Adoption of siblings

Ulfwald

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May 27, 2000
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Wife and i are considering adopting 3 girls who are in foster care right now. We have seen a brief overview of their medical and psycological profile, and the only issue reported is light depression over the loss of their parents.

They are in Idaho, and we are in Georgia. Does anyone have experience with out of state adoptions, especially with those in state care?

What are some of the obstacles we may encounter?
We currently have a 2 year old son, and we do not think they are a danger to him.
How expensive could this get? I know private adoptions are very expensive, but what about those sponsored by the state?

Any other advice, comments, criticisms, stories, etc would be welcome here.


And the wife and i do have the room in the house, we have a 5 br, 3 bath home with just under an acre of land. so I think the space issue is worked out.

 

JohnAn2112

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May 8, 2003
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I would consider you and your wife heroes if you are able to keep the three sisters together in one family. :thumbsup:
 

DaveSimmons

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Aug 12, 2001
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That's a great thing to do, to let them grow up together instead of in different homes. Hopefully someone here can give you some good advice.
 

Geekbabe

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Oct 16, 1999
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www.theshoppinqueen.com
Imagine providing inpatient locked psych care down the road, multiply the stress caused by 3 emotionally screwed up teenage girls.Picture your own boy getting scrwed up and acting out because he's getting minimal time,attention and needed items due to the huge needs of this sibling group.

Your own child deserves the best chance possible.. I could see adopting 1 such child but consider what happens down the road if worst comes to worst ? Btw,social services usually sugar coats and minimizes the actual real problems these kids have.
 

Ulfwald

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That is why we are considering it. The OB/GYN says it is a small miracle my wife even conceived our son, mainly because of an underactive thyroid. Plus, I believe the girls need to stay together no matter what. We may be beginning the home study process shortly. Tonight is the night we sit down and make a final decision to either do it or not. Me, I want to do it because I feel like we could give these young ladies a loving, caring environment. Plus, if we can help them to keep their grades up, Georgia has the Lottery funded HOPE scholarship program.

 

Ulfwald

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The girls are 14, 8, and 9. So I can imagine I would be fending off boys for the next 10 years or so.
 

Stark

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Jun 16, 2000
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why/how did they lose their parents?

my boss adopted 2 sisters. one cost him a lot of money (ie liablility from her psycho behavior) and is now in a group home. The other one turned out ok.
 

Ulfwald

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Parents killed in a car crash, killed by a druken teen out drag racing.
 

AndrewR

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
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Our adoption process was much different than that, and we leave for China next week.

However, be honest about why you want to adopt these girls. Welcoming a 14 year old into your house is far different than bringing a toddler in, not to mention that there are two others in addition to the teenager! I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but I hope I'm reiterating the top concerns at least. :)

I hope for the best for you and your family -- that's a momentous decision.
 

kranky

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Oct 9, 1999
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I have friends who adopted two sisters but I think the parallels would end there. In your case the girls weren't in foster care because of a bad family situation (the birth mother was a crack addict who couldn't care for the kids).

Do you know why no other family members stepped up to take one or more of them in? There could be many good reasons why, but it would be good to know. Do you know enough about the girls and what their emotional/mental state is, and what kind of life they had prior to their parents' deaths? It could help anticipate what kind of culture shock they could be up against.

Is the 14-year-old going to be miserable because she'll be taken away from a boyfriend? Do the girls make friends easily? Did they have the same general lifestyle they would have in your home? Will they be able to do the same things they enjoy now, or not? Is there any way to determine how difficult it would be for them to accept you as parents? Will the girls see their new situation as "us vs. them"? Is there any way to have a trial run before a commitment is made?

I'm not trying to throw cold water on the idea, just passing on some of the things that my friends suggested when I talked to them about your thread.

In the case of my friends, they had three kids of their own and the two sisters they adopted became the youngest (ages 6 and 4). They had the sisters as foster children for a year before they went through the adoption process. It worked out well for them and they are very happy.
 

NeoV

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Apr 18, 2000
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14 year olds adapt pretty well.

I was adopted as a child.

