Ok here is the story. I met this girl last week and I started talking to her and stuff. I could tell she liked me and I was attracted to her as well. Anyways we started hanging out a little bit and it seemed to me that there was something that there was something that she was holding back from me. I discussed it with a friend and he said I was crazy. Anyways, as I was walking her home last night I noticed there was a messasge left on her doorway. I wasn't going to be nosy so I didn't read it. Instead, I looked over at her and she got a really embarassed look and said that is where I'm going tomorrow. Since, I didn't read it I had no idea what she was talking about so I automatically assumed she was going to a club with some other guy or something so I said what is it a club or something? She looked down at the ground and said no it is a jewish meeting something or other (called hillel). I could tell she was really embarassed and she asked if I was ok with the fact of her being jewish. At that point I was really shocked so I just said yeah because I was dazed. It wouldn't be a big deal if she was just a friend or something, but I think it would be close to impossible to have a long term relationship with someone who doesn't even believe in something that is that important to me. I mean think about it, on the off chance that our relationship lasted so far that we got married and had children I would most definately want to raise them in a christian household with christian ideals and holidays. Obviously, that would not go over real well with her. This is really tearing me apart because she is so cool and is really cute. I don't think conversion is a possibility either because today I just noticed that she is wearing two necklaces displaying jewish symbols. What would you guys do in my situation? Remember I really like this girl.
Anandtech Off Topic probably isn't the place for this, but I need some serious advice.
- Thread starter Mears
- Start date
what is your problem man? so she is jewish? whats your point?
if you like her so much she could be blue with purple dots and you should still persue her.
but thats my take on life, i dont give religion much thought. but its your life, dont let "faith" ruin a good thing.
dam()
if you like her so much she could be blue with purple dots and you should still persue her.
but thats my take on life, i dont give religion much thought. but its your life, dont let "faith" ruin a good thing.
dam()
Interfaith marriages generally don't work in the long-term, especially when children are brought into the relationsip. If both parties feel strongly about religion than it is a disaster. I have heard of some remedies like one child is Christian and the other Jewish but it takes a lot of work.
If your religion is a core value than better to walk away now no matter how intriguing she is at the moment.
Sorry
If your religion is a core value than better to walk away now no matter how intriguing she is at the moment.
Sorry
How old is this girl? If you both are 17, it is getting a little ahead of yourself to start worrying about how you're going to raise your kids.
If she's the right person for you, it won't matter if what religion she is. If you're the kind of person who bases how you feel on someone by what God they worship, then she may not be that right person. But you can't decide something like that on the basis of a couple of dates and a note on the door. Maybe she doesn't feel that strongly about her own religion, or maybe if you get into a deep relationship with her, you'll change your own mind about your religion.
Just give her a chance and don't rush things.
My one cent's worth.
If she's the right person for you, it won't matter if what religion she is. If you're the kind of person who bases how you feel on someone by what God they worship, then she may not be that right person. But you can't decide something like that on the basis of a couple of dates and a note on the door. Maybe she doesn't feel that strongly about her own religion, or maybe if you get into a deep relationship with her, you'll change your own mind about your religion.
Just give her a chance and don't rush things.
My one cent's worth.
Total Refected Power has the right idea. I know from experiance. In the beginning you'll feel like it's working out fine but after a few months something inside you will start to drive you crazy. Just try to think about things in the long run. Do you really, honestly think it will work out if you had kids? If neither of you were religious it could work out. But you two seem to have a decently strong faith in your respecting religions. That alone will destroy your relationship. I don't want to burst your bubble or anything but you should try to forget about her while you still can.
I'm inclined to side with wooosh love is fleeting enjoy the moment.
I do know a couple where he is Christian and she is Jewish. They totally respect each others religion and celebrate both Christian and Jewish Holidays. It takes work but they have both come to enjoy celebrating each others holidays.
I do know a couple where he is Christian and she is Jewish. They totally respect each others religion and celebrate both Christian and Jewish Holidays. It takes work but they have both come to enjoy celebrating each others holidays.
