Cooking a turkey and not drying it out isn't that hard. Jeez.
First, don't buy the biggest fucking turkey you can find. If you need to feed a lot of people, consider multiple birds. Second, brine the fucker(s). Third, bring to room temp before sticking it in the oven. Slather with butter and whatever seasonings you like, throw some citrus in the cavity, and put it in the high heat. When it starts to brown, drop the temp until done. By done, I mean whatever temperature you're comfortable with at the thighs. A little pink by the bone doesn't bother me at all.