Another Thread About Women(aka Rambling Story)

[Gaul]

*Disclaimer*
This message is very long and goes into detail about my recent personal experiences. If you are easily bored by such stories, please read no further.
*End Disclaimer*

Yes, this is another topic about a poor sap who can't seem to ever get things right. Well let's start this story at the beginning. Last weekend I went on a Rock Climbing trip southwest of Austin, TX. Three friends accompanied me on this trip, and one of the three also brought along a friend staying with her. Needless to say, I made my best efforts to get to know the new person as she seemed rather nice and most definitely attractive. We talked quite a bit on the trip and came to realize that we had plenty of things in common. The most important common trait seemed to be that we were both avid outdoors people and cross country runners(she currently runs, and I ran in high school). We also seemed to have similar intelligence levels as I go to a well-respected university in Texas and she's applying solely to similar tier Universities. Basically in my eyes she seemed "perfect." She also indicated interest in me by always making an effort to sit by me, generally acting rather comfortable around me, and making physical contact. Maybe I was deluding myself, but she seemed to be interested in me. By the end of trip, I basically had told myself that I would be a fool not to ask this girl out.

Let me say that I'm going to be sophomore in College next year, and I have yet to ask someone out. I've gone on several blind dates, double dates, formals; but I have never asked a girl out before, granted I hadn't found a girl that I REALLY wanted to ask out. I called her up the day after our return(maybe a mistake) and asked her out for a casual dinner Friday night. She said that she had to be out of town Friday, but that Thursday would work well. I said Thursday was fine with me, and that's how we left things.
For the whole week I can't seem to get her out of my head at all, but Thursday comes eventually.

I pull up to her house dressed nicely(but casually), only to find that she isn't ready. Thirty minutes later, she appears, apologizing for the time as she got back late from the gym. We hop in the car and head to the restauraunt(Boulevard Bistrot for any Houstonians here). We have a interesting discussion about College in the car, and when we sit down she immediately blurts out a question, "I'm going to be straightforward. Why did you ask me out?". I was sort of thrown off-balance by the question; but reply, "Why not? ... You're beautiful and smart-." She then interuppts saying, "I'm sorry if I made you nervous." I replied that she had not made me nervous. We started talking about many different though we mostly covered colleges, personal philosophy, and experiences. I did my best to make her laugh when appropiate, and I succeeded a couple times. She seemed to like the menu and food, and we actually picked the same entree at first(though I changed mine so we wouldn't be "so boring" as she put it). We arrived at the restaurant close to 8 and left close to 10, so we spent a good two hours talking. One thing she seemed to do throughout the dinner was to tap my leg with her foot, which seemed rather odd to me. The dinner ended up costing me a total of $65, with the majority attributed to her.

The vibes I recieved from the dinner were that I was below her if you know what I mean. She's definitely more verbally and socially adept than I, and most definitely more beautiful than I am handsome. The problem is that I went in with such confidence, and ended up coming out with a very bitter taste in my mouth. I feel like a total failure, and I don't know why I failed. But if I could have misread signals in the beginning, could I have misread signals in the end instead? I've said that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Almost any other man would be happy to have dinner with such a beautiful and smart woman. On the other hand I've told myself that I'm giving up on women. If they really want me they'll come after me. I won't make it easy for them. But then wouldn't I be just as bad as the women out there?

I know I probably shouldn't have written this long rambling and most likely boring message, but I had to vent a little somewhere. On the upside, she's coming climbing again this weekend. Maybe I should just ask her strait up, but questions like that appear to be so loaded. Oh well, thanks for listening to those who came this far.

-Gaul, Dazed and Confused in Houston

 

[steelthorn]

Have you ever thought about having a same sex relationship?

 

[KarsinTheHutt]

Gaul,
Err... What gave you those bad "vibes?" Seems to me like you did ok...
Besides, it could be worse. You could be a big slug like me (HAW HAW HAW! <Hutt laughter>

BTW, Steelthorn, very constructive <sarcasm>

 

[biohazard2]

well, now that you've seen the little games women play, what have you learned?
99% of women are like that, just get over this one, find yourself another one, and get on with your life. Any woman that thinks she's better than you, isn't, she's just not worth convincing otherwise.

 

[Yeeny]

I feel like a total failure, and I don't know why I failed.

Sounds to me like you need to have a little more faith in yourself. If even you do not know what you did wrong, then you probably did fine. And I would not ask her that question, women like men who are confident, not men who are going to always worry if they did something wrong. If she really is not interested, just pat yourself on the back for asking her out, and move on.

 

[Passions]

So how did the date end dude? Just goodbye? Did you make plans for hanging out again?

 

[Gaul]

steelthorn,
are you free next week?

Karsin,
Maybe bad vibes is the wrong word. But somehow I just felt I was being taking for a ride at a nice restaurauny by someone who absolutely no interest in me.

biohazard,
you're probably right, but at the age of 19 I finally find someone who I should ask out, and she seems to dismiss me the sweep of her hand. I admit the post is pretty pathetic

btw if anyone cares she's Brazilian/Russian/Italian. A rather nice combination if you ask me.

 

[Gaul]

Bobby Ribs,
in retrospect I should have asked her out again, but basically I just said that we'd hang out this weekend.

GirlFriday,
I agree. However, I would like to say that women do seem to have a knack for destroying confidence =)

 

[biohazard2]

that last post reminds me of one of my best friends. he had the same problem with girls. He finally found one that would stick with him, and now they're living together and engaged. Have faith in yourself, chase lots of women, and you'll find the right one.

