A Conservatives view of United States History

[HomerJS]

Quite enlightening. Also explains a lot.
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blo...story-of-the-united-states.html#ixzz26w4xdFuw

1500s: The American Revolutionary War begins: “The reason we fought the revolution in the sixteenth century was to get away from that kind of onerous crown.”—Rick Perry
1607: First welfare state collapses: “Jamestown colony, when it was first founded as a socialist venture, dang near failed with everybody dead and dying in the snow.”—Dick Armey
1619-1808: Africans set sail for America in search of freedom: “Other than Native Americans, who were here, all of us have the same story.”—Michele Bachmann
1775: Paul Revere “warned the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.”—Sarah Palin.
1775: New Hampshire starts the American Revolution: “What I love about New Hampshire… You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world.”—Michele Bachmann
1776: The Founding Synod signs the Declaration of Independence: “…those fifty-six brave people, most of whom, by the way, were clergymen.”—Mike Huckabee
1787: Slavery is banned in the Constitution: “We also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”—Michele Bachmann
1801: “Thomas Jefferson creates the Marines for the Islamic pirates that were happening.”—Glenn Beck
1812: The American War for Independence ends: “ ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’…that song—written during the battle in the War of 1812—commemorates the sacrifice that won our liberty.”—Mitt Romney
1861: Civil War breaks out over pitting “individual rights as proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence against collective rights.”—The Weekly Standard
1862: African-Americans join the Confederate Army to defend slavery: “You’ll find blacks in almost every regiment throughout the South, who fought right alongside white Southerners… And in almost every case, it was a voluntary decision that the freed blacks made.”—Ray McBerry
1908: The real Pledge of Allegiance is written: “I pledge allegiance to the Christian flag, and to the Savior, for whose Kingdom it stands, one Savior, crucified, risen, and coming again, with life and liberty for all who believe.”—Dan Quayle
1916: Planned Parenthood opens genocide clinics: “When Margaret Sanger—check my history—started Planned Parenthood, the objective was to put these centers in primarily black communities so they could help kill black babies before they came into the world.”—Herman Cain
1950: Senator Joseph McCarthy saves America from Communism: “Joe McCarthy was a great American hero.”—Representative Steve King
1961: Barack Obama is born, in Africa: “And one thing that I do know is his having grown up in Kenya.”—Mike Huckabee
1961: The Soviet Union brainwashes its first Marxist terrorist spybot: “Soviet Russian Communists knew of Barack from a very early date… he was raised and groomed Communist to pave the way for their future.”—Janet Porter
1963: G.O.P. clergyman delivers his famous “I have a dream” speech: “It should come as no surprise that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., was a Republican.”—Human Events blog
1964: Republicans fight for the Civil Rights Act: “We were the people who passed the civil-rights bills back in the sixties without very much help from our colleagues across the aisle.”—Representative Virginia Foxx
1967: Indonesia brainwashes its first Islamic terrorist spybot: “Why didn’t anybody ever mention that that man right there was raised—spent the first decade of his life, raised by his Muslim father—as a Muslim and was educated in a Madrassa?”—Steve Doocy
1967: Max Cleland blows himself up with a grenade trying to drink beer: “Cleland lost three limbs in an accident during a routine noncombat mission where he was about to drink beer with friends.”—Ann Coulter
1967: John Kerry likely shoots himself in the leg in order to score a Purple Heart medal: “There are legitimate questions about whether or not… it was a self-inflicted wound.”—Michelle Malkin
1968: George W. Bush bravely joins the National Guard: “This was not an endeavor without risk.”—Bob Harmon
July 20, 1969: Neil Armstrong makes a historic utterance: “The first word spoken from the moon was ‘Houston.’ ”—Rick Perry
