is not about you, its about you and the person you marry. When the marriage becomes about you, then it will fail. Thats why the west is so behind the east when it comes to a long term relationship. Is everyone happy in a marriage in, lets say for example, India? No. But they continue to be married because they want a better future for their children and ARE NOT selfish like westerners are. They realize that in order to accomplish something in life, you must give up something. That is something we need to learn.
I am not married and don't plan on becoming married anytime soon. Too young for that, at least I hope 🙂. But I have heard these things from married couples and men and women much wiser than I.
Marriage will have its ups and downs, but when you're 70 and have a couple of your grandchildren hopping up and down the sofa and playing with you etc, that will tell you that you have accomplished something in life. In my opinion, the west takes marriage TOO LIGHTLY. We need to put more emphasis on a long term relationship. I'm starting to believe it is our culture and society that is one of the main reasons behind the decline in the success rate of marriage in this country and other western countries.
When you marry, you give away part of your life to the other person. Marriage is not about you, its about you and the person you marry. When the marriage becomes about you, then it will fail. Thats why the west is so behind the east when it comes to a long term relationship. Is everyone happy in a marriage in, lets say for example, India? No. But they continue to be married because they want a better future for their children and ARE NOT selfish like westerners are. They realize that in order to accomplish something in life, you must give up something. That is something we need to learn.
I am not married and don't plan on becoming married anytime soon. Too young for that, at least I hope 🙂. But I have heard these things from married couples and men and women much wiser than I.
AMDZen
Lifer
What is marriage?? I mean, if your not religious then marriage doesn't really mean anything any way. I just don't understand why you can't be with the women you love, celebrate it, and live together happily without a preist or judge making it legal and/or "right" by god. The fact is there is no reason to get married, its a tradition - and a pretty dumb one IMO. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a holiday where we celebrate our love, then take a nice honeymoon. But why can't you do that without the rest of the binding issues?
Law and love don't mix, and pre-nup's don't work.
Seriously, do your research on pre-nup's. First, they are all set for a limited time, normal is 10 years I think. After 10 years it becomes null. Pre-nups also only cover financial issues, assets and income. They don't cover who will have the kids and when/how much you'll get to see YOUR OWN KIDS. Take that, coupled with the fact that courts and judge's are always biased toward the female's POV, at least from those that I've talked to - and the fact that most women won't sign a pre-nup any way, and what are you left with? I've even read about cases that the pre-nup was thrown out, dismissed and made null because women have all the power in court. Every women I've ever known argues about even signing one, saying that they would never hurt their husband. And every guy I've talked to wants one any way. So what happens then?? The guy caves because face it, the women have the power of the pvssy, 3 years later, she cheats on him - but he can't prove it and she still gets half of everything, and custody of their only child. Which may or may not even be his any way.
Law and love don't mix, and pre-nup's don't work.
Seriously, do your research on pre-nup's. First, they are all set for a limited time, normal is 10 years I think. After 10 years it becomes null. Pre-nups also only cover financial issues, assets and income. They don't cover who will have the kids and when/how much you'll get to see YOUR OWN KIDS. Take that, coupled with the fact that courts and judge's are always biased toward the female's POV, at least from those that I've talked to - and the fact that most women won't sign a pre-nup any way, and what are you left with? I've even read about cases that the pre-nup was thrown out, dismissed and made null because women have all the power in court. Every women I've ever known argues about even signing one, saying that they would never hurt their husband. And every guy I've talked to wants one any way. So what happens then?? The guy caves because face it, the women have the power of the pvssy, 3 years later, she cheats on him - but he can't prove it and she still gets half of everything, and custody of their only child. Which may or may not even be his any way.
StageLeft
No Lifer
Pre-nups are stupid, in part because it goes in to the marriage distrusting. The realistic person knows that any marriage can disolve, but if you're going in with such a distaste for the person that if you do get divorced you're sure that they'll try and score some money out of you, you shouldn't get married. I have no doubt that if you took a poll of those who had and had not gotten prenups you'd see greater marriage satisfaction in those who didn't.
Re: marriage, it's a sign of commitment, and it's a tradition that has a lot of weight with people, as it has some inherent feelings of concreteness behind it. Plus, try going out with a girl for 10 years and see if you can avoid the pressure 🙂
Yep, it's best to never do anything without a backup clause 😉
This is the exact reason why men are shying away from marriage now. The court system is completely biased towards women. Men take it up the ass in a divorce. Have you heard the terms "cash-in" and "starter-marriage"? They're getting somewhat popular with young women (under 30) now.
Change things to be truly equal and perhaps you'll see more marriages and less divorces.
AMDZen
Lifer
I like this post a lot. This expresses exactly what I feel about it. Its America, this country is the reason why Divorces are becoming the absolute NORM. I read a stat earlier in the thread that said half of the marriages currently in this country end in divorce. I've heard that stat many times, and I've also heard higher numbers. I think 67% was one of the stats that sticks out from somewhere that I remember reading. Seems about right to me.
In all honesty, my "hesitation" toward marriage comes from stats, and from people that I know personally. I have yet to see a marriage work other then my own parents and others in my family, and the only reason their marriage has lasted the 25+ years that it has is sacrifice. They have had ups and downs, some of which may have drove lesser people (IMO) to divorce. And I completely agree with your opinion that its selfish. Making the child's life more difficult just for your own happiness. Can't some of these parents wait until the kid is old enough to handle such a change? Thats what is wrong with America, the parenting and the fact that parents just don't care.
