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And here's your COOKIE! (A Brutuskend JOKE)

B

Brutuskend

Lifer
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

 
my dad sent me this today:

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she
has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the
horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into
motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace,
but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror,
she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a
firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's
neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping
rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to
leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup,
and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves
as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As
her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments
away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby,
the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Thank God for heroes.
 
Originally posted by: MajesticMoose
my dad sent me this today:

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she
has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the
horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into
motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace,
but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror,
she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a
firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's
neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping
rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to
leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup,
and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves
as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As
her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments
away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby,
the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Thank God for heroes.
Click to expand...

😀
 
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