ChritonGirl: Not too many people go from Christianity to Judaism. Kind of a hard one to accept unless your religion doesn't matter. In that case I doubt he would have posted his concern.
I would dump her before it gets too deep. Everybody gets infatuated in the beginning until the rot sets in. The trick is not to have too many negatives up front, less chance to have it blow up in your face.
I would dump her before it gets too deep. Everybody gets infatuated in the beginning until the rot sets in. The trick is not to have too many negatives up front, less chance to have it blow up in your face.
Mears: You need to sit down and breathe, man. So far, as I understand it, you have been out a couple/few times with this girl, and you've figured out that you like her and vice versa. Your faith is important to you and so is hers apparently.
Aside from that, what do you know? I think you need to explore things a little further (make sure she's not a dominatrix or something, unless you like that sort of thing) and get to know her. If the relationship takes a serious turn, have a talk with her about religion. She probably shares your concerns, even more so because Judiasm places a larger emphasis on marrying within the faith.
Don't jump the gun and make any rash decisions before there's anything that needs to be decided. She may run off with someone tomorrow for all you know. If it's worth going long term with her, I think you'll probably find a solution to the interfaith "problem".
Aside from that, what do you know? I think you need to explore things a little further (make sure she's not a dominatrix or something, unless you like that sort of thing) and get to know her. If the relationship takes a serious turn, have a talk with her about religion. She probably shares your concerns, even more so because Judiasm places a larger emphasis on marrying within the faith.
Don't jump the gun and make any rash decisions before there's anything that needs to be decided. She may run off with someone tomorrow for all you know. If it's worth going long term with her, I think you'll probably find a solution to the interfaith "problem".
Her family, if raised like most Jews, don't believe that someone that is not born a Jew can be converted to Judism. Jews are very picky about their religion and most families would seriously object to her marrying anyone of another faith. This is something that you would need to ask her, so she can tell you how her Jewish family believes.
If her family doesn't believe that you can be converted (as she probably would not abandone her faith) then you are probably better off as friends. However, if her family says its ok then you need to analyze the possibility of still being friends because once emotions are involved it would be hard to tell her you couldn't marry her because of the conflict of how the kids would be raised. Her faith would probably not allow the kids to be a Jew as they are not "pure."
Just some items to consider.
If her family doesn't believe that you can be converted (as she probably would not abandone her faith) then you are probably better off as friends. However, if her family says its ok then you need to analyze the possibility of still being friends because once emotions are involved it would be hard to tell her you couldn't marry her because of the conflict of how the kids would be raised. Her faith would probably not allow the kids to be a Jew as they are not "pure."
Just some items to consider.
Jesus was a Jew, yes, but He wasn't "Jewish" if you can understand that. He taught that the Jewish rituals didn't get you into heaven and that if you break them, you're not going to die and go to hell right then.
MEARS,
I understand your point of view. I know what it's like to break off a damn good thing because of differences of opinion. That doesn't mean you two can't ever see or talk to eachother again, though!
Hang out with her. Go places. Do stuff. Encourage her to be confident in what she believes. Talk with her. But just know where you stand.
Since you're a Christian, I'll remind you of this and hopefully not get knocked for doing so. God's got the right girl for ya. Relax. If you think this girl is the perfect one of you, cool. But just realize something... if she's not, the life-long mate that He has for you will be soooooooooo much better than you can possibly imagine. Give it some time, man. You've got school and a carreer to think about before you can support a family. I'm 19 and itchin' to get married, but I think most guys in their right mind are so. So are girls, but even more so. Anyway, relax, take a deep breath, give the situation over to God , trust Him, and be this girl's friend. Don't ever stop. Friendship is one of the very few priceless things in the world. Even if a romantic relationship does not work out, you'll still have her as a friend, which that kind of relationship can be almost as deep.
Don't worry, my friend! He's in control.
MEARS,
I understand your point of view. I know what it's like to break off a damn good thing because of differences of opinion. That doesn't mean you two can't ever see or talk to eachother again, though!
