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Am I out of line? - Updated. It's all okay.

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Dude, if I remember correctly, your fiance is HOT. And I mean REALLY HOT!!

And because she's that hot, you almost can't blame guys, especially ex-bf's, from continually trying to get back with her. It sucks, but it comes with the territory of dating an attractive woman.

My first thought is that she's either incredibly naive, thinking that this guy only wants to be friends, or maybe she is actually interested in him. I hate to say that, but it's got to be a possibility, especially since she's already dated him in the past. You're engaged to her, and everyone gets cold feet at some point, so I think you're just going to have to ride this out and hope she stops these interactions with this guy on her own.

I think the more you suggest that she shouldn't be talking to this guy, the further you're going to push her towards him.
 
Your not out of line, not by a long shot and if she has a problem talking about it then that means all the more reason to find out....somethings seems awry
 
Am I out of line for being upset about it?

***********

Why? Did you do something wrong? All you can control is you. If you seek to control another you will fail and get sick in the process. Leave the gate open for one to enter or leave. If they leave it is ok. If they enter for but a while it is ok too. Do not expect another to enter and stay until they do. It is best to progress slowly and without expectations in things of the heart. Invest emotions wisely and don't expect exponential growth when only a steady compounded growth is possible.

IMO
 
Originally posted by: JJWalker
My suggestion is, get your ass off ATOT and get on with your life. Perhaps there's a reason why she's looking for attention elsewhere. Like 11,724 reasons.
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Fsck you. :| You have no clue who I am or how I spend my time.
 
Originally posted by: Beau
Originally posted by: JJWalker
My suggestion is, get your ass off ATOT and get on with your life. Perhaps there's a reason why she's looking for attention elsewhere. Like 11,724 reasons.
Click to expand...

Fsck you. :| You have no clue who I am or how I spend my time.
Click to expand...


Make that 11,726 reasons.
 
Originally posted by: Beau
Originally posted by: JJWalker
My suggestion is, get your ass off ATOT and get on with your life. Perhaps there's a reason why she's looking for attention elsewhere. Like 11,724 reasons.
Click to expand...

Fsck you. :| You have no clue who I am or how I spend my time.
Click to expand...

yeah I agreeat least he has a fiancee
you probably don't jjwalker...
don't say bullshit

I spend some time on here as well at work and have much more of a life than almost all people here

don't judge when you don't know
 
Originally posted by: MazerRackham
Dude, if I remember correctly, your fiance is HOT. And I mean REALLY HOT!!

And because she's that hot, you almost can't blame guys, especially ex-bf's, from continually trying to get back with her. It sucks, but it comes with the territory of dating an attractive woman.
Click to expand...

I'm learning this, slowly... 🙁

My first thought is that she's either incredibly naive, thinking that this guy only wants to be friends, or maybe she is actually interested in him. I hate to say that, but it's got to be a possibility, especially since she's already dated him in the past. You're engaged to her, and everyone gets cold feet at some point, so I think you're just going to have to ride this out and hope she stops these interactions with this guy on her own.

I think the more you suggest that she shouldn't be talking to this guy, the further you're going to push her towards him.
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I think you're right on that, which is one reason why I'm venting on here. If I try to confront her with it, it'll just raise more problems. I've told her that I trust her, and I do. I just don't trust him.
 
Originally posted by: JJWalker
Originally posted by: Beau
Originally posted by: JJWalker
My suggestion is, get your ass off ATOT and get on with your life. Perhaps there's a reason why she's looking for attention elsewhere. Like 11,724 reasons.
Click to expand...

Fsck you. :| You have no clue who I am or how I spend my time.
Click to expand...


Make that 11,726 reasons.
Click to expand...

rolleye.gif
Get off his ass already. I think he's got a right to be upset and while asking ATOT may not always be the best course of action, that's no reason to be a dick.
 
Originally posted by: JJWalker
Originally posted by: Beau
Originally posted by: JJWalker
My suggestion is, get your ass off ATOT and get on with your life. Perhaps there's a reason why she's looking for attention elsewhere. Like 11,724 reasons.
Click to expand...

Fsck you. :| You have no clue who I am or how I spend my time.
Click to expand...