1977: America’s capital is briefly moved to Lancaster, Pennsylvania.—Dan Quayle
1993: Barack Obama appears in the hip-hop video “Whoomp! There It Is!”: “Pay close attention to his ears poking out, the shape of his nose, and skin color.”—Tennessee Sons of Liberty
1993: Hillary Clinton claims her first kill, Vincent Foster—Jerry Falwell video
1994: Bill Clinton tops Hillary with twenty-four murders: these people died “under other than natural circumstances.”— Representative William Dannemeyer.
1998: Actually, the Clinton murders number forty people: “There was talk that this would be another body to add to the list of forty bodies or something that were associated with the Clinton Administration.”—Linda Tripp.
1998: Update: Clinton murders eighty people: “In recent months, a list of more than 80 deaths associated directly or indirectly with Clinton has been the buzz of the new media.”—Joseph Farah
1999: Global cooling begins: “For the last decade the climate has been cooling.”—Mary Matalin
September 11, 2001: Nothing happened: “We had no domestic attacks under Bush.”—Rudy Giuliani
May 1, 2003: The war in Iraq is won: “Mission Accomplished”—White House banner
May, 2004: Abu Ghraib pranksters pull some funny ones: “This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation … I’m talking about people having a good time, these people, you ever heard of emotional release?”—Rush Limbaugh
2006: The Rapture of Jesus Christ débuts: “We are in the last days.”—Michele Bachmann
2006: W.M.D. discovered: “We have found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.”—Rick Santorum
2009: The Department of Veteran Affairs institutes new cost-cutting policy: they have “a manual out there telling our veterans… to commit suicide.”—Michael Steele
2009: The $3,128 light switch tax begins: “…a series of new taxes, including a light switch tax that would cost every American household $3,128 a year.”—House Republican Conference
2009: Obama strikes traditional motto from America’s coins: “ ‘In God We Trust’ is Gone!”—Patriot Action Network
2009: Michigan diversifies its legal system: “The judges in Dearborn are using, and allowing to be used, Shariah law.”—Representative Leo Berman
2009: Democrats give preferential treatment to their base: The federal Hate Crime law would create “special protection for pedophiles.”—Representative Steve King
2010: Flying Jihad Terror Babies invade America: “It appeared they would have young women who became pregnant. They would get them into the United States to have a baby, they wouldn’t even have to pay anything for the baby, and then they would return back where they could be raised and coddled as future terrorists.”—Representative Louie Gohmert
2010: Drug dealers invade America: “Mexican drug cartels have seized control of at least two American ranches inside the U.S. territory near Laredo, Texas.”—Kimberly Dvorak
2010: And form a beachhead in Arizona: “Our law-enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert, either buried or just lying out there, that have been beheaded.”—Governor Jan Brewer
2011: Radiation cures cancer: “There is a growing body of evidence that radiation in excess of what the government says are the minimum amounts you should be exposed to are actually good for you and reduce cases of cancer.”—Ann Coulter
2011: Fluorescent bulbs cause epilepsy: “…broken C.F.L. bulbs allegedly cause migraines and epilepsy attacks.”—Phyllis Schlafly
2011: Windmills cause epilepsy: “The health risk of ‘flicker’ impact created by shadows of blades of turbines poses real and significant health risks, particularly seizures.”—Laurence Ehrhardt
2011: Arabic is declared America’s second language: “Some of our state’s educational administrators joined the feds in seeking to mandate Arabic classes for Texas children.”—Chuck Norris
2011: Obama outlaws fishing: people “can’t go fishing anymore because of Obama.”—Rush Limbaugh
2011: Obama provides health insurance for dogs: “In the health care bill, we’re now offering insurance for dogs.”—Glenn Beck
2011: President George W. Bush kills Osama bin Laden: “Thanks to George Bush…. Because if Obama had his way we wouldn’t have gotten bin Laden, you know that.”—Sean Hannity

