Hyperblaze
Lifer
somehow that just doesn't suprise me...considering she is your mother.
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American women and men: NOT made for each other?
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somehow that just doesn't suprise me...considering she is your mother.
Yeah, these guys whine because they can't have a submissive woman anymore. Then with their ridiculous stereotypes in mind about Asian women, they go out looking exclusively for Asian women. I've got bad news for guys like the original poster's friend: These freebies won't last for long, for Asian women too are becoming strong-willed and independent-minded.
I suspect you must not have had much women in your circle of friends. I think that if you did, it wouldn't be hard for you to learn of at least one woman like that.
Yeah, he speaks the truth there!
veggiefrog
Member
😕 i dont agree with everything my mother says... do u?
Hyperblaze
Lifer
no...of course not....
but your mom is obviously a strong independant woman
and it doesn't suprise me at all that she passed those traits onto you.
let's not get stuck on semantics 😉
KarenMarie
Elite Member
I think that once we got over the intitial sparring and generalizations, we are like minded.
I have traveled to enough foreign countries to know what the opinion of American women are. In many cases, not all, I was surrounded by women who could never make enough money to support themselves, and did not have the education available to do so... the husbands made all the rules on what was best for the family... and if the woman was not happy, there was not a lot she could do. And that went on for generation after generation.... things are not like that here... hence we are considered b1tches...
As for the b/f and me... well, when we met... i was a single mom... no alimony, no child support, refused all government aid... i worked, i paid the bills... if something got broken in the house, I fixed it or paid to get it done... was total disciplinarian, soother, fixer, payer... all of it.
He was working, taking care of himself and whatever he needed. He doesnt need me to do anything for him... and I am capable of doing everything for myself...
but to be honest... there is very few things in life that are sweeter than him coming home and loving what I cooked for him. To see him interact with my daughter... to know that he took my car to his shop and made it safe for me. And if I am stressing and he hugs me and tells me it will all be ok.. that is priceless...
If we disagree, I will give in because it is what is best for the realtionship and will make us happy as a couple... if he ever tried to tell me that he wins cause he is the boss cause he is the man... he will no longer be eating with his own teeth.
😉
No wonder people feel that they may have rushed into marriage, and end up getting a divorce just like that. Folks dont understand that marriage is HARD work, and it is not just some way of ensuring that you have a steady pu$$y to bang. Everyone seems to give up the first time they have a problem - when women enter a relationship with the thinking "I dont need this guy", they loose the interest in making stuff stick, and things work. No wonder they dont want to have a kid until they are like 35 - 1) if they decide to leave the relationship, it "uncomplicates" things, 2) when they are 35 they know their bio-clock is ticking, and they better do it NOW.
So that leaves me wondering - why do AMERICAN WOMEN even want to get married? Dont tell me everyone who decides to married knows what they are doing - considering divorce rates are more than 50%. I think its just like what BujinZero said - "Marriages are incredibly over-romanticized in the USA" - and the hard part is left out. You setup a high-expectation on anything and you are setting up for failure.
The industry has commoditized marriages, and the more marriages that happen the more profit for all the florists, wedding planners, counselors, therapists, etc. Well, what do you do if folks dont want to get married, and the population is low? Hmmm... get each of them to marry 2-3 times, and you have a steady source of income for all the folks involved in the business. It's all a super-sugar-coated conspiracy I tells ya; yet another reason to hate those Lohan and Duff bimbos who promote this all over the silver screen.
I don't know if it has anything to do with "American" or not, but the trend I've seen is for women to be looking to keep living the "romance novel" adventure with someone who's new, exciting, and where the fantasy they have about that person is still stronger in their minds than the reality.
Trouble is, it's pretty much physically impossible for a guy to remain new, exciting, and different indefinitely. Sooner or later, the reality starts to shine through and the world is full of new and exciting fantasies that look much more appealing.
Now, if you're a guy who's reasonably polished, has mastered some good lines, and comes across and different and exciting, you can rack up all the points you could ever want and more. Just remember to move on while you're still half-fantasy and before you get attached. If that's your thing, then the world's your oyster.
Call it good or bad if you will, but I think it's just another case of "life's like that" and you're either one of the lucky ones or you're not. If you're one of the "not"s, there's always video games and ATOT. In any event, you deal. Life goes on.