Make that 11,726 reasons.
Click to expand...

are you 12 years old or just retarded?

I spend most of my time with her. I happen to be a web designer, and spend 8-10 hours a day on the computer, while she's at work mind you. She's still on the phone, otherwise I'd be talking with her.
 
:Q Beau! That doesn't look pretty at all.

Okay, before I give my opinion, do you care to tell us how you learned of this fact? Did she openly share it with you? Or did you uncover it by yourself?
 
Originally posted by: luvly
:Q Beau! That doesn't look pretty at all.

Okay, before I give my opinion, do you care to tell us how you learned of this fact? Did she openly share it with you? Or did you uncover it by yourself?
Click to expand...

Read the text in the ( ) in his first post.
 
Originally posted by: damiano
don't judge when you don't know
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I wish more people on here would take that advice....


and Beau...looked at your gallery. You have really nice pictures. 🙂

EDIT: eeks!! Just saw your duck pics...OMG....duckies!!!
 
JJWalker Cut the guy some slack and stop being an asshat, you giving him crap is the last thing he needs so STFU
Gobadgrs Enough with the confusion for me 😉
Beau Have a :beer: and i hope you sort it out
 
My questions would be: Does she still have any kind of feelings for him? What are his intentions towards her, and does he respect the fact that she's with you? What is her attitude towards him, and towards you in general (aside from this issue)?

In my opinion, if she respects her relationship with you, she should put him off. However, in my experience, women are notoriously unable to do this with many ex b/f's.
 
You said there is reason to worry "let's just say that there's reason to be jealous over it (not going into details)".

Obviously there's been issues in the past.

She needs to cut ties to this guy if she's serious about marrying you. End of story.
 
Whooops! Thanks for the note, Pyonir. I thought that read something else. 😱

Here's my view:

Here are two possibilities:

1) She still likes this guy, does stuff with him or is planning to do something with him, but she is hiding it from you. This is bad news 'cuz she will eventually dump you.

2) You're a jealous bf. She felt the need to lie to you by badmouthing him, whilst still communicating with him. She just likes him as a friend in that case.

If (2) is the case, then she may be doing this intentionally to upset you and get your attention, especially as she openly told you about it. Maybe she doesn't feel you're giving her the attention that she needs.

I guess either wouldn't matter. The underlying problem is that there seems to be distrust. 'What is the reason for the distrust' is the question! Has she done something to make you not trust her? Perhaps you come across as someone who wouldn't accept it if she kept in touch or spoke well of him, so she felt the need to badmouth him. If she badmouthed him, then it satisfied you and made you believe that she had cut all contacts.

Basically, to answer your question, I think there's so much distrust between you two. If you find yourself being naturally jealous, then you shouldn't be with her. And in that case you are overreacting. Overreaction is also what causes her to hide things from you.

As I said earlier, I suspect she's intentionally provoking you to react that way. She just wants your attention, if so! Check for what in particular she wants, as there's something she might be trying to tell you.

If, on the other hand, she did something from the start to make you doubt her, then you have two choices: Give her the benefit of doubt again and watch her bring back the trust. Otherwise if you can't be willing to give her the chance again by letting go of her past, then maybe it's time to end it. You can't be carrying that much weight that comes with distrust.
 
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life...

Anyways, I know how you must feel. Don't confront her, it will only make matters worse. Let it be, if it's really meant to be, you have nothing to worry about.
Good luck!
 
you are not out of line.

its good that you expressed how you felt.

althought she might be mad at first, imsure she will re think it thru and realize why you were concerned.
 
You're not out of line. I'd be pissed too!!! But then again I've been cheated on in the past so I happen to get very jealous whereas before I didn't. I guess I just stopped trusting people. Ugh I hate cheaters! :|
 
Originally posted by: ManSnake
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life...

Anyways, I know how you must feel. Don't confront her, it will only make matters worse. Let it be, if it's really meant to be, you have nothing to worry about.
Good luck!
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I disagree, Confront her before things get out of hand. Ex's belong in the past, not present. Most guys who start calling again want her back. Why else would someone go out of their way to call up an ex. Your relationship is headed downhill.
 
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