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Am I a bad person for this?

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I am so sorry to hear about your dad.

I would recommend you visit him in the hospital. Even though he is in a coma he can still hear you and comatose patients often respond to loved ones talking to him.

Go sit by his side, say what you have to say, and then leave. It's good to have closure.

And yes, if not now, it will hit you like a ton of bricks eventually I think.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: BigToque
You should be feeling just the way you are. Deal with the emotions as they come (and they definitely will come).

Are you planning on going to the hospital before he dies? Having a few last moments with him would help you I'm sure, regardless of how you think you feel about him.
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He is across the country. He is in a coma. He will not respond to anything. It would take days to get there driving and more than I have for a plane ticket today.
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I agree that you are staying detached and emotionless as a protective measure and it will catch up to you.

As far as not going due to money you need to find it. Credit card, borrow money from a friend anything. At most its going to cost you $300 on southwest airlines. That is a VERY small amount of money in trade in giving your father a peaceful passing.


My heart is with your family...
 
My dad left my mom for some lady hit met through a penpal prison thing. She turned out to be a lesbian and she left him alone. Then he met some lady on Dark Age of Camelot. He up and moved to Maine to meet her. Never came back. He started realizing that his children were all he had. Not because he wanted to but because he had to. I was the only one he was able to tell goodbye. He didn't talk to anyone else.
He was never a father figure or a role model. He never had anything constructive to do or say. But him and I connected because he was disabled and spent 99% of his time playing on his computer and I enjoyed computers as well.
I want to go there and be there, but I am not going to. I couldn't make it if I tried.
He is not the father you loved and cared for. He was the guy who made me. He stayed, but only because he had to. Only because he had no place else to go. And when he found someplace else, he left. Just like he did his first three children, from another lady before my mother.
I told him I loved him and that's more than he deserved. But in a way he shaped me. He shaped all of us.
We are all awkward children. We never grew up with real parents. We grew up with parents who would rather have not been parents.
 
Originally posted by: Syrch
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: BigToque
You should be feeling just the way you are. Deal with the emotions as they come (and they definitely will come).

Are you planning on going to the hospital before he dies? Having a few last moments with him would help you I'm sure, regardless of how you think you feel about him.
Click to expand...

He is across the country. He is in a coma. He will not respond to anything. It would take days to get there driving and more than I have for a plane ticket today.
Click to expand...

I agree that you are staying detached and emotionless as a protective measure and it will catch up to you.

As far as not going due to money you need to find it. Credit card, borrow money from a friend anything. At most its going to cost you $300 on southwest airlines. That is a VERY small amount of money in trade in giving your father a peaceful passing.


My heart is with your family...
Click to expand...

My family doesn't care. My mother hated him. My sister never had any type of relationship with him. I am honestly taking this the hardest out of everyone.
 
Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
The situation is bad, not your lack of emotions. You're staying detached as a protective mechanism, or out of shock. It'll hit you later - just don't bottle it up and disregard it.

rose.gif
🙁

- M4H
Click to expand...

:thumbsup:
 
To be honest, you probably won't miss him at all. You were the only one to have relations with him at all, and it sounds like even they were fairly infrequent. From my own experience (my father passed away about a year and a half ago), it seems the more out of place something is, the more sullen people are around you or events that bring back memories (possibly worse ones) tend to cause more emotions. Like if you logged onto WoW, that might bother you a bit since you used to play with him (may also depend on how much you played). For my own personal example, whenever I saw an ambulance after my father died, it bothered me, because I can still remember them taking him out of the house to the ambulance.

So I doubt anything in your daily life will change (he was fairly far away), no one will be sullen (since your family doesn't like him) and you may not have any events to serve as a reminder. That's why I don't think it will end up bothering you.
 
As mentioned earlier, crying is not necessarily a requisite ... I had a hard time crying when my brother died a while back ... but I think that was primarily due to shock ... it has hit me since, and hit me hard. And I love him unconditionally. Just don't disregard or bottle up those emotions, but let them flow at their own pace. I think that in a similar situation, I'd like to say I would like to see him one more time, but that is just my opinion.

🙁 Good luck.
 
I've experienced a lot of death... and it just depends on your relationship with the person as to how you'll react now, and later.

Don't feel bad for not crying... don't feel bad for not caring. Similarly, don't feel bad if you start crying and/or express emotion any other way. Everyone deals with things their own way.

My grandparents were the people that "raised" me. My real parents were there, but not really. I was 16 when my grandfather died -- he died suddenly, though he had Alzheimer's for years, and "wasn't really there." I didn't cry until his funeral... but broke down and started sobbing toward the end of the memorial service. My grandmother died when I was 18... she developed a form of fast acting cancer, and we knew it was coming, about a month before she died. There are very few things I regret in my life... not spending every minute of that month with her is one of those things. I still think about her frequently, and still miss her.

I'd probably miss my mom, if she died... and would be sad for a while. My dad.... eh, I'd most likely be glad he's finally gone. He's nothing more than a huge PITA. When his dad died, the entire extended family threw a pizza party to celebrate that he is dead. I can only think of one or two people that were not extremely happy when that old fart died (my dad being one of those people that wasn't happy). Everyone else was overjoyed.

The point to my rambling? Hell if I know. 😛

OK, everyone deals with death differently, and it always depends on the relationship that you had with the deceased. Don't feel bad about how you feel, no matter what feeling that is.
 
It may hit you later, it may not, it depends on just how bad of a father he was.

My dad's father was an alcoholic who would beat his own children and threaten his wife with a gun. She never had the sense or followthrough to sign the papers to have him arrested and put in jail.
My dad did confront him about actions of the past, but my grandfather denied everything - he probably couldn't remember with all the alcohol consumption, and the effects of old age. When he died, my dad just about said, "Good, it's about time." To this day, he still says that he doesn't miss his dad in the slightest. Given what I've heard, his death doesn't sound like much of a loss. He sounded like a pretty horrible person.
 
it'll probably hit you later.
my only remaining grandfather died a few years ago(the other one died before i was born or when i was really little). we were never close and i didn't really feel anything and i really didn't want to be in the hospital either. i don't know if i just don't like hospitals or what, but i just didn't want to be there.

after a few days i did go see him, he was in the ICU. I don't know if he was sleeping or was in a coma or what at the time, but he did not look like the man i knew. i stood there and looked at him for a few minutes then left. on the way home i just really started to cry and got really emotional.
 
sorry to hear this man, hopefully all will be well.

i wouldn't feel bad if I were you and you don't have feelings. some people deal with stuff differently. i personally haven't experienced the death of anyone that i've been that close to. my mom's mom and my dad's dad died w/in the past 2 years. i wasn't that close to either of them, and i didn't cry once when it happened. what actually made me sad was when I saw my mom and dad sad, and all of the other family at the funeral.

some people say it may hit you one day, but to this day, i still haven't cried over either of those deaths.
 
Took me over a year until my brothers death really hit me. I just broke down in the office. I couldn't move or do anything.
 
Well they are going to pull the plug. The doctor mentioned organ donation. They said they want to take his eyes. That's upsetting. I have no say in it but those are his eyes and no one should take them in my opinion. But the doctor said he is going to die whether they pull the plug or not. His potassium is going higher and higher and he would be dead within 2 days if they don't pull the plug. So they are going to load him up with morphine and remove everything and let him go.... I guess I figured he would wake up one day.
 
I think it might hit later... I remember when my best friend died, i got told and i was fine, a bit shocked but felt ok... Then about 5 minutes later it really hit me and i started crying... Its strange how it works like that

Sorry to hear this.
 
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