Trouble is, it's pretty much physically impossible for a guy to remain new, exciting, and different indefinitely. Sooner or later, the reality starts to shine through and the world is full of new and exciting fantasies that look much more appealing.
Now, if you're a guy who's reasonably polished, has mastered some good lines, and comes across and different and exciting, you can rack up all the points you could ever want and more. Just remember to move on while you're still half-fantasy and before you get attached. If that's your thing, then the world's your oyster.
Call it good or bad if you will, but I think it's just another case of "life's like that" and you're either one of the lucky ones or you're not. If you're one of the "not"s, there's always video games and ATOT. In any event, you deal. Life goes on.
RaynorWolfcastle
Diamond Member
but... but... but I like video games 🙁
Seriously though, I agree. Most women are more interested in the mystery and challenge of "the chase" than a long term relationship (and guys are mostly the same way).
While, yes, women are physically capable of all those things, I still can't think of any women I know that are able to support themselves and thier children without help from men.
I mean, look at it in terms of numbers:
So, you take all the single mothers out there (if they're not single mothers, they either aren't taking care of children, or they aren't supporting themselves and thier children on their own). Then, you get rid of all the ones recieving alimony or child support, or are living in a home purchased significantly with money earned by an ex-husband. Next, get rid of any who are getting welfare or govermnent aid. After that, get rid of any who are living with thier parents, new boyfriends, etc. After that, get rid of all the ones who call a male friend when thier car breaks down, or thier sink starts leaking, or thier computer breaks, etc. (A "friend" in this case, is anyone who does work for free. If you pay a mechanic to fix your car, you're not relying on men for help, but if you ask your male friend to do it for free, then you are.)
How many women in the US are left? Very few.
I attended a lecture at the University of Minnesota where the speaker was discussing the differences between arranged marriages and 'love' marriages. I don't remember much, but one key statistic she had (that I couldn't find to cite) was that on average, couples in arranged marriages are happier than couples in love marriages. It's a bit of a cold fish slap, but it makes sense. When you're told that you're going to marry a person and you can't do anything about it, you're more apt to work harder to make yourself, and incidentally your spouse happier. Another interpersonal communication theory is that proximity builds respect and love. Continued contact actually builds a loving relationship over a long, undivorced period of time.
I agree. Many women are like that. I have a close friend who capitalizes on just what you describe. It's not all women, but it sure is a lot of em.
Hyperblaze
Lifer
I just want to procreate and have children....is that too much to ask???
KarenMarie
Elite Member
I cannot comment on that from experience. When I divorced, I walked away from the $120,000. that my lawyer promised me would be a breeze for me to get... because it would have meant him selling a house that he had before he had me, selling stocks that he had before he had me, and cashing in life-insurance and pensions policies that he had before he had me. That was really not fair, imho... so I took approx $20,000.. 1/2 of which I never saw... but that is me...
seems to me that the majority of posts that disagree with what I am trying to say.. all point to the lowest of the women population. In my life, I have met more women like me, than the ones that I have seen described in this post...
I am sure they are out there, just as are the men that say they will call and won't... have sex with women they couldn't give a sh1t about... get a women pregnant and never pay child support... or have anything to do with raising the children... men who mentally insult and mentally and physically abuse women... or would prefer to leave them home to go to beer drinking with the buddies...All men are not like that, just as all women are not portrayed as posted in this thread.
But it seems that women, much more easily get labeled the b1tch, while the men are accused of just acting like boys.
🙂
KarenMarie
Elite Member
You SO got me there!!
I concede on that 100%
hahaha!
🙂
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
I reared 3 kids alone for well over a decade, when people around here need work done for "free" guess who they call?
Oh and child support, alimony what is that ?
I am a smart,hard working woman who's child rearing duties are almost completed. I've led a pretty full life and was happy to fly solo rather than just "settle" for any guy.
Hyperblaze
Lifer
err...and it's not every day that a woman will admit defeat...
Seriously, DougK and I had a discussion about this. He thought that I was too demanding for the reasons you gave above. He said people change. Well, you know what crossed my mind but I didn't bother posting: Assuming his theory is true about young girls not wanting to settle until they've kissed a number of guys--no wonder! There's no way in hell I would like to submit myself to a boring relationship. What is to stop someone from dumping an old lover for a new one if through this process she could always renew the feeling she desired and with little burden?
