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All my friends think I'm a selfish jerk!

LostHiWay

LostHiWay

Golden Member
Okay here's the deal. I have a collection of about 600 DVD's...and it's my pride and joy. The problem is that after my friends see how many movies I have they assume that I'll be the new "Free" Blockbuster for them. In the past I've let friends borrow movies, but I've had people totally forget to to bring them back, scratch them (still playable, but I'm very picky about MY collection), or just take months to return them. So I now don't lend out movies to anyone.

Now just last night a friend came over and wanted to borrow a few movies....now this this is probably the only guy I know who would actually take care of my DVD's and return them, but I still said no. I just want to be fair with all my friends. He started going on a rant about how I must not be a real friend to not let him borrow a $20 movie and left.

So what do you guys think, am I being unreasonable?

 
Over period of time I've learned which of my friends are responsible with my stuff and which aren't. There's nothing wrong with letting some people borrow your stuff, while refusing the others.
 
well... if it's a good friend, someone you know and are really close to, then what's the biggie? i mean, it's a dvd for christ's sake...
 
Yea I have freinds that I will not trust with a blank cd-r, Some people just dont have respect for other peoples stuff. Ill let some of my freinds borrow stuff, the ones that can be trusted, while not letting the others. All though i only have 1 freind that respects my stuff, all the others screw it up :|
 
Originally posted by: slikmunks
well... if it's a good friend, someone you know and are really close to, then what's the biggie? i mean, it's a dvd for christ's sake...
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That's how most of my friends see it. But it's not JUST a DVD to me. It's a collection that I invest alot of time and money into.

 
Originally posted by: LostHiWay
Originally posted by: slikmunks
well... if it's a good friend, someone you know and are really close to, then what's the biggie? i mean, it's a dvd for christ's sake...
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That's how most of my friends see it. But it's not JUST a DVD to me. It's a collection that I invest alot of time and money into.
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very true... in your case, you have a point... with me i just have a bunch, and it's not really a collection to me, it's just a bunch of movies... so i guess it's just a difference of how much i value them to how much you value urs... considering ur time and money investment, you have every right to not lend them out... but rather than just straight up say no, why not give them a chance and be like, can you make sure you take care of it for me? it's something that makes a difference to me. I don't mind you borrowing it, just please take care of it and return it whe ur done. it comes off better that way... and if anything bad happens, you can always point back to that time and be like you don't take care of my stuff!
 
In my experience, there's always two sides to being called selfish.
Your friend is calling you selfish because you won't loan him a DVD.
But isn't he being equally selfish by expecting you to loan it to him, and refusing to buy it himself or just rent it for a measly $3?

I'm pretty stingy with my DVDs, too...I have a lot of anime series. If I loan you one disc and I never see it again, now I'm stuck with an 8 DVD set and one don't work.
OTOH, I don't want to loan you the whole thing because you might bust up the artbox or lose one of the liners....

Some things I don't care about and I'm willing to loan out freely without a second thought. Some things? He wouldn't loan you something he prizes, why should he expect you to do the same?
 
You are not being selfish. I only lend out stuff to people who will replace what the screw up. I also don't let anyone borrow collectible or out of print stuff.
 
LostHiWay,
I think your friends are giving you grief for you not letting them take advantage of you. If you don't want to share your movies, you don't have to. You're not obligated to share anything of yours, and I think they should be greatful that you even let them watch any of your DVD's.

nik
 
Charge them. Say $1 per day or something. Bring up how it's not fair that you spent all that money buying the DVD's in the first place and they should chip in. Then call them ungrateful jerks if they wont pay you.
 
Originally posted by: Brutuskend
Sometimes it's nice NOT having friends....
Ok to be truthfull I do have a few, but I'm working on that.. 😉
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so is LostHiWay it would seem.
 
Originally posted by: DAPUNISHER
Originally posted by: Brutuskend Sometimes it's nice NOT having friends.... Ok to be truthfull I do have a few, but I'm working on that.. 😉
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so is LostHiWay it would seem.
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If his friends are willing to dump his friendship for something as stupid as not letting anyone borrow DVD's per an abused and disrespected privilage, then he's better off without them anyway.

nik
 
I'm pretty stingy with my DVDs, too...I have a lot of anime series.
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Same here. Only one person I know is even allowed to touch my anime because it is so expensive and some hard to find.

You are allowed to do whatever you want with YOUR dvd collection. If they think you are a jerk for not letting them borrow a few movies then they are childish. Your friends should not be your friends for what you have or what they can use of yours.
 
I'm not sure if others here understand, but our opinion is not the point. The point is, it's HIS. which means he should do with the DVD's anyway he desires. whether or not that agrees with how we would have done it is TOTALLY IRRELEVANT. If your friends were true friends losthiway they would understand this.

don't let them try to pressure you into lending your dvd's out.
 
Originally posted by: yakko
You are not being selfish. I only lend out stuff to people who will replace what the screw up.
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^^^^

I rarely lend my stuff, I've had people not return stuff (I've even had people tell me they have given it back and then found it next time I've gone around...thieving little...). If it's someone you trust, then I see nothing wrong with letting them borrow it, but it's your collection so it's up to you. There's no way in hell I'd let ANYONE borrow my Freddie Mercury solo collection (all his work, was released 2 years ago for $100 and is a collectors item). *shrugs*
 
If this is a good friend, he should be able to drop it. Invite him, and whoever he wants to watch it with, over for a "movie night". They bring the popcorn and beer!!
 
Originally posted by: ffmcobalt
Originally posted by: DAPUNISHER
Originally posted by: Brutuskend Sometimes it's nice NOT having friends.... Ok to be truthfull I do have a few, but I'm working on that.. 😉
Click to expand...
so is LostHiWay it would seem.
Click to expand...

If his friends are willing to dump his friendship for something as stupid as not letting anyone borrow DVD's per an abused and disrespected privilage, then he's better off without them anyway.

nik
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The comment was meant in jest, I'm in a great mood today 🙂 However, perhaps the following observation will reflect the prudence of dealing with his friends individually instead of being intractable and potentially alienating "real" friends by failing to show the trust and faith real friends deserve and which is at the heart of any good relationship.
now this this is probably the only guy I know who would actually take care of my DVD's and return them, but I still said no. I just want to be fair with all my friends
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That comment indicates that he has never lent DVDs to this friend because he speculates that he would most likely be the only one who would be respectful in his usage and return. Yet he refuses to allow him to borrow any because some sorry excuses for friends did not do so. were I that friend I would be hurt by this lack of trust and intractable attitude towards me based on principle and having nothing to do with the DVDs themselves. I would respect his wishes and not rage and storm out but would inwardly begin to question wether he was worth being friends with if he could not trust me with his DVDs. IMO he should have extended trust to him and taken the chance of getting burned because they are friends and he deserves trust and respect until he shows otherwise.
 
You sound like a bit of a tight ass! But then I don't understand anybody who would blow that much money on dvds anyway 😉
 
Originally posted by: DAPUNISHER
The comment was meant in jest, I'm in a great mood today 🙂 However, perhaps the following observation will reflect the prudence of dealing with his friends individually instead of being intractable and potentially alienating "real" friends by failing to show the trust and faith real friends deserve and which is at the heart of any good relationship.
Click to expand...

Well... yes and no. I trust my friends, and I love them. But, if I buy the vintage Mustang that I'm looking at, there's no way in hell anyone but me is going to drive it, other than maybe letting two people that I have in mind drive it once to see what it's like. Same thing, here. They can't respect the fact that he likes his DVD's in pristine shape, so they lose the privilage of watching them. 🙂 I'm not going to take the chance.

nik
 
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