a relationship decision

[davee]

i'd like some input on a relationship problem,my partner and i have 2 young children ,we also are expecting another child ,she owns a house and so do i ,anyway we are always arguing and spending time apart .To cut a long story short we are under pressure financially and otherwise to make a quick decision to call it a day and sort out the maintenance or stay together in the same house ,she is prepared to keep it going ,i'd like the idea of keeping the family unit
and financially its easier but i dunno if it can work my heart kinda says no ,mainly due to financial circumstances we need to make a decision
now

 

[Geekbabe]

Why on earth would you appeal to a forum made up of mostly high school and college aged young people for help with such a decision? I'd consult a couple's counselor if I were you.

 

[acidvoodoo]

if you have 2 houses, sell one of them?

 

[amnesiac]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Why on earth would you appeal to a forum made up of mostly high school and college aged young people for help with such a decision? I'd consult a couple's counselor if I were you.

I was going to ask the same thing.
This is the LAST place I'd ask for this type of advice.
And that's a mighty big decision, especially with the lives of young'uns hanging in the balance; not something to be left up to popular vote./

 

[Kadarin]

I agree that a professional counselor is the way to go, but I'd like to chime in that trying to maintain a family unit when you and your partner are not compatible is not always the best thing to do.

 

[DoNotDisturb]

Originally posted by: acidvoodoo
if you have 2 houses, sell one of them?

why are you guys living apart in the first place if you have children?

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Why on earth would you appeal to a forum made up of mostly high school and college aged young people for help with such a decision? I'd consult a couple's counselor if I were you.

Damn straight, good words.

Of course, should we expect any less from Jean?

 

[davee]

im not asking for a vote im going to bed in about half an hour and just looking for a little feedback

 

[Grminalac]

Well, in all honesty the answers to these questions are never simple. Sometimes working through a problem will lead to happiness later in life. On the flip side of a coin working through the problems right now might still leave you unhappy and unfullfilled later in life. I suggest that you consider counseling, your S.O. as well. If both of you are willing then its probably doomed to work regardless. Remember that you do not have to seek help together in couples counseling, sometimes its better to just do it solo. It can be hard with children at home. However if you both are willing to go through counseling for the sake of each other and family then you are back on the track to a brighter future.

 

[LAUST]

Well if you 2 can meet up with this I'd say you are on a very good track.

 

[DoNotDisturb]

i see, they're divorced...

 

[davee]

we have been forced today to reach a decision and im thinking now

 

[Grminalac]

Well with another child on the way it might be best to sell one house and move in. Normally forsaking your own happiness for the family unit just postpones an inevitable divorce. In the case with your S.O. being currently pregnant it is your duty to step up and help someone you once cared for (and probably do) go through a very rough time in her life.

 

[davee]

like i said the problem has come into sharp focus today which is why im posting now her house is rented mine is mortgaged and i wanted a little feedback from young or old on a pressure decision

 

[davee]

Originally posted by: Grminalac
Well with another child on the way it might be best to sell one house and move in. Normally forsaking your own happiness for the family unit just postpones an inevitable divorce. In the case with your S.O. being currently pregnant it is your duty to step up and help someone you once cared for (and probably do) go through a very rough time in her life.

thats pretty much what im afraid of ,postponing the inevitable long term breakup ,

 

[Grminalac]

Well, it also sounds like you are heavily under stress.

Both of you no doubt; financial problems and 3 children probably both of you working. At the same time, some people do not get along. I'm not really one to get into giving help to anyone. I'm only 25, i'm in love myself with a woman that has all of a sudden become very depressed and has started paying a lot less attention to me. It depresses me to no end because i keep blaming myself. I know logically that its not another guy and whatnot however I cannot quit brooding over the situation. I am conisidering starting YAGt but I realize most of the replies on this page will just be pics and snide answers.
Regardless, it boils down to this. You have to do in life what makes you happy, and you have to be with another person that will allow you to complete those goals. Sometimes children, money, accidents can put a hold on these goals, but those issues are unavoidale. Those stresses will eventually work out. If your mate supports your behavior your fun activites your hobbies, your frends and gives you trust while doing so, then its a no brainer: stick around. If you are both unwilling then it might be time to throw in the hat. Be advised though calling it off and paying child support for 3 children will likely be expensive as hell.

