A Question about Parents

[kassy]

A question on upbringing and parental influence :

1)Do you believe that your parents did a good job of raising you, if so, why ?

2)Perhaps you think you grew to be a productive member of society inspite of your upbringing, and if so, who was the biggest influence in your life that helped you on the way to normallity (if there is such a thing) ?

3)Or do you think you just stumbled through childhood on your own and hey presto, here you are....warts and all.

4)Or are you a 'Life without counselling would suck'...

5)My Parents are fxcked up individuals and how I manage any form of sanity is beyond me.

 

[toph99]

i'm #3

 

[Dually]

They guided me but I am not the type to be pushed and they knew that and lead me in sneaky ways.

 

[Scrapster]

My parents thought that all they had to do was feed me, give me shelter, and occasionally buy me clothes. Communication and teaching was way out of the question.

 

[linuxboy]

#1


They instilled a sense of ethics based on objective analysis of self and the outside world and helped me to develop social skill. They were always present when I fell down and pointed to the little tricks and ideas they learned by years of experience.

After my initial years, they left me alone to develop and trusted me - that's the most important thing. They also provided a very strong support unit by structuring our family so we would always value the relationships within our own little society and would work together for the good of the group. They were always willing to listen and at each stage of my development could relate to my trials. So they served as both authority and mentors; best friends and great enemies


wait. This answers the question of "what they did and how they did it". As for why, I think that one's simple: a parent gives everything for his/her child and provides love in every situation.

 

[Scrapster]

My parents are idiots. I would have been better off being raised by raccoons.

 

[Capn]

Raccoon boy attacks child, see full coverage at the 4:30 evening news on Fox!

 

[Isla]

Interesting question, Kassy!

My parents did a good job of raising me and my siblings...

They showed us unconditional love
They put our health and education high on their list of priorities
They treated us all equitably so that as adults, we are good friends.

Some of the mistakes they made:

They were totally naive to the way the world was changing around us and had no idea what their youngest children faced... this, I can improve on.

They put us above everything else, straining their own relationship... I can improve on this too... A weekend alone together at least 2xs a year is important.

They have nothing in common and are emotionally mismatched... and guess what? They have 4 kids who have struggled to some degree in relationships because we gravitate towards relationships of a similar nature. We all went for "opposites attract" kind of partnerships, with varying degrees of success. This, I can't improve on, but I can try to make my kids aware of what motivates us in relationships so that they will go into them with their eyes wide open.

 

[ATLien247]

#2, my wife was/is my savior.

 

[Axman]

well Im thankful that I made it this far (41 years) I think that my parents totally screwed me up , first they got divorced when I was about 4 and my mother remarried a real asshole , to make a long story short , I had to live with things like this... my bedroom was across the hall from my mom and stepfather and I would hear him phucking my mom night after night , I dont think that was to healthy for a 5 to 16 year old to hear (moved out when I was 16), I rebeled and started to play my albums at full volume with the door locked(so I wouldnt hear them) , things like that.
I did learn alot about life being on my own so early in life , I finished high school in NJ (I was raised on Long Island,NY) living with my real Father (a cool guy, but didnt really care about his 2 sons to much) after I finished high school I traveled around the U.S. and ended up back on Long Island married with 2 boys of my own. Now for the funny part after 12 years my wife left me with my 2 boys that are 6 and 12 just about the same age as my brother and me when my parents got divorced, go figure.
<end of venting>

 

[Scrapster]

Now for the funny part after 12 years my wife left me with my 2 boys that are 6 and 12 just about the same age as my brother and me when my parents got divorced, go figure.

That's an interesting observation.

 

[monk3y]

Definate #5. Been in boarding school ever since 6th grade. Never really knew my dad, my mom was always at work. I guess the only reason i've made it this far is because of the friends i've made and the teachers i've had.

 

[Isla]

Hey axman

I lived with my in-laws for one nightmarish year and you could hear my MIL howling like a banshee all through the house. The first time it was funny but then it really started to disturb me... and her 12 year old son was in the room across the hall, where it was the loudest. As my husband says, they are all 'damaged' from their upbringing but he is doing great considering what he went through.

Anyway, parents, please keep it down! Kids do NOT want to hear you having sex.

Thank you.

 

[Yeeny]

Well lets see. My father was a warm loving man, who always had time for a smile and a hug for us. He made me feel like a princess growing up, and was always proud of me, no matter how I stumbled. He was also a hard ass, but very fair, and would give me a chance to speak my mind before he kicked my ass. He taught me through example, what strength and endurance where. He had me, his first child, at at the age of 40, after thinking he would never be a father. He was diagnosed with polio at two, and lost the use of his legs. He became a diabetic at 40, and had problems with high blood pressure. But through it all, he never gave up, and never stopped smiling. (Except when we made him mad, and we were good at that. ) My dad is the person I respect most, even though he has been gone 13 years now. And what he taught me will always be with me until the day I die.

