• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

A friends' wife committed suicide

D1gger

D1gger

Diamond Member
A work acquaintance of mine was going through some marriage problems and he decided it was probably best to separate. Well, she took it very badly and decided to leave him a really nasty letter and kill herself last weekend. Now their kid (about 13 years old), is blaming him and is really angry.

I feel horrible for him and his daughter, but I am very uncomfortable with death by suicide. I find it hard to accept that someone would be so cruel to their family, and I find it hard to have any sympathy for his now dead wife.

I am going to the funeral Friday afternoon, but have no idea what to say to him or his daughter. Any suggestions beyond ? ?my deepest sympathy on your loss? ?

 
What else could you say? You're not family. Offer your condolences and move on, imo. Any other comments is likely going to be taken wrong coming from someone that's merely an acquaintance.
 
i would just offer condolences at the funeral. there really isnt anything that you can say or do for the guy if he's a work friend. a few weeks later, i would maybe invite him to dinner or something to help get his mind off of things.
 
🙁
rose.gif
 
Originally posted by: Descartes
What else could you say? You're not family. Offer your condolences and move on, imo. Any other comments is likely going to be taken wrong coming from someone that's merely an acquaintance.
Click to expand...
I second this...it's really the only thing you can do.
 
Originally posted by: Descartes
What else could you say? You're not family. Offer your condolences and move on, imo. Any other comments is likely going to be taken wrong coming from someone that's merely an acquaintance.
Click to expand...
I agree.

Also, don't offer general help. Don't say "If you need anything, I'll be there for you." They hear that from hundreds of people in a week and it becomes a hollow shell as no one follows through. Instead, if you want to do more than just condolences, be proactive. Find a need that is unfullfilled, and fill it. If the daughter needs a ride to school, show up at 8 am and give her a ride to school. If they don't have a cook (if the wife cooked), bring over a hot meal.
 
Originally posted by: dullard
Originally posted by: Descartes
What else could you say? You're not family. Offer your condolences and move on, imo. Any other comments is likely going to be taken wrong coming from someone that's merely an acquaintance.
Click to expand...
I agree.

Also, don't offer general help. Don't say "If you need anything, I'll be there for you." They hear that from hundreds of people in a week and it becomes a hollow shell as no one follows through. Instead, if you want to do more than just condolences, be proactive. Find a need that is unfullfilled, and fill it. If the daughter needs a ride to school, show up at 8 am and give her a ride to school. If they don't have a cook (if the wife cooked), bring over a hot meal.
Click to expand...

I vote Dullard for Elite... oh wait. Super Elite? Grand-po-bah?
Regardless, he speaks the truth on this one.
 
funerals are always awkward. express some short heartfelt sentiments, give the relatives a hug, and don't second guess yourself. it's all you can do.
 
Wow...she obviously had some mental issues far prior to this. I feel bad for the kid and also the fact that this child may blame him now. Tough situation.
 
Selfish people who choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem are deserving of the end result. I know it sounds cruel, but such is life.
 
For 3 1/2 years, I was in a relationship with a man whose wife blew her brains out after coming off prozac cold turkey.

She had been dead for 4 years when I met him. He had two kids who were 5 and 8 at the time of her death and were 8 and 12 1/2 when I met him.

Those kids were the most messed up, dysfunctional kids I had ever seen in my entire life.

They came from a very small southern town where everyone knew what had happened and used it as a crutch 'pity' the boys and ended up stunting their growth. The 8 yr old could not tell time, except for a digital watch, pour his own drinks and could barely read. The older one was really over weight , really withdrawn and had serious trust issues.

Try as I might, I could not convince him to take those boys for counseling. They are older now and from what I understand, STILL a mess.

Suicide is an awful thing. And while most ppl cannot find it within themselves to find forgiveness or sympathy for the person who left their family in such a fcked up way.... I can only say that in their eyes, they were not being selfish. They probably thought they were doing their loved ones a favor by killing themselves. The rest of us can only imagine the pain and hurt they must have felt to find death a preferable alternative.

If he is a good enough friend of yours, then you might want to suggest grief counseling for the kid. IT is hugely important.
 
On the topic of suggesting grief counseling - if you don't know how close they were, don't suggest it. I was forced to go through grief counseling with a crack pot counselor after my uncle died (I was 9 years old, and he was probably the closest male influence I had in my life), and that experience leads me to wish grief counseling were illegal. That said, if they truly need it, then I'd hope that counseling would do them more good than harm.

I've found myself in funeral homes many, many times. I've had a tremendous number of relatives die, for various reasons. If it's someone that I'm not terribly close to, I give the close relatives a hug, pretend I care, and move on. If, on the other hand, it's someone that I was close to or otherwise truly gave a crap about, I still hug them, ask them if there's anything I can help them with in the immediate future, offer to help them with their day-to-day life, etc... but I always follow through. I wouldn't offer if I weren't sincere.
 
Originally posted by: D1gger
A work acquaintance of mine was going through some marriage problems and he decided it was probably best to separate. Well, she took it very badly and decided to leave him a really nasty letter and kill herself last weekend. Now their kid (about 13 years old), is blaming him and is really angry.

I feel horrible for him and his daughter, but I am very uncomfortable with death by suicide. I find it hard to accept that someone would be so cruel to their family, and I find it hard to have any sympathy for his now dead wife.

I am going to the funeral Friday afternoon, but have no idea what to say to him or his daughter. Any suggestions beyond ? ?my deepest sympathy on your loss? ?
Click to expand...

Shake his hand, and nod your head solemnly. :brokenheart:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

Back
Top