My wife recently found out that she has a very slim chance of being able to be pregnant. Now she's looking into adoption. It's very expensive, especially if you make a good amount of money. Just wondering if anyone has been through the process and what it was like.
Adoption: Foreign or Domestic
- Thread starter MustISO
- Start date
funboy6942
Lifer
- Nov 13, 2001
- 15,362
- 416
- 126
I heard it is super easy to adopt a foreign child and less paper work. kinda like showing up with wads of cash and your pick of the litter easy, I heard.
I haven't personally gone through it, but I have a close friend who has. It's a long difficult process and very expensive. It depends what you're looking for though. This might sound racist, but it's not. The reality is that if you're not particular about the race of the child you want to adopt, the process is greatly simplified. There are plenty of asian/african american/latin etc kids available, but if you want to adopt a white child it's more difficult and you'll probably have to look to Russia or one of the former USSR countries. Either that, or work with a girl/woman who is pregnant to adopt once the child is born. That's a dangerous route though, since the mother can change her mind any time.
go with foreign. last thing you want is someone knock on your door and ask for the kid back.
there are plenty of unwanted girls in chinese.
there are plenty of unwanted girls in chinese.
I Saw OJ
Diamond Member
- Dec 13, 2004
- 4,923
- 2
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Whats wrong with wanting to know who your biological parents are?
I was adopted when I was like 2 days old so I never knew my biological parents and its always kind of haunted me in the back of my mind. I plan on contacting the adoption agency who my parents went through to get me to try and track down my biological parents.
YOyoYOhowsDAjello
Moderator<br>A/V & Home Theater<br>Elite member
- Aug 6, 2001
- 31,205
- 45
- 91
there is a guy here (I think that it is AndrewR) who adopted a chinese girl, maybe you can ask him?
I recommend you to read this book called The Genius Factory. it is an interesting book. I guess you may get something out of it.
I Saw OJ
Diamond Member
- Dec 13, 2004
- 4,923
- 2
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How is it selfish in anyway at all? Want to meet them, to know what they look like, to know why they gave me up. I would have so many questions for them that my real parents in no way would have the answers to.
Its like a piece of myself that I have no idea about, and my biological parents could very well pass on, or become untraceable if I waited for some magical moment in life. No, im not being disloyal or dishonoring my real parents by wanting to find out questions about myself that they could never answer.
I'm white and my sister is Korean. I can't remember much of the process since it was 20 years ago and I was 10 at the time but it couldn't have been too expensive because my parents were fairly poor at the time.
I think it's a great thing to adopt! I do want to tell you one thing, though.. If you adopt a child from a different race (for example, if you're asian and you adopt a child from Africa), don't lie to them if they ask why mommy and daddy don't look like he does. They KNOW when they're being lied to.
My parents take in foster kids, and have adopted four kids from the foster care system. Two are white, two are black. Why adopt kids from another country when you can adopt someone who needs a home here? And if you go through the foster care system instead of through a private agency, it's cheap, if not free.
Because your profile says you're from Maryland, here's a link.
Because your profile says you're from Maryland, here's a link.
0roo0roo
No Lifer
- Sep 21, 2002
- 64,795
- 84
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it is a selfish wish on your part to create family disharmony. sure you may ask your parents, but its not something you should ask from them in the first place. if they love you of course theyll say yes, but thats not something you should put your real parents through if you really care about them. your biological parents tossed you off for whatever reason, curiosity about them is just frivolous and the only person that gains anything is you. adopted children like any children owe their parents more than this. i know its become "acceptable" in a way to look for your parents, but i think its mostly because it makes dramatic tv, not because its actually the right thing to do once you take its reprocussions into account.
I don't see anything wrong with wanting to find out more about your birth parents, and maybe even meeting them. All of my adopted brothers and sisters know that they were adopted-- we tell them they were chosen. They know we love them, and we know that they love us. My mom has saved information on all of their parents so that when they ask, they can get honest answers. Pretending that the adoption never happened isn't the way to go. It's natural to be curious about where you came from. As long as he doesn't break off contact with his adoptive parents to establish a connection with his birth parents, I really don't get what the problem is.
0roo0roo
No Lifer
- Sep 21, 2002
- 64,795
- 84
- 91
its just a small price to pay not knowing about your biological parents to keep your real parental bond untouched, to keep your parents from feeling unecessary pain to keep your duty and obligation as their child to respect what they have sacrificed for you, to simply respect their parental love for you. they raised you for 18~+ years after all. small price to pay to think about others before yourself. its a me me me culture these days.
Why is it more expensive to adopt if you make a high income??
That being said, adopting foreign children seems to the be hip and trendy thing now, so I guess you should go that route.
I agree but it's true. For example if you have a very low income, it's $7,000 to adopt a baby. If say you make 100,000, it's $18,000. The wealthy people are subsidizing the cost for the poorer people.
Thanks for the responses guys/girls. I would be fine with a child but my wife really wants a baby. Definitely a lot more expensive and complicated to go the baby route.
It's not that I wouldn't want a different race, I'm just concerned about the child feeling like they're different if they were asian and we're white. I don't know what that does to a child, maybe nothing.
Originally posted by: MustISO
Why is it more expensive to adopt if you make a high income??
That being said, adopting foreign children seems to the be hip and trendy thing now, so I guess you should go that route.
I agree but it's true. For example if you have a very low income, it's $7,000 to adopt a baby. If say you make 100,000, it's $18,000. The wealthy people are subsidizing the cost for the poorer people.
Thanks for the responses guys/girls. I would be fine with a child but my wife really wants a baby. Definitely a lot more expensive and complicated to go the baby route.
It's not that I wouldn't want a different race, I'm just concerned about the child feeling like they're different if they were asian and we're white. I don't know what that does to a child, maybe nothing.
If you go through your state's social services, they'll probably ask you what kind of child you're looking for, if you have a preference for race and if you'd mind taking a child with a disability. In Wisconsin, people get to look through a book of pictures of kids up for adoption, and there are a lot of babies whose parents' rights are terminated early on. It's worth looking into.
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