My mom, well, she loved me in her own way, and thats all I will say on that subject.

 

[purplehayes]

I'd just like to thank Axman and Isla for confirming one of my greatest fears: That my kids will hear my wife and I doing what husbands and wives do best. Now I'll never be able to do anything until ALL of the kids are out of the house. Thanks for the baggage--thanks a lot!

PH

 

[Axman]

ha ha dont worry just wait till there asleep and close the door ;-)

 

[Isla]

lol Purplehayes... there are ways to keep the sound to a minimum!

It's the what the heck is going on in there???? Is someone being murdered??? kinds of noises you want to avoid.

Moaning and groaning is fine, just don't scream...

edit: Like Axman said, a closed door and being discreet helps. Sometimes we say we are taking a nap, and we tell them to watch TV on the other side of the house. They know, they just don't share the moment with us!

 

[lowfatbaconboy]

uhhh im not sure how ive survived to 17 my dad should have at least killed me a couple times with his antics around the house. Such as sanding the rust off an old propane tank that wasn't empty to repaint it cuz 'the crazy bastards won't take it if its rusty' while Elemental007 and i were swimming. And the setting hte sponge on fire in the microwave. Urm the BOLTING the tree in the front yard back together using a winch(i think) to pull the other half up when the tree split in half down the trunk from ice.... And my mom she is a paranoid control freak....hrmmm

i think im #3 kinda learning stuff on my own not really taking after my parents...they try and teach me to work hard blah blah blah but lately in school i just kinda slack off on hw and such (still mantaining a decent GPA)

 

[SirFshAlot]

#1; My parents were/are good to me.

But, in spite of that, I did a lot of sh*t behind their backs.

 

[ace31216]

Number 5 for sure! My parents were born to nag.

 

[pulpp]

hmm...... i would probably fall in between 2 and 3

 

[Konig]

I guess I'm #2. Here's the story:

My parents grew up in the 60s and it shows, IMO. My Dad was raised by german imigrants who were strong catholics, but never there to raise him (they were crop-sharers) and my mother was raised in a non-practicing methodist &quot;broken home&quot; and her father beat her. They divorced when I was 7 and both remarried a year later just to get divorced a few after that. My mother had a new live-in boyfriend every year after that, but not lately. I think she has given up on men. My dad and I have been distant since the first divorce. My mom once told me that my dad told here he &quot;only had enough love in his heart for on child (my older sister).&quot; Over all, I have a better relationship with my mother (she's the hot-head/quick to judge and I am a lot like her). My father is very slow to anger and my sister is like him.

I was always forced to goto mass and Cadachism (sp?) by my dad. I always hated it. I never &quot;got&quot; catholocism. About the time I went to college my dad quit his job and went, too. His mother died and he fell in with the &quot;artsy crowd&quot; and now he's very liberal and anti-christian. At this same time I fell in love with my wife and became a evangellical christian.

I used to blame how I grew up on the divorce. I was a very difunctional child (probably a candidate for rydalin). Did I mention I was kicked out of cacholic school in the first grade and spent most of my grade school in the special-ed for anger management problems? looking back I remember how little attention I got as a child. My sister and I were never taught to work/play together. We actually hit each other on occasion.

I've spent a lot of years learning to forgive them for giving up on each other/us children/the marriage. I suppose the worst part is that I cannot even share my faith with them. My mother would never be a part of a church because of being kicked out the catholic church after the divorce and she feels church-goers look down on her for all the live-ins she has had. My father shuns anything chirstian because he's &quot;too intelligent&quot; for it now.

I turn to my in-laws in most parental situations. They have done a great job of raising a loving christian woman. If it were't for her I'd still be a very immature self-centered person (still working on that, actually). Together I think we're going to a great job of raising our children. The three things do that my parents didn't is PARTICIPATE in their lives, LISTEN to them, CORRECT them when the need it. These are the major areas where I feel my parents failed.

Sorry about the long post.

 

[Total Refected Power]

My parents did a good job raising me. They encouraged my interest in academics yet never pressured me to succeed. They afforded me every opportunity to have a well-balanced life either playing sports, taking school-sponsored trips or just joining the swim club in the summer. When I had a problem they were always there for us. Some of us needed more parental help than others but I always respected how hard they worked for us and with us. The greatest gift was the extraordinary trust they put in me. I was so honored by that I never felt the need to rebel. What a nasty trick!

They also showed incredible compassion for people. At one point our house had FIVE additional people living with us! A total of 11! A combination of hard-luck cousins and grandparents. It was a crazy time but the door was always open.

Today I no longer see them as authority figures but as friends. In fact they look to me for some advice and guidance on certain worldly matters and I am always there for them. They gave it all. I hope I do as well with my children someday.

 

[notfred]

Although I feel my parents did an OK (if not terrific) job of raising me, my dad is the most controlling, annoying, self-righteuos person in the world to be around. fsck you, dad!