Annoyed at Work

[JJChicken]

This is mostly a rant, but interested to hear in ATOT's experiences too.

I'm annoyed at work. I changed roles 1.5 years ago, and the annoyance is building up slowly since. The problem is my team is three women and myself. I'm the junior-most. My boss is female. She's pretty cool.

It's the other two co-workers that really irritate me. They keep playing the female card at work, and all the guys (my floor is male dominated) fall for it. That's okay, my team is a relationship-building team so it's fine to do that.

But the problem is that they play the female card against me subtly. If one co-worker gets a new jacket, the other one will go "OH, that's so amazing". And I'll be like "Yeah, it's pretty decent, how much did you get it for?". And then the chick who had the jacket gets hurt because she doesn't want to answer, and the other one playfully goes 'hey you should never ask those questions to a lady". Fuck that. I've been in the team for 1.5 years, get along well with everyone, they know I'm nice to them so I shouldn't have to do all these niceties just because they are female. It's a work environment.

The next day the chick wears a different jacket. And the co-worker goes again "this is amazing too". I'm like "yeah its not bad, but yesterdays was better. but that's compliment as to how good yesterday's was". Yet they say I gave them a "backhander" and insulted her. WTF man...

Then the other day, one of the chicks says she's going to dye her hair a bit. She's a blonde. So I go, you should dye it brunettes cause dark hair is really classy. They go "oh so I'm not classy???".

Thing is, they are just chicks. They are generally pretty nice, and we're kinda friends. But I'm getting sick of them pulling the female card.

It affects my work sometimes. I did some really good work for the head of the department once, and he goes "great work". This was when one of the chicks was on leave. So when she comes back, she sees the e-mail the head sent and goes to talk to him privately (without my involvement) to discuss how we can do a better job. The head comes over to our desk to discuss. But I get butted out of the conversation cause she keeps playing the female card, "how's your wife? are you treating her well", "that's a really nice shirt", etc. And I keep quiet because I know she has cried in the past on this piece of work because she got pressured...

The other thing that is bullshit is that all female go for private meetings between themselves (locking themselves in meeting rooms), but that's acceptable cause they got pussy. But it's bullshit. I'm part of the team too. It's rude to have private conversations without thinking what effect it will have on me....

Hate working with women I just want to focus on WORK. It sucks more cause all the guys suck up to them cause of pussy......

TLR
** Annoyed because co-workers abuse the "female card"
** Ranting
** Any comments?
** Not generalising, it's just these two women and I just want to get it off my chest. I have a lot of respect for women, no misogyny here

 

[gorcorps]

they're teasing you

tease them back

 

[rudeguy]

WTF is a "relationship building team"?

Also: you sound like you have no idea how to talk to people. Your problem isn't with your team, your problem is yourself.

 

[manimal]

which one of them is hot?

 

[JJChicken]

they're teasing you

tease them back

I know. I know they don't mean anything bad, but it's been 1.5 years of this so I'm kinda getting drained from it.

 

[manimal]

I know. I know they don't mean anything bad, but it's been 1.5 years of this so I'm kinda getting drained from it.

in all seriousness tell the one that you have the best repor with that you are having a hard time concentrating and that your vagina cant take any more BBC

 

[JJChicken]

WTF is a "relationship building team"?

Also: you sound like you have no idea how to talk to people. Your problem isn't with your team, your problem is yourself.

We basically connect people in the organisation and act as the middle-men (women) lol. Because everybody else aren't competent enough to work efficiently and effectively with others. Our role title is "Business Facilitation".

No, I do know how to talk to people. That's my job. But I feel its a waste of my energy having to tip-toe around my co-workers all day, when I should be spending my energies in building good relationships as part of my actual work.

I just want to do my job

 

[JJChicken]

which one of them is hot?

The blonde is decent. Double Ds and works out. She's like 10 years older than me though. But that's NOT the point!

 

[rudeguy]

We basically connect people in the organisation and act as the middle-men (women) lol. Because everybody else aren't competent enough to work efficiently and effectively with others. Our role title is "Business Facilitation".

No, I do know how to talk to people. That's my job. But I feel its a waste of my energy having to tip-toe around my co-workers all day, when I should be spending my energies in building good relationships as part of my actual work.

I just want to do my job

I agree 100%. There is only one possible way for this to happen: Worry about your job and not the hens. They are going to cluck, that is what hens do. Let them cluck while you work.

