A Deep Thought by Jack Handy

[Metalloid]

Once, when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He started telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then, the story was over, and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn't too long after all." I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.

 

[anxi80]

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

 

[MacBaine]

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat." It's a fake baby duck,
which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until
you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the
sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those
ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

 

[geno]

have fun

Random Deep Thoughts

 

[Balt]

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

 

[RabidMongoose]

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

 

[bradruth]

I love those.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: bradruth
I love those.

you suck at teh deep thoughts.

 

[Ladies Man]

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

 

[NuclearNed]

Dad always said laughter was the best medicine. I guess that's why so many of us died.

 

[bradruth]

Originally posted by: thirtythree

Originally posted by: bradruth
I love those.

you suck at teh deep thoughts.

Well I *could* have found a random one and pasted it, but I'd rather express my love for teh Handy.

 

[bradruth]

Here's one for ya...

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: bradruth

Originally posted by: thirtythree

Originally posted by: bradruth
I love those.

you suck at teh deep thoughts.

Well I *could* have found a random one and pasted it, but I'd rather express my love for teh Handy.

 

[geno]

Originally posted by: bradruth

Originally posted by: thirtythree

Originally posted by: bradruth
I love those.

you suck at teh deep thoughts.

Well I *could* have found a random one and pasted it, but I'd rather express my love for teh Handy.

It's Handey, note the E, you don't love him enough.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: bradruth
Here's one for ya...

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

hah! much better.

 

[bradruth]

Originally posted by: geno

Originally posted by: bradruth

Originally posted by: thirtythree

Originally posted by: bradruth
I love those.

you suck at teh deep thoughts.

Well I *could* have found a random one and pasted it, but I'd rather express my love for teh Handy.

It's Handey, note the E, you don't love him enough.

*suicide*

 

[Mloot]

I think it's sad that families can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

 

[geno]

Originally posted by: bradruth
*suicide*

LOL

 

[kranky]

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

 

[eakers]

i'd rather be rich than stupid.

 

[yllus]

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fsck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.