A question of right or wrong

[zmatrix]

Here's the situation. Girl is a friend to a guy who is married. They all know each other and are friends. But girl works with guy and is a very close friend cuz they chat alot at work. Now the girl is open about hugs and touching and is openly affectionate, as a friend, to the guy. Girl has hung around the wifey too but knows that she is the jealous type and keeps a tight leash on the guy. This guy never really had a close female friend, let alone a close guy friend.

Now the question is:

Is it right for the girl friend to be huggin the dude from time to time, knowing that if the wifey ever found out that the wifey would be upset.

My friend, the girl, is in this situation and I told her that it is wrong to be doing such things. She told me that well if there are no feelings between the guy and her, then what have they got to hide. She told me that if the wife found out, then it would be the guy's deal, not hers. But I told her that out of respect for the wife, that she shouldn't be doing things like that because she is also friends with the wifey, and she knows, the wife is the jealous type.

Sorry for being long winded. What do you guys say? Is what my friend doing right or wrong?

EDIT: OK here's more, she says that she doesn't really hug often him in person. She "hugs" him mainly through instant messenger. I told her that's still wrong. But she doesn't see it. She says she does it because she cares about him like she cares about me. I still think it's wrong because he is married.

EDIT#2: Clarified on the huggin part. I left out often. But she does hug him in person.

 

[LordMaul]

Yes.

 

[Radiohead]

Um, I have good female friends & I never hug them unless on special occasions... but that's just me.

Sounds like she's just toying with the wife, knowing she can get mad about this easily.

 

[eakers]

i think that she shouldn't be affectionate with him out of respect for his wife.

 

[lilFajita]

i think that she is looking at this with respect to her position, instead of in regard to boundries in general. Ask you friend to think of something that would completely bother her, and then ask her what she would think of someone who openly violated it, regardless of their reasoning. Perhaps she will understand then.

your friend is wrong- what does she have against this guy's wife?

 

[Jfur]

Originally posted by: eakers
i think that she shouldn't be affectionate with him out of respect for his wife.

 

[Ketteringo]

Send her over here, Ill give her more huggin' than she can handle!

 

[zmatrix]

Hahaha, my friend is a very nice and gentle person. She doesn't have anything against the wife, I just think her logic is a bit off. And I was trying to explain this to her but she doesn't seem to understand. She said "Well I hug you too?" And my response was that well I am single and if I was married, I would probably refrain from doing so too.

 

[BooGiMaN]

i think the guy is equally at fault i mean he knows how his wife feels abotu it but lets ur freind do it anyway. Why does your freind get so touchy feely with him anyway?

 

[wolf papa]

so how comfortable is the husband with the physical attention? If he has not had a close female friend, he may get confused in the gray area between "friendly affectionate" and "something else"

 

[djs1w]

I'm so sick of drama queens. Tell your friend to stop being so damn selfish and have some respect for other people.

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: zmatrix
... knowing that if the wifey ever found out that the wifey would be upset.

that is your answer

why would a spouse do anything they know would upset their married partner?

bad juju

 

[StageLeft]

Out of respect for the guy, not the wife, she should not be doing it - because it puts him in an awkward situation.

OK here's more, she says that she doesn't really hug him in person. Mainly through instant messenger.

OK If that bugs the wife she has issues!

 

[Scarpozzi]

I think you need to stop being so jealous of your girl friend and ask her out.

 

[zmatrix]

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
I think you need to stop being so jealous of your girl friend and ask her out.

Hmmm, it may seem like that but I am interested in someone else at the moment. I've known my friend for over 10 years so it ain't jealousy.

 

It all boils down to trust.

 

[gopunk]

ok, lets get something straight... internet is not the same as real life. hugging someone through instant messenger? uh... that's not hugging.

 

[Colt45]

Originally posted by: gopunk
ok, lets get something straight... internet is not the same as real life. hugging someone through instant messenger? uh... that's not hugging.

ding ding ding!!

 

[johnjohn320]

I think it's none of your damn business and it's between your male friend and the female friend to work this out.

Second, I think you need stop saying "wifey."