I refuse to get involved in workplace politics which is exactly what this is. Ignoring it and getting shit done was always worked out well for me.

 

[JJChicken]

It's like an overall comment. Just because they are chicks, they get treated so well. Because that's what you do lol (I remember in my old role I recruited a hot asian grad, I didn't get her to do any work all year ).

But imagine working with your wife, times that by 3 and doing it everyday from 9-7. And they don't have sex with you nor make you sandwhiches

 

[JJChicken]

I refuse to get involved in workplace politics which is exactly what this is. Ignoring it and getting shit done was always worked out well for me.

Yeah, I need to just spend a couple of weeks heads down doing my work so they realise I've got my own priorities. No more shoulder to cry on when they want to bitch/complain/gossip unproductively!

I guess I'm a Nazi employee...like Dwight in the Office!

 

[rudeguy]

It's like an overall comment. Just because they are chicks, they get treated so well. Because that's what you do lol (I remember in my old role I recruited a hot asian grad, I didn't get her to do any work all year ).

But imagine working with your wife, times that by 3 and doing it everyday from 9-7. And they don't have sex with you nor make you sandwhiches

My office is 80-20 women to men. My last job was more 95-5. I understand the culture.

The reason they are treated different is your bosses don't want to deal with the drama, so they give them extra padding. To be honest, right now it sounds like you are being a bit dramatic. Don't let the breastholders win!

Ignore it. Play along with it. Say fun things in your head every time one of them gets the princess treatment. But don't dwell man. Its not going to help.

 

[highland145]

The blonde is decent. Double Ds and works out. She's like 10 years older than me though. But that's NOT the point!

That is the only point. Nothing else matters.

 

[Uppsala9496]

It's like an overall comment. Just because they are chicks, they get treated so well. Because that's what you do lol (I remember in my old role I recruited a hot asian grad, I didn't get her to do any work all year ).

But imagine working with your wife, times that by 3 and doing it everyday from 9-7. And they don't have sex with you nor make you sandwhiches

I have you beat.

I do work with my wife. And the male to female ratio is a lot worse than what you are dealing with.
I am the SOLE non-management male in the entire company (well, the 5 offices that our Sr. VP is in charge of).
Yep, it's me and 50 other female employees. I'm sure there are some unfair hiring practices going on here since the male to female ratio is waaaay out of line.

 

[JJChicken]

My office is 80-20 women to men. My last job was more 95-5. I understand the culture.

The reason they are treated different is your bosses don't want to deal with the drama, so they give them extra padding. To be honest, right now it sounds like you are being a bit dramatic. Don't let the breastholders win!

Ignore it. Play along with it. Say fun things in your head every time one of them gets the princess treatment. But don't dwell man. Its not going to help.

Wise words. I just need to brush it off and focus on my work. Guess I'm just a bit stressed out this week lol.

Backstory to this week: Another chick (from our london team) comes to the office this week. We have lunch with her, but the blonde doesn't come because she doesn't want to miss out on her gym session.

Fast forward to 4pm and the blonde ducks out to the doctor's, but leaves her computer unlocked. So the london chick sends an e-mail from her computer to our boss along the lines of a confession that the blonde has a crush on me lol. I tell her (lightly) she shouldn't send it, but leave me out of it - I have zero involvement. But I was joking about it to her afterwards.

Anyways, the prank wasn't taken lightly. And the blonde is pissed at me cause I abused her trust in me :-/ She gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the afternoon. But has a private 1-on-1 with my other chick co-worker (not the london one). And I'm like let me know when you wanna talk yeah. No response...

Monday is going to be awkward.

Edit: This is a rant/destress thread. I know I'm not perfect at work lol. Just ranting

 

[JJChicken]

I have you beat.

I do work with my wife. And the male to female ratio is a lot worse than what you are dealing with.
I am the SOLE non-management male in the entire company (well, the 5 offices that our Sr. VP is in charge of).
Yep, it's me and 50 other female employees. I'm sure there are some unfair hiring practices going on here since the male to female ratio is waaaay out of line.

I feel for you. How are you still sane???!!!

 

[Uppsala9496]

Well, I am not really all that sane anymore.
I changed my hours a bit so I don't have to drive in with my wife (only a 10 minute drive but we would still manage to get pissed off at each other).

