And that's how the fight started...

[TastesLikeChicken]

I usually hate forwarded emails but this one actually has some funny:

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"

And then the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

--------------------------------------------------

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

And that's how.....

 

[Brigandier]

-3/10

 

[TastesLikeChicken]

-3/10

You replied in 3 minutes? C'mon, we all know you can't read that fast.

 

[dave_the_nerd]

I don't get it.

Most of those are just normal husband/wife jokes with "and that's how the fight started" tacked on after the punchline. Frankly, it detracts from the joke.

 

[Brigandier]

You replied in 3 minutes? C'mon, we all know you can't read that fast.

Yeah, but M$ Sam can.

 

[paulney]

Is the dwarf joke particularly unfunny, or am I missing the punchline?

 

[TastesLikeChicken]

I don't get it.

Most of those are just normal husband/wife jokes with "and that's how the fight started" tacked on after the punchline. Frankly, it detracts from the joke.

For anyone now married to their mother-in-law who also happens to be a dwarf, I apologize in advance. There was no intent to insult.

 

[TastesLikeChicken]

Is the dwarf joke particularly unfunny, or am I missing the punchline?

You are missing the punchline. Hint: "Snow White."

 

[Fenixgoon]

Is the dwarf joke particularly unfunny, or am I missing the punchline?

"i am NOT happy" - one of snow white's seven dwarves. as opposed to the mood "happy"

 

[paulney]

"i am NOT happy" - one of snow white's seven dwarves. as opposed to the mood "happy"

Ah! I never watched Snow White in English. Makes sense now. Thanks!

 

[John Connor]

What country doesn't have Disney movies?

 

[destrekor]

What country doesn't have Disney movies?

It appears he implied he HAD watched it, just not in English.

 

[natto fire]

What country doesn't have Disney movies?

Probably the ones that are better off? Although the antisemitism is kicking in kind of late here in America...

 

[Scotteq]

 

[bbgenderless]

lol stuff and things.

 

[Murloc]

the name of disney characters are all translated.

Dotto Brontolo Pisolo Mammolo Gongolo Eolo Cucciolo
Doc Grumpy Sleepy Bashful Happy Sneezy Dopey
it's a non-direct translation of the character with the ending modified to make them look like names (italian isn't as flexible as english so you can't really use "sneezy" as a name, there even isn't a word for sneezy, so they named him like the god of wind).

 

[ponyo]

I enjoyed it. Thanks for posting.

 

[Jeffg010]

Sounds like Bob Saget jokes which is not funny.

 

[twinrider1]

I thought all of them were pretty good. Millionaire and the Fishing Husband are my favorites.

 

[n7]

:thumbsup:

 

[soulcougher73]

The perfect eye sight one made me LOL at work.

 

[DrPizza]

2 made me laugh. The rest, meh.

But, "and that's how the fight started" was the worst part of all of those.

 

[SSSnail]

Those that can't laugh at these, what miserable existence you lead.

 

[Apple Of Sodom]

Unnecessary additions to jokes ruins them for me. There should be nothing after the punchline - that is why it is the punchline. It is the end. A HUGE pet peeve for these things is when jokes have additional information about incredulity or disbelief.

Story about timmy doing something at school
(Funny, presumably) punchline
...the teacher fainted...

It is unnecessary and adds nothing to the joke.

 

[Apple Of Sodom]

Example of a decent joke ruined by additions after the punchline. Googled "joke teacher fainted" and plenty came up.

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.
---
What does adding "the teacher fainted" have to do with the joke? It isn't funny. It adds nothing. Just like "and that's how the fight started."