And now, Deep Thoughts, with Jack Handy

[FrogDog]

"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."

"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad."

"A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

 

[Yeeny]

My personal favorite: My dad always said laughter is the best medicine. I guess thats why so many of us died of tuberculosis.

 

[konichiwa]

My fav:

I think whenever you're walking around,
you should always carry two sacks on your
shoulders. That way, if some guy asks
you for a hand, you can say "Sorry. Got
these sacks."

 

[FrogDog]

Another good one,

"Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes."

 

[HoopDogg]

What about the one where he was driving down the road as a kid w/ his head out the window and his head collided with the head of an oncoming dog? Forget the moral...

 

[prodigy]

Hahahahaah good stuff.

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

The prettiest sunset I've ever seen was on page 47 of the Book of Sunsets.

 

[Yeeny]

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

FrogDog: ROFL @ the shoe one!

 

[FrogDog]

"If you're ever on a rocket-ship to Mars, and you suspect your co-astronaut of being Dracula, the best thing to do is wait until you get to Mars and he steps out to collect rocks, then fly away. And when he calls you on the radio saying he isn't Dracula, don't go back, he is."

 

[perry]

A whole bunch of them here.


Like this:
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

 

[FrogDog]

One more before I go to bed.

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."