This is the second job where I have worked with my wife. We did it for 3.5 years before, then went to different companies and now for the past 2 years we have been working together.

It can be maddening. Fortunately, she is on the opposite side of the office and I don't do any work with her (technically she is at a separate company, but we are owned by the same parent entity).

 

[SearchMaster]

It sounds like you're not particularly good at small talk. Perhaps you should avoid it? I can see why there was some offense taken in all three of your examples, though there's no question that people (particularly females) can be oversensitive at times. This is why you should avoid the small talk...and in today's corporate environment, merely offending someone with an unintentionally insensitive comment is enough to get you canned.

Just to clarify:
In situation one, how about, "wow I really like that jacket? I might like to get that for my girlfriend, was it expensive?"

In situation two, "that is a really nice jacket too, but I will say that yesterday's was fantastic"

In situation three, frankly I wouldn't have said anything unless really pressed. That's one of those "better not to say anything" times.

 

[Uppsala9496]

It sounds like you're not particularly good at small talk. Perhaps you should avoid it? I can see why there was some offense taken in all three of your examples, though there's no question that people (particularly females) can be oversensitive at times. This is why you should avoid the small talk...and in today's corporate environment, merely offending someone with an unintentionally insensitive comment is enough to get you canned.

I've seen it happen.
Can you wear headphones at work? If so, start doing it. Then you won't get caught up in the BS and no one can say you harassed or made anyone feel uncomfortable.
"Hostile work environment" are the 3 words you need to be afraid of.

 

[JJChicken]

It sounds like you're not particularly good at small talk. Perhaps you should avoid it? I can see why there was some offense taken in all three of your examples, though there's no question that people (particularly females) can be oversensitive at times. This is why you should avoid the small talk...and in today's corporate environment, merely offending someone with an unintentionally insensitive comment is enough to get you canned.

Well it's sorta like I have to act like a chick in small talk to make it work. Like "oh wow that's an amazing jacket, LOVE the checkered design, perfect compliment to your dress". I can do that, but a part of me dies inside everytime I do that.

The other alternative is to do some teasing/flirting back, but I'll be the first to admit I'm not the smoothest guy when it comes to women. I'm pretty sensitive so I try to avoid hurting people (so I'm a bit uptight when it comes to teasing), but like that's why I take offence with their teases.

 

[gorcorps]

The more you talk about this issue, the more I'm convinced you have some deep seeded sexist issues. Something as simple as you referring to absolutely everybody without a penis as "chicks" just highlights your issue.

This is all on you mate. Good luck

 

[JJChicken]

I've seen it happen.
Can you wear headphones at work? If so, start doing it. Then you won't get caught up in the BS and no one can say you harassed or made anyonbecause uncomfortable.
"Hostile work environment" are the 3 words you need to be afraid of.

I do sometimes. But it's not very useful. I have to talk to them or they say I'm anti social and creating a hostile work environment. Thing is, my boss complimented me alot in my last review because I made the team more social and together, so they will be like what happened to you, you used to be so sociable, but the reality is I'm tired of going out of my way to be the glue for the team.

 

[SearchMaster]

I can do that, but a part of me dies inside everytime I do that.

but I'll be the first to admit I'm not the smoothest guy when it comes to women.

There is probably a relationship there . I suspect if you get better at flirty, meaningless small talk at work, your ability to relate to women outside the workplace will improve.

 

[JJChicken]

The more you talk about this issue, the more I'm convinced you have some deep seeded sexist issues. Something as simple as you referring to absolutely everybody without a penis as "chicks" just highlights your issue.

This is all on you mate. Good luck

I use "chick" because I don't talk in the most educated manner, you can't draw conclusions from that. If I thank a guy, I'm always like thanks bro.

I wouldn't say I'm sexist. But I don't think gender roles have a place in the workplace. I'm ranting against that. And this IS a rant, I know a lot of the problem lies with me.

 

[JJChicken]

There is probably a relationship there . I suspect if you get better at flirty, meaningless small talk at work, your ability to relate to women outside the workplace will improve.

That's true, thanks for that, I should give it a shot. I AM perennially single, with heaps of close female friends. Dunno why, but I struggle being dominant and masculine in conversation...but maybe now it's time to practise thru work lol. Hopefully I don't get a sexual harassment case though :-/