 

[KarsinTheHutt]

An Idea just occured to me. Think of yourself as James Bond before you go out on a date. There's no one more confidant than 007! And Bond makes the girls nervous, not vice versa.

 

[Yeeny]

Gaul: Remember these wise words: Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Women (or men) cannot hurt you any more than you allow them too. Unfortunately, many of us seem to be a sucker for punishment.

 

[Gaul]

GirlFriday,

So true, but it's much easier said than done. In principal we completely control our own emotions and feelings, but in reality few possess such a great control over themselves. For example, after the date I was down, but I could have easily just have been happy with myself and the effort I put forth. That's something I tend to preach; however, preaching is much easier than following one's own preachings.

 

[Yeeny]

Oh believe me Gaul, I speak from experience also!

But I have learned to practice what I preach. (at least on this subject) Once you have been burned, eventually you learn to leave fire alone.

 

[OrByte]

Maybe it's because I am a male but.... I still don't see the problem. It sounds like you had a very stimulating night with an atractive girl. That in itself is something positive, no? If you came home from the date feeling down then what's the matter with you? Sure she is intelligent and attractive and you maybe felt a lttle bit out of your league but you had to have done something right in the first place or else you would have never been sitting across the dinner table from her(sorry..long sentence..hehe). Give yourself some credit, dating is supposed to be challenging and stimulating! women are fantastic! I'd say you did pretty good for your first date.

 

[OS]

I don't see a problem either, the only downers seem to be your &quot;bad vibes&quot; Maybe pyschologically you are thinking you aren't good enough for her so you are just trying to give yourself a reason to get out. I say if she's gonna hang with you again, thats a good sign

 

[JohnGalt]

be strong! Use the force. Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point

 

[reitz]

Forgive me, but I can't see the problem here. So what if you're a little intimidated, there must have been a reason she went out with you the first time. Call this girl up, and take her out again, soon! If you don't, you'll be posting a whiny thread in a couple of years about the amazing girl that got away.

 

[GroundOO]

Karsin, the man with a Liscence to Kill is always gettin his chicks killed probably why MonneyPenny is smart enough to keep her distance Seriously though, go for it, play the game, when she said &quot;Why did you ask me out?&quot; the best response I can think of would be &quot;Why did you say yes?&quot; its the equal and opposite. But like I said just go for it, go with it. She will most likely respect you not being intimidated.

Tally Ho!
Chris aka CygnusX1

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

She does sound a little spendy. Why not ask her out again, for a x-country run and dinner at Pizza Hut? Then see how it goes

 

[SufferinSuccotash]

See, the key is to start the relationship off by making clear where each of you stand. The first time I met my fiance (about 6 years ago), she had just gotten some bad highlights fixed and her hair was really dark, almost black. The first words I ever said to her were, &quot;What'd you do, dip your head into a barrel of pitch?&quot; From that moment, we knew we were meant for each other.

I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned from this, but I'll be damned if I know what it is.

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

Yep, the lesson is to be yourself, no matter how hideous or repulsive right up front, then no disappoints later

(The head dipped in pitch question sounds like a pretty good ice-breaker too )

 

[Midnight Rambler]

Gaul:

I'd say you did just about everything as &quot;right&quot; as humanly possible, except for you failed to follow up on this

<< One thing she seemed to do throughout the dinner was to tap my leg with her foot, which seemed rather odd to me. >>

Never ignore the overtures of a woman. It's a sure fire way to signal to them that you are not interested. A long, long time ago, I made a similar mistake. Not that I didn't take notice of her blatant overture (actually, it was an offer ) - no, I was trying to be a gentleman and not give her a raging case of the flu, but she took it wrong and thought I was not interested. In fact, I think she was even insulted. In hindsight, I shoulda given her the flu ...

 

[JMaster]

OMG LISTEN GAUL I HOPE YOU'RE READING THIS,
That is VERY common for girls to do. They first try to get your attention then act like they never did anything to make you interested in them. Then they act like they are so much better than you, just to make you like them more. It's a very common thing girls do, I'd say you have a very good chance w/her if you keep at it. I'm 100% sure.

 

[Gaul]

Well for those who care, I have an update on the situation that explains some things. I went on another climbing trip last weekend with her and a friend. On the drive out there it comes out that she just got a call from her old boyfriend a couple days before, and she felt that she needed to work things out with him. We start talking about the situation, and she says that they broke up formally about a month and a half ago after a 4 year relationship. Yes a 4 year relationship, and she's only 17, almost 18! This guy trys to get out talking with me, but she finally gets ahold of him. They talk for about an hour of which she probably spends about 30 minutes crying. Of course I try my best to comfort her, and she seems to compose herself. The next day she says she's ok. Basically, the former boyfriend comes off as maybe nice guy, but he definitely seems to possess some jacka** tendencies. So where does this leave me? Well it explains some things about the date, as it was her first date with anyone but her old boyfriend in 4 years. But, I'm proceeding very cautiously with the whole situation. She nows I'm crazy about her, and I'm pretty sure she realizes why I'm acting so slowly. I've been in this situation before, and frankly I think it sucks bigtime. I would have to say that being interested in a girl who's had a messy breakup recently is one of the hardest situations to be in. It's hard because you're not sure whether you're just going to be a nice guy that helps her through the situation or the nice guy that helps her through the situation and someone she's interested in. That last sentence could be worded a lot better, but I'm sure you get the point. Oh well I guess I have no choice but to give it my best effort, even though it's easy to walk away from a situation like this.

 

[yata]

Sh!t, Gaul, no kidding. That sucks bigtime.

Another true account of girls' disrespect for guys at that age.

Not worth it man. Pick yourself up, dust you pants, and move on.