Hang out with her. Go places. Do stuff. Encourage her to be confident in what she believes. Talk with her. But just know where you stand.Since you're a Christian, I'll remind you of this and hopefully not get knocked for doing so. God's got the right girl for ya. Relax. If you think this girl is the perfect one of you, cool. But just realize something... if she's not, the life-long mate that He has for you will be soooooooooo much better than you can possibly imagine. Give it some time, man. You've got school and a carreer to think about before you can support a family. I'm 19 and itchin' to get married, but I think most guys in their right mind are so. So are girls, but even more so. Anyway, relax, take a deep breath, give the situation over to God , trust Him, and be this girl's friend. Don't ever stop. Friendship is one of the very few priceless things in the world. Even if a romantic relationship does not work out, you'll still have her as a friend, which that kind of relationship can be almost as deep.
Don't worry, my friend! He's in control.
ditto on what andrewR said.
Its too early to be thinking about that stuff down the road. Try it out for a couple of months and give us an update then.
Its too early to be thinking about that stuff down the road. Try it out for a couple of months and give us an update then.
Total Refected Power - in my personal experience, I've known two people who converted, and I wouldn't say their religion is unimportant for them, they had a change of faith, which happens.
If I read his post right, he's known this girl for a week - a little too early to be dumping her on religious grounds, don't you think? If her being Jewish is getting in the way of his feelings for her, then it's not fair to her to drag it out, but it sounds like he still likes her. So how is it a bad thing to slow down and get to know her before deciding her religion is a relationship-killer?
*Edited for crappy spelling.
If I read his post right, he's known this girl for a week - a little too early to be dumping her on religious grounds, don't you think? If her being Jewish is getting in the way of his feelings for her, then it's not fair to her to drag it out, but it sounds like he still likes her. So how is it a bad thing to slow down and get to know her before deciding her religion is a relationship-killer?
*Edited for crappy spelling.
I am with DAM, ChrichtonsGirl, and AndrewR on this one.
1st, it is too early to worry about marraige. 2nd, if it is meant to be, then it will be. 3rd, it can still work despite the difference in religions. I am jewish, I have never dated a jewish woman. In fact I am engaged to a woman that is a strong catholic. Two of my cousins (both jewish) recently got engaged, and their respective fiancee's are not jewish.
Relax. Enjoy the relationship and see where it goes. If it leads to love and marraige, then work it out then.
1st, it is too early to worry about marraige. 2nd, if it is meant to be, then it will be. 3rd, it can still work despite the difference in religions. I am jewish, I have never dated a jewish woman. In fact I am engaged to a woman that is a strong catholic. Two of my cousins (both jewish) recently got engaged, and their respective fiancee's are not jewish.
Relax. Enjoy the relationship and see where it goes. If it leads to love and marraige, then work it out then.
Not to sound too harsh, but yet another reason I'm glad I don't have to live under the yoke of Catholicism any longer. When, during high school, I findally broke free from what I'd been taught for years I felt quite liberated, and still do. See Mears, this sucks for you doesn't it? Is it really worth ruining a potentially good relationship just so your kids can grow up in a - God forbid - Christian household?
BiB
BiB
it's not that his kids will be raised in a Christian home, it's that he cares enough about his kids to show them the truth.
Somebody's has to compromise and it is usually the Christian. That's what I have seen living in an area that has both a ton Christians and Jews. I am not saying it is impossible and it may be worth it but why impose such a hardship early on in a relationship?
Relationships always get harder, not easier. It takes a lot of work without this additional stress.
Choose wisely.
Relationships always get harder, not easier. It takes a lot of work without this additional stress.
