Amazon reviews...

BabaBooey

Lifer
Jan 21, 2001
10,476
0
0
I love some of these reviews,here is one for a faux leather laptop sleeve...


1.0 out of 5 stars Trash, April 21, 2012
By
Goku - See all my reviews

This review is from: Black Generic Leather Laptop Sleeve Envelop Case fit Apple MacBook 13" and 13 - 14 inch Notebook Computer (Electronics)

This item SMELLS like ROTTEN VAGINA!!!!! DO NOT BUY THIS THING... I'M SENDING IT BACK!!! THIS IS NASTY!!! AS SOON AS I OPENED IT MY WIFE AND CHILDREN THREW UP!!!! PEOPLE AT THE OFFICE THOUGHT I WAS A PERVERT B/C OF THE SMELL!!!


:D
 

mvbighead

Diamond Member
Apr 20, 2009
3,793
1
81
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
 

JTsyo

Lifer
Nov 18, 2007
12,024
1,131
126
I love some of these reviews,here is one for a faux leather laptop sleeve...


1.0 out of 5 stars Trash, April 21, 2012
By
Goku - See all my reviews

This review is from: Black Generic Leather Laptop Sleeve Envelop Case fit Apple MacBook 13" and 13 - 14 inch Notebook Computer (Electronics)

This item SMELLS like ROTTEN VAGINA!!!!! DO NOT BUY THIS THING... I'M SENDING IT BACK!!! THIS IS NASTY!!! AS SOON AS I OPENED IT MY WIFE AND CHILDREN THREW UP!!!! PEOPLE AT THE OFFICE THOUGHT I WAS A PERVERT B/C OF THE SMELL!!!


:D

So was his family with him at work or did he take it into work even after his family threw up? :colbert:
 

BrokenVisage

Lifer
Jan 29, 2005
24,771
14
81
In his defense I once bought an iPad case made of PU leather off Amazon, and PEE-YEW did it STINK! Ugh. Good case otherwise but no way could I keep it.
 

lxskllr

No Lifer
Nov 30, 2004
59,609
10,114
126
In his defense I once bought an iPad case made of PU leather off Amazon, and PEE-YEW did it STINK! Ugh. Good case otherwise but no way could I keep it.

For future reference, the stench of petrochemicals quickly diminishes over time. Once the toxic additives outgas into your house, it should smell fine unless you stick your nose in it. Put it in a sunny car window to accelerate the process.
 

tommo123

Platinum Member
Sep 25, 2005
2,617
48
91
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Ha...1_1?s=drugstore&ie=UTF8&qid=1335261404&sr=1-1

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Although I understood the part about 'intimate use' I could not find anything about this not being for nose or ear hair. I get fed up with constantly cutting myself whilst trying to cut my ear and nose hair with a pair of Kitchen Scissors, so I decided that this product would work for me. I rubbed it up into my nostrils and around the outside of my ears. Very soon the burn started and trust me it really makes your eyes water. Probably more that if it was on your knob or bollocks like the other reviewer did. If your eyes do water, make sure the product is not on your hands when you go to wipe your eyes as this porodcut also removes eyelashes and eyebrows and makes youe eyes water even more. I look like I have been put on a sunbed for too long and people keep asking me why I am crying. Still, a good product which does what it says.
 

chubbyfatazn

Golden Member
Oct 14, 2006
1,617
35
91

From the same product:

Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

There's a $90,000 watch on Amazon that has something like 380 reviews, all just trolling the product. Gave me a few laughs after dinner.

Edit: here it is...

I wasn't going to buy this watch, but then I noticed Amazon had it with $58,000 off! What a deal. With the money I saved I purchased a brand new BMW and still had money left over for a Disney vacation. How many watches save you money to buy a car and a vacation?

Now whenever I see someone with money troubles I tell them to buy this watch and save $58,000. I am considering buying 10 of these watches so I can save $580,000 and buy a house on cash. Retirement saving is also no longer a concern for me, as I plan to buy one every year and live off the $58,000 I save.
 

vshah

Lifer
Sep 20, 2003
19,003
24
81
http://www.amazon.com/AudioQuest-K2-...5298860&sr=1-4




6,491 of 6,564 people found the following review helpful
I have only a little time... November 15, 2010
By Whisper
We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

PLEASE! You must listen! We cannot maintain the link for long... I will type as fast as I can.

DO NOT USE THE CABLES!

We were fools, fools to develop such a thing! Sound was never meant to be this clear, this pure, this... accurate. For a few short days, we marveled. Then the... whispers... began.

Were they Aramaic? Hyperborean? Some even more ancient tongue, first spoken by elder races under the red light of dying suns far from here? We do not know, but somehow, slowly... we began to UNDERSTAND.

No, no, please! I don't want to remember! YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME REMEMBER! I saw brave men claw their own eyes out... oh, god, the screaming... the mobs of feral children feasting on corpses, the shadows MOVING, the fires burning in the air! The CHANTING!

WHY CAN'T I FORGET THE WORDS???

We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

Do not use the cables!
1,660 of 1,701 people found the following review helpful
If only Heracles had such power! March 19, 2009
By Valannin
If there is one cable I would whole-heartedly trust to my Chimera-hunting needs, this would be the cable. No other cable has the tensile strength to properly and efficiently garrote a lycanthrope, asphyxiate an Esquilax or even gag a mermaid. Last week, using my trusty AudioQuest K2 (retrofitted with lead weights, bright orange latex paint and a generous coating of crushed glass stolen from the window of an abandoned church at midnight), I managed to snuff 3 golden unicorns in swift succession!