 

[gopunk]

well, i think you should stop having children, above all else.

 

[davee]

Originally posted by: Grminalac
Well, it also sounds like you are heavily under stress.

Both of you no doubt; financial problems and 3 children probably both of you working. At the same time, some people do not get along. I'm not really one to get into giving help to anyone. I'm only 25, i'm in love myself with a woman that has all of a sudden become very depressed and has started paying a lot less attention to me. It depresses me to no end because i keep blaming myself. I know logically that its not another guy and whatnot however I cannot quit brooding over the situation. I am conisidering starting YAGt but I realize most of the replies on this page will just be pics and snide answers.
Regardless, it boils down to this. You have to do in life what makes you happy, and you have to be with another person that will allow you to complete those goals. Sometimes children, money, accidents can put a hold on these goals, but those issues are unavoidale. Those stresses will eventually work out. If your mate supports your behavior your fun activites your hobbies, your frends and gives you trust while doing so, then its a no brainer: stick around. If you are both unwilling then it might be time to throw in the hat. Be advised though calling it off and paying child support for 3 children will likely be expensive as hell.

thanks im gonna go to bed now

 

[dirtboy]

Originally posted by: davee
i'd like some input on a relationship problem,my partner and i have 2 young children ,we also are expecting another child ,she owns a house and so do i ,anyway we are always arguing and spending time apart .To cut a long story short we are under pressure financially and otherwise to make a quick decision to call it a day and sort out the maintenance or stay together in the same house ,she is prepared to keep it going ,i'd like the idea of keeping the family unit
and financially its easier but i dunno if it can work my heart kinda says no ,mainly due to financial circumstances we need to make a decision
now

Your heart says no, but your kid producing weiner says yes? You've got some issues with yourself. Suck it up, be a man and a father. Move under one roof and be a family unit, because you aren't one now.

 

[davee]

Originally posted by: dirtboy

Originally posted by: davee
i'd like some input on a relationship problem,my partner and i have 2 young children ,we also are expecting another child ,she owns a house and so do i ,anyway we are always arguing and spending time apart .To cut a long story short we are under pressure financially and otherwise to make a quick decision to call it a day and sort out the maintenance or stay together in the same house ,she is prepared to keep it going ,i'd like the idea of keeping the family unit
and financially its easier but i dunno if it can work my heart kinda says no ,mainly due to financial circumstances we need to make a decision
now

Your heart says no, but your kid producing weiner says yes? You've got some issues with yourself. Suck it up, be a man and a father. Move under one roof and be a family unit, because you aren't one now.

point taken

 

[gotsmack]

Instincts are always right. listen to them.

 

[melly]

geekbabe's right, most of these guys would not know 'mature' or 'commitment' if it bit them in the arse.

here's my take: the reason you're apart is because you two own separate houses. so don't blame it on the relationship. maybe it's time you stepped up to the plate (you as in the two of you), either sell your house and move in with her and give her money for half the house--so you both own it equally--and start living together as a family unit. or else you can have all of these 'what ifs' in your head and sabotage the relationship by never have given it a fighting chance.

 

[eakers]

listen to your heart.

 

[dawnbug]

Yeah, follow your gut.

 

[munruss]

Originally posted by: davee
i'd like some input on a relationship problem,my partner and i have 2 young children ,we also are expecting another child ,she owns a house and so do i ,anyway we are always arguing and spending time apart .To cut a long story short we are under pressure financially and otherwise to make a quick decision to call it a day and sort out the maintenance or stay together in the same house ,she is prepared to keep it going ,i'd like the idea of keeping the family unit
and financially its easier but i dunno if it can work my heart kinda says no ,mainly due to financial circumstances we need to make a decision
now

Rent out your house and move in with her. Do the right thing by being with her and the children.