I think you shouldn't make any decisions until you get a chance to meet these girls - their story may be a sad one, but I don't think anything anyone on here could tell you would be as important as you sitting down and talking to the girls....

good luck
 

desy

Diamond Member
Jan 13, 2000
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What an amazing thing.
Good on you!! :cool:

I wouldn't expect it to be easy, but sometimes worthwhile things aren't
 

bleeb

Lifer
Feb 3, 2000
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Originally posted by: ZePHyRaNTHeS
I would consider you and your wife heroes if you are able to keep the three sisters together in one family. :thumbsup:

yeah... i concur
 

Red Dawn

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Jun 4, 2001
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It will either be the greatest thing you've done in your life or the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life. To do great things one must take great risks.
 

Zysoclaplem

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Sep 26, 2003
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I'd find out as much as you can about their situation before their parents died.
Everything you can about their parents, and everything you can about their family history.
The oldest girl being 14 will be a problem, and that will rub off onto the younger girls.

 

Ulfwald

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May 27, 2000
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This is what we know so far:

About these Children
These energetic sisters are best pals most of the time. They take their cues from each other and enjoy many of the same activities and foods. Marlena has a passionate nature that matches her beautiful red hair, Emily is the "chatterbox" of the family, and "Lizzy" is the socialite who loves people?young and old alike.

Marlana Age: 14

Marlana is an active girl who seems much younger than her 14 years. She likes to read (especially Harry Potter books), play with animals and go camping with her family. Marlena also enjoys watching Dragon Tales and Sponge Bob Squarepants on television. Her other activities include swimming, Barbies, jumping on the trampoline and soccer.

Because Marlana's social and emotional development is a couple of years behind, she will need parents who will provide a rich environment filled with opportunities to learn and grow in these areas. Continued support with managing attention and hyperactivity as well as post-traumatic stress will be so important to her future. Her energy and enthusiasm for having a good time are strengths that will help her through occasional moody, intractable moments when the day is not going well for her. An individual educational plan (IEP) is also helping her with educational, emotional and social goals.

Marlana would do well with an older sister who is patient and has the desire to be a female role model. With empathy, example, and some of the extra privileges of being a teenager, Marlana will eventually grasp young adulthood with both hands.

Emily Age: 9

Emily is described by her sister as a "chatterbox," a trait she hopes to enhance with a like-minded sister in her adoptive family. Whether she finds that kindred spirit in a new sibling or a friend, Emily would like to share her love of playing with Barbie dolls, watching videos and Power Puff Girls. Camping, swimming and being around animals are outdoor interests this sociable girl could definitely pursue with her friends or siblings if given the dependable environment and lots of opportunities for fun.

Emily needs parents who know how to respond to the anxiety and nightmares that are part of post-traumatic stress and depression. Within a loving and supportive family that won't waver in commitment and reassurance, she can begin to find the reassurance that will support therapeutic goals.

Elizabeth ("Lizzy") Age: 8

Lizzy is a charming and social child who interacts easily with adults and children. She enjoys swimming, camping and playing with Barbies. She plays with Kindergarten Babies and watches the Lion King movie when she's not following her sisters' lead.

Lizzy's food tastes are similar to her sisters', especially macaroni and cheese. She also likes to munch on raw carrots and enjoys them cooked as well.

Because she learns and takes her cues from her Marlena and Emily, Lizzy's adoptive parents can use that to point out positive as well as less-desirable outcomes; i.e. "When you or your sisters sulk, do you get what you want? When you use your words to tell me what you need, we can find out how you can get it." Parents who teach with humor and acceptance would be the most successful with Lizzy and her sisters.

Because the girls have been through recent losses, they need adoptive parents who understand what it will take to rebuild trust--folks who teach values through example and let them know in many ways they will always be there for them, even when they sulk or tantrum. Their excitement with new experiences and family activities will be the big reward for a family that has the activity level and patience these girls need.



We have requested more information on these three girls. I know it would be tough, and we are not yet set on adopting them. My wife and I may have them down for a short time to see if they would settle in, or if they pose a challenge above and beyond what my wife and I could handle.