Why shouldn't I continue to enjoy the affections, courtesy, compliments, respect, flowers, help, care and other things? I would hope to maintain the same attitude toward him, so why can't he do the same? Really though, isn't a relationship also about sacrifices? I may not feel too good, but I love and respect someone enough to go out of my way to make sure he enjoys what he's earned. Why must these things stop suddenly? And if they must stop, what is to stop me from leaving for a new relationship where my deeds and feelings (emotional, physical, and spiritual) are reciprocated? I understand that things change (e.g., aging, babies, bills to pay), but it shouldn't stop the love from flowing in action. It should only make people change the way they do just a few things--not most or everything. I think often than not, it's just plain laziness and getting too comfortable (i.e., interpreting comfort as having no obligations anymore). Really, I don't see the benefit of a relationship if all either of us gets from it is stress, no time for the other person, no affections etc. He isn't my family member--he's my lover or spouse. It should stay that way. I would much rather not commit myself to a particular man if it can't be that way. Call it idealism or romanticism, but that's what I want and expect--a mutual feeling, understanding, respect, courtesy and a display of affections.
I'm not suggesting any of the above is *wrong*; it all works out great for some people and not so well for others. Same's true of anything else, really.
Now, I'm all for keeping the romance and displays of affection and "thinking about you" going forever...but when I'm doing it, it's always going to be me doing it, and therein lies the fatal flaw. If I've arranged for some special surprise, hidden a little something in your brown-bag lunch, taken you out to a favorite play or show, it'll still be me doing it, no matter how much I try to be new, creative, and different about it. (Heck, as an actor, I've got a whole wardrobe and prop selection to add a few other kinds of "new and different," but it's still the same, old me underneath it all.) No matter how much you keep making into reality, it still not in the same league as a fantasy of how amazing someone else *could* be.
Especially after she's gotten to see those unpolished times when the bills have to be paid and you've got to sit down and make sure her problems are taken care of as well as your own. A fantasy never has to worry about how to deal with the credit cards or get the car fixed.
I understand what you're saying about the novelty wearing out. However, I do not believe that you are right about women wanting an all fresh experience. I think the reason women take that leap is because they aren't even getting the best experience that their men are capable of offering. If the men do their best--just like the women, many women are content and stay in the relationship. They understand that it can't look and be the same as the first day, but they also know that it could still be a great experience and close to the first experience for both. Don't get me wrong: There are women with issues and too demanding, take, take, take and never give back. However, for the average woman, she is content with the best her SO has to offer if only he would present it. Don't treat things that should be incorporated into your daily lives (or at the very least, frequently) as things for just special occasions or never to be done. My contention is that many men violate that rule (i.e., failing to comply) once they steal the hearts of their women. I hope that I have expressed my point of view in a clear manner. 🙂
Sure there's a lot of variety in women out there, though quite a lot *are* like that...they want the initial "butterflies in the stomach" rush and excitement...enough to promise "forevers" that have a fast-approaching expiration date. I don't think I understand the whole "stealing her heart" concept, not when being someone's "one true love" and the "one she wants to spend the rest of her life with" can evaporate without the appearance of a moment's thought or hesitation on her part at any moment? How would you know that you've got someone's heart and you're not just a momentary amusement?
Basically, I think what it comes down to is that people, in general, want as much as they can get. This applies to men and women. Women used to have no civil liberties, but had social privileges that men had to fulfill. Dinner, flower, candy, gifts, and generally special treatment for being a woman. Now that women are fighting for the same rights as men, they still want to keep their social privileges.
How many women take the man out for a date? How often does a man get custody and alimony in divorce court? I would guess that these percentages are incredibly low. Men should help with the cooking and the laundry, yet it's understood who should mow the lawn and change the oil.
American women have no financial need for American men. But there's a difference between "need" and "want". Because while American women don't need money from men, they want special treatment from men. Of course, special treatment often requires money anyways. It's a nice gig if you can get it. But looking at the divorce rates, it looks like most can't.
dfi
How many women take the man out for a date? How often does a man get custody and alimony in divorce court? I would guess that these percentages are incredibly low. Men should help with the cooking and the laundry, yet it's understood who should mow the lawn and change the oil.
American women have no financial need for American men. But there's a difference between "need" and "want". Because while American women don't need money from men, they want special treatment from men. Of course, special treatment often requires money anyways. It's a nice gig if you can get it. But looking at the divorce rates, it looks like most can't.
dfi
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