Choose wisely.
if this was said earlier, sorry...but I just skipped most of the replies to add in my own advice.
first of all, I think you're wrong for judging her too much because of her religious background. but since you obviously don't feel comfortable with it, your potential relationship with her probably won't work - too many conflicting ideas/beliefs. of course, you can always try to tolerate her...but I doubt you, or mostly anybody else, can keep it up too long.
first of all, I think you're wrong for judging her too much because of her religious background. but since you obviously don't feel comfortable with it, your potential relationship with her probably won't work - too many conflicting ideas/beliefs. of course, you can always try to tolerate her...but I doubt you, or mostly anybody else, can keep it up too long.
Alright I'm Jewish so I am going to put my two sense in.
I think you are thinking way too long term here. Unless your dying to get married, you shouldnt think about kids after a few dates. Also, you are being a drop judgmental but I see where you are coming from.
As a Jew, I would never marry a girl thats not Jewish. Going out with someone not of my religion is cool with me, but I know it will never turn into anything serious. She would have to be so special that I would even consider it. Also, its very hard for someone that is Christian to convert. The Jewish religion is so special, that I am amazed when my friends don't get the feeling you get from being Jewish.
On one last note, my Aunt married a Christian man. They are happily married, two kids, and they all celebrate eachothers religion. I mean he did a great job going to the Jewish religions, and she did decent vice-versa. So it is possible. I have a number of friends at school that are Half and Half (thats what they call their religion)
I have to say though it depends on the strength of her Judiasm. Bye bye
I think you are thinking way too long term here. Unless your dying to get married, you shouldnt think about kids after a few dates. Also, you are being a drop judgmental but I see where you are coming from.
As a Jew, I would never marry a girl thats not Jewish. Going out with someone not of my religion is cool with me, but I know it will never turn into anything serious. She would have to be so special that I would even consider it. Also, its very hard for someone that is Christian to convert. The Jewish religion is so special, that I am amazed when my friends don't get the feeling you get from being Jewish.
On one last note, my Aunt married a Christian man. They are happily married, two kids, and they all celebrate eachothers religion. I mean he did a great job going to the Jewish religions, and she did decent vice-versa. So it is possible. I have a number of friends at school that are Half and Half (thats what they call their religion)
I have to say though it depends on the strength of her Judiasm. Bye bye
I've been dating a girl for 5 years now who happens to be Jewish. I was raised Catholic but don't consider myself the least bit religious.
Neither my girlfriend or I would have even considered letting religion get in the way of things while we were casually dating. As it became more serious and we moved in together, it still wasn't much of a factor. I completely respect her religious beliefs and find Judiasm to be a very interesting religion. My family (including my father who is a relatively strict catholic) wouldn't dream of "disapproving" of a relationship between two people because of one persons religious beliefs.
Close family friends of my parents have a great marriage (she's christian, he's jewish). They raised their kids so that they knew about both religions and were tolerant of all (something this country could use a whole lot more of), and then let them make their own decisions.
Beyond all this -- it's too early in the relationship for you to care.. Go out, have fun. Maybe you'll find out next date that she has some horrible annoying laugh that you couldn't live with and you've been worrying needlessly...Maybe you'll fall in love and things will just work out.
Neither my girlfriend or I would have even considered letting religion get in the way of things while we were casually dating. As it became more serious and we moved in together, it still wasn't much of a factor. I completely respect her religious beliefs and find Judiasm to be a very interesting religion. My family (including my father who is a relatively strict catholic) wouldn't dream of "disapproving" of a relationship between two people because of one persons religious beliefs.
Close family friends of my parents have a great marriage (she's christian, he's jewish). They raised their kids so that they knew about both religions and were tolerant of all (something this country could use a whole lot more of), and then let them make their own decisions.
Beyond all this -- it's too early in the relationship for you to care.. Go out, have fun. Maybe you'll find out next date that she has some horrible annoying laugh that you couldn't live with and you've been worrying needlessly...Maybe you'll fall in love and things will just work out.
man, you got problems...
are you circumsized ? small sized ?
ever heard of a JAP ?
condolences KID !
Save the foil latex packages for an airhead !
are you circumsized ? small sized ?
ever heard of a JAP ?
condolences KID !
Save the foil latex packages for an airhead !
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