Pros: Quickly tears through scales, fur, bone, and adamantium with ease
Coils and uncoils from hip holster (optional) quickly and quietly
For a product fabricated from 1,000 Onyx Dragon fetuses, the price is unbelievably reasonable!

Cons: Shipping from the R'lyeh took far too long
Doesn't come in 10' lengths (which would be perfect for hydra, cerberii and other multi-headed creatures)
After every use, I can feel 6 ounces of my soul slipping from my core into the ether. But this may be due to the fact that I prefer to work without gloves. YMMV.

Overall, I would recommend that any hunter buy one, nay, two, of these immediately, and experience the difference that upgrading to the K2 will make in your next quest!
 

nyker96

Diamond Member
Apr 19, 2005
5,630
2
81
this review is probably fake, he mentioned opening the package in front of wife/kids but then also mentioned opening at office. This reviewer is obviously lying and just trying to draw attention.
 

jhansman

Platinum Member
Feb 5, 2004
2,768
29
91
For future reference, the stench of petrochemicals quickly diminishes over time.

I don't doubt that this is true, but I have a set of 15 yr. old Craftsman nut drivers that are in a clear 'plastic' case that still stinks like vomit. Bizarre.
 

Ichinisan

Lifer
Oct 9, 2002
28,298
1,235
136
this review is probably fake, he mentioned opening the package in front of wife/kids but then also mentioned opening at office. This reviewer is obviously lying and just trying to draw attention.

No. He took it to the office after opening it.
 

Dr. Zaus

Lifer
Oct 16, 2008
11,764
347
126
This watch is amazing I cant believe I contacted ewoks and R2D2 with this watch. But I got the watch while I was sitting at the fire place sipping on some imported tea and sitting with my dog Sir William while throwing hundred dollar bills into the fire, I found this watch and it was only 99,000!! any where else it would be 100,000 but anyway paid the OVERPRICED SHIPPING WHICH WAS 9.95 UGHH!!!! :/... Got the watch two days later took it out it was quite shiny :).. After having it for a couple of days one day I was riding in my Rolls Royce and suddenly I heard a static not knowing what it was I told the driver step on it.. Then a voice started through the watch it sounded very familiar so I just ingored it figuring it was my mind playing jedi mind tricks on me again.. Soon enough the sound came throught and would you know it it sounded like R2D2 AND FREAKING EWOKS IN THE BACKROUND.. So I said to my self son of a bitch they are real George Lucus what are you really hiding?
 

Paratus

Lifer
Jun 4, 2004
17,550
15,638
146
I like the one for the uranium ore:

http://www.amazon.com/Images-SI-Inc-...5355134&sr=8-7

Great Product, Poor Packaging

I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.

or the Gallon of Tuscan milk for $45

http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-M...ref=pd_sbs_a_3

Make this your only stock and store July 8, 2008 By Edgar
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -
Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -
Purg'ed here for evermore.

And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky
Ardor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,
So that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,
I retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door -
Heedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door -
I resolved to have some more.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'This,' said I, 'requires an extra dram of milk, my favorite pour.'
To the icebox I aspired, motivated to admire
How its avocado pigment complemented my decor.
Then I grasped its woodgrain handle - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams of Tuscans I had known before
But the light inside was broken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were my whispered words, 'No more!'
Coke and beer, some ketchup I set eyes on, and an apple core -
Merely this and nothing more.

Back toward the table turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

From the window came a stirring, then, with an incessant purring,
Inside stepped a kitten; mannerlessly did she me ignore.
Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
But, with mien of lord or lady, withdrew to my dining floor -
Pounced upon the pool of Tuscan spreading o'er my dining floor -
Licked, and lapped, and supped some more.

Then this tiny cat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grand enthusiasm of the countenance she wore,
Toward the mess she showed no pity, 'til I said, 'Well, hello, kitty!'
Sought she me with pretty eyes that seemed to open some rapport.
So I pleaded, 'Tell me, tell me what it is that you implore!'
Quoth the kitten, 'Get some more.'
 

SillyOReilly

Golden Member
Aug 11, 2007
1,532
6
81
I love some of these reviews,here is one for a faux leather laptop sleeve...


1.0 out of 5 stars Trash, April 21, 2012
By
Goku - See all my reviews

This review is from: Black Generic Leather Laptop Sleeve Envelop Case fit Apple MacBook 13" and 13 - 14 inch Notebook Computer (Electronics)

This item SMELLS like ROTTEN VAGINA!!!!! DO NOT BUY THIS THING... I'M SENDING IT BACK!!! THIS IS NASTY!!! AS SOON AS I OPENED IT MY WIFE AND CHILDREN THREW UP!!!! PEOPLE AT THE OFFICE THOUGHT I WAS A PERVERT B/C OF THE SMELL!!!


:D

What an intellectual post from the Howard Stern fan base.
 

Dr. Zaus

Lifer
Oct 16, 2008
11,764
347
126
When I began to vomit again, for the second time in four days, I noticed that my vomit had changed and that there was blood in my vomit.