Also, my older brother got married and had a kid. He got screwed over in court so bad that he's still in debt to this day, his kid is 15 yo. He now finally gets to see him on a regular basis. He also has another long term g/f that he has lived with now for probably 3-4 years, and he is still afaid to marry her. I don't blame him in the slightest. And whats worse is whenever I'm around her, she is constantly bothering my brother that he hasn't asked her to marry her. What a b!tch she is for doing that. And all women are like that, without a single exception. The guy has been through hell with one marriage, you claim you love him and want to marry him, and yet you can't get past the stupid term that is "marriage". Because thats all it is. If they're living together happily and everything is fine, why not leave it at that?? Because the women are selfish, marriage is a fiasco too - one which thousands of dollars are spent. And its done mostly because the women has it in her mind that its the best thing that could ever happen. Who in their right mind would pay $1000 for flowers for one day. And probably more for most people. The average wedding costs between 15-20k$ that is too much. WAY to much if you ask me. I just don't understand it, on so many levels.
Then again, I'm only 24 and I just bought my first house 7 or so months ago. I have a steady job, and I don't even have a gf. Yet I'm happy. Was I to meet the right girl, sure things might be different. But now that I own my own house, and pretty much just stay home - I have no idea where I would meet a girl that I could visualize myself spending the rest of my life with. I thought I met that girl once, but once we broke up - I realized I was wrong any way, not just because we broke up, but because I was just too blind to see what was right in front of me until I was away from it. The same thing happens in marriage, your lust blind's you to some of the things that may make you realize things later. I just know too many women who say "I would never want a divorce" and yet I've seen 5 divorces just with friends of mine. Once again, I'm just 24. Sad.
EDIT - I just want to add. Some of the people on this board are older, so I just want to say that marriage this day and age isn't what it used to be. And it was different for you. Sure, for some people it is, but I think its less then half - meaning I think less then half of the younger people who are married on this board, will still be married to that person in say 10-20 years. Thats not just from the stat, its what I see around me. Its sad, but people see divorce as just another thing, like marriage was. The old fashioned values that I liked in raildogg's post above, are gone. Not completely mind you, but yes they are gone. Most people will never think twice, they are unhappy in some way - divorce. Simple as that, and yes it is sad.
with the current attitudes and divorce rate, id say a lot of people, apparently.
too many people get married before they are really ready. if youre not ready, there isnt a right one. a lot of people get married just because of love alone, not considering all the other aspects involved. marriage is more than just an emotional decision. its one that should be made with honesty, maturity, common sense, and logic.
for example: a lot of people get married honestly believing their spouse would never cheat on them. its foolish to think something will never happen. people are human, and its possible some where along the line one of the two will commint some type of mistake. how would you deal with that? what circumstances would you be willing to forgive, or end it? do you really think you could go on, even if you still loved them?
or what about finances? what would you do if they spent xxxx amount of dollars behind your back when you need that money for bills, or an upcoming vacation?
no one can ever say for sure what may happen, but its something you have to be honest with yourself when making a decision on marriage.
but im rambling. im sure you know these things already.
it just seems obvious that too many people are entering marriage when its not the right person and/or decision. otherwise, the divorce rate wouldnt be so high. i dont see how thats the dumbest thing ever. not the most well thought out or written, for sure. but the dumbest? its atot, please throw me some crumbs of credit.
Phoenix86
Lifer
AMDZen
Don't let stats rule your life. It's not about what other's can do, it's about what YOU can do. Are you trying to be mediocre/below average? Shoot for the moon.
I'm 29 and have been married for 7 years. Marriage is what you make of it, not what others think it is/should be.
Don't let stats rule your life. It's not about what other's can do, it's about what YOU can do. Are you trying to be mediocre/below average? Shoot for the moon.
I'm 29 and have been married for 7 years. Marriage is what you make of it, not what others think it is/should be.
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
I had a bad marriage that turned into a horrific divorce.I can remember being so broke at times that I rolled pennies to buy milk for my kids.Child support orders only help when a man chooses to abide by them after all.I got "everything" in the divorce, unfortunately all that "everything" included was 100 % of the practical and fiscal responsibility for 3 kids. Men may take hosings in a lot of cases but I know more women who ended up in my position than I do women who "cashed in " on their "starter marriages" Cause the reality is that 2 homes post-divorce cannot be run on the incomes that barely supported one pre-divorce.
All that said,I dunno, for me marriage is all about having hope,you know hope,that foolish thing that provides a base for dreams and ambitions.I've been fortunate enough to find somebody who really loves me,somebody who thinks I'm smart and who appreciates the kind of person I am.Hope for the future lives inside me again and I am confident that my new marriage will be a wonderful thing,I have a great guy 🙂
All that said,I dunno, for me marriage is all about having hope,you know hope,that foolish thing that provides a base for dreams and ambitions.I've been fortunate enough to find somebody who really loves me,somebody who thinks I'm smart and who appreciates the kind of person I am.Hope for the future lives inside me again and I am confident that my new marriage will be a wonderful thing,I have a great guy 🙂
UselessInfo
Member
Oh man, the secret's out. I love foreign women for the exact same reasons.
I consider myself well traveled for my age having been to 6 different countries, and dozens of cities in those countries. Yes, even meeting women for STR on these excursions.
It's not as easy as the site says though. No matter where you go, there are a lot of greedy bitches out there that's only after a green card and your money. Then again, I've met plenty of people that don't want to leave their country. Family ties are usually very strong.
Marriage is an outdated institution. Why do you have to go down the isle or appear in front of a judge to have a life partner? If someone really wants to be with you for life, why not just live together without having to bring legality into the process? Just for tax breaks? Hell, I'll settle for paying extra in taxes if it means not bending over in divorce court in the future.
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