 

[jyates]

Originally posted by: Colt45

Originally posted by: gopunk
ok, lets get something straight... internet is not the same as real life. hugging someone through instant messenger? uh... that's not hugging.

ding ding ding!!

It isn't "real life" hugging but it may still be "hugging" to a jealous wife.

Your friend needs to be aware that a little "hugging" on the internet can ignite a fuse to something
like mistrust or even a broken relationship and then she is going to say "I was just hugging him
on the net", but the damage will be real none the less.

And if the guy knows his wife doesn't like it he needs to be able to tell your friend to "STOP IT"
and end it right there also.

When it comes to relationships things start little and can get big real quick.

Word for her.....been there done that!

 

[Mill]

Originally posted by: gopunk
ok, lets get something straight... internet is not the same as real life. hugging someone through instant messenger? uh... that's not hugging.

Hugging over the internet... I have heard it all now. Please shoot me.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: jyates

Originally posted by: Colt45

Originally posted by: gopunk
ok, lets get something straight... internet is not the same as real life. hugging someone through instant messenger? uh... that's not hugging.

ding ding ding!!

It isn't "real life" hugging but it may still be "hugging" to a jealous wife.

Your friend needs to be aware that a little "hugging" on the internet can ignite a fuse to something
like mistrust or even a broken relationship and then she is going to say "I was just hugging him
on the net", but the damage will be real none the less.

And if the guy knows his wife doesn't like it he needs to be able to tell your friend to "STOP IT"
and end it right there also.

When it comes to relationships things start little and can get big real quick.

Word for her.....been there done that!

if the wife is jealous because of this "internet hugging", then:

a.) the wife is really way way way too jealous and he is probably better off without her neurotic ass

or

b.) there are much larger problems, and this is just the catalyst

 

[vtqanh]

Wait a minute, are we talking about real hugging or Internet hugging?
If it's real hugging. Tell her to consider her friendship with the guy. If she really thinks the guy at her close friend, she wouldn't want to guy to be in a difficult situation. Close friend always wants the best for his/her partner. If she wants the best for him. Keep the friendship, but stay away from the unnecessary hugging

 

[cavdraco]

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: jyates

Originally posted by: Colt45

Originally posted by: gopunk
ok, lets get something straight... internet is not the same as real life. hugging someone through instant messenger? uh... that's not hugging.

ding ding ding!!

It isn't "real life" hugging but it may still be "hugging" to a jealous wife.

Your friend needs to be aware that a little "hugging" on the internet can ignite a fuse to something
like mistrust or even a broken relationship and then she is going to say "I was just hugging him
on the net", but the damage will be real none the less.

And if the guy knows his wife doesn't like it he needs to be able to tell your friend to "STOP IT"
and end it right there also.

When it comes to relationships things start little and can get big real quick.

Word for her.....been there done that!

if the wife is jealous because of this "internet hugging", then:

a.) the wife is really way way way too jealous and he is probably better off without her neurotic ass

or

b.) there are much larger problems, and this is just the catalyst

ill have to agree with that
I hug my female friends all the time my wife doesnt mind
if your friends wife is that jealous there is a serious trust problem

 

[zmatrix]

Originally posted by: jyates

Originally posted by: Colt45

Originally posted by: gopunk
ok, lets get something straight... internet is not the same as real life. hugging someone through instant messenger? uh... that's not hugging.

ding ding ding!!

It isn't "real life" hugging but it may still be "hugging" to a jealous wife.

Your friend needs to be aware that a little "hugging" on the internet can ignite a fuse to something
like mistrust or even a broken relationship and then she is going to say "I was just hugging him
on the net", but the damage will be real none the less.

And if the guy knows his wife doesn't like it he needs to be able to tell your friend to "STOP IT"
and end it right there also.

When it comes to relationships things start little and can get big real quick.

Word for her.....been there done that!

Exactly.

Ok I clarified it. She does hug him in person as well as on IM. My bad for leaving out a word.

Regardless, my point is that the intention is still there and that I don't want my friend to get in "trouble" or cause problems for them because she seems oblivious.