 

[dank69]

 

[Matt1970]

I want to play:

1. Sheryl Crow on Environmentalism: "I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.'"

2. Joe Biden on culturalism: "In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7/11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking."

3. Whoopi Goldberg on 43-year-old Roman Polanski raping and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl: "I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and and [sic] when they let him out he was like "You know what this guy's going to give me a hundred years in jail I'm not staying, so that's why he left."

4. Joy Behar on Economics: "Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?"

5. John Conyers on the Health Care Bill, which he voted for: "I love these members, they get up and say, ‘Read the bill ... What good is reading the bill if it's a thousand pages and you don't have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you read the bill?'"

6. Former DNC Chairman Donald Fowler on possible delay of RNC convention due to Hurricane Gustav: "Plus they think the hurricane's going to hit (starts laughing) New Orleans about the time they start. The timing, at least it appears now, that it'll be there Monday. That just demonstrates God's on our side"

7. Barack Obama: "I've now been in 57 states? I think one left to go?"

8. John Kerry on the troops: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

9. Howard Dean: "We know that no one person can succeed unless everybody else succeeds."

10. Rosie O'Donnell: "Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers."

11. Al Gore: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."

12. Congressman Hank Johnson on Guam: "My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize,"

13. Alan Grayson on Health Care: "The Republican health care plan: don't get sick ... The Republicans have a back up plan in case you do get sick ... This is what the Republicans want you to do. If you get sick America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly!"

14. Nancy Pelosi on the economy: "every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs."

15. Helen Thomas: Jews should "get the hell out of Palestine" and "go home" to Germany and Poland.

16. Wanda Sykes: "I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight ... Rush Limbaugh -- I hope the country fails. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs."

17. Bill Clinton on ordinary Americans: "African Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans do."

18. Barack Obama on a tornado that killed twelve people: "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died - an entire town destroyed"

19. Harry Reid on Iraq: "This war is lost and the surge is not accomplishing anything."

20. Kanye West: "George Bush doesn't care about black people."

21. Joe Biden on the economy: "The number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S."

22. Bill Maher on Christianity: "I think religion is a neurological disorder.

23. Joe Biden on History: "When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened."

24. Ted Rall: "Over time, however, the endless war in Iraq began to play a role in natural selection. Only idiots signed up; only idiots died. Back home, the average I.Q. soared."

25. Michael Moore on terrorism: "There is no terrorist threat. Yes, there have been horrific acts of terrorism and, yes, there will be acts of terrorism again. But that doesn't mean that there's some kind of massive terrorist threat."

26. Henry Waxman on Environmentalism: "We're seeing the reality of a lot of the North Pole starting to evaporate, and we could get to a tipping point. Because if it evaporates to a certain point - they have lanes now where ships can go that couldn't ever sail through before. And if it gets to a point where it evaporates too much, there's a lot of tundra that's being held down by that ice cap."

27. Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, DC: "If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."

28. California Senator Barbara Boxer: "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."

29. Wesley Bolin, former governor of Arizona: "We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles."

30. Senator Chris Dodd, while on the campaign trail: "Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again" Sen. Chris Dodd, on the campaign trail.

31. Melissa Lafsky, Huffington Post blogger: "[Mary Jo] would have thought about arguably being a catalyst for the most successful Senate career in history ... Who knows -- maybe she'd feel it was worth it."

32. Joe Biden on the passage of the Health Care Bill: "This is a big f...ing deal!"


33. Bill Clinton: "It all depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is' is."

34. Jerry Brown, former governor of California, and current candidate for the same position: "The conventional viewpoint says we need a jobs program and we need to cut welfare. Just the opposite! We need more welfare and fewer jobs."

35. Democratic Convention producer Don Mischer, overheard on CNN having an apoplectic seizure when the balloons failed to drop from the ceiling of the Fleet Center in Boston: "Go, balloons. I don't see anything happening. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Stand by, confetti. Keep coming, balloons. More balloons. Bring them. Balloons, balloons, balloons! More balloons. Tons of them. Bring them down. Let them all come. No confetti. No confetti yet. No confetti. All right. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. We're getting more balloons. All balloons. All balloons should be going. Come on, guys! Let's move it. Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go. Go, confetti. Go, confetti. Go, confetti. I want more balloons. What's happening to the balloons? We need more balloons. We need all of them coming down. Go, balloons. Balloons. What's happening balloons? There's not enough coming down. All balloons! Why the hell is nothing falling? What the f--- are you guys doing up there? We want more balloons coming down. More balloons. More balloons."

36. Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, DC: "I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."

37. Bill Clinton: "I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her."

38. Joe Biden, on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is, in fact, still alive: "His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she's- wait- your mom's still- your mom's still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul."

39. Al Gore on zoology: "A zebra does not change its spots."

40. Rod Blagojevich, former governor of IL: "I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up."

41. Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz on the newly passed health care law: "We actually have not required in this law that you carry health insurance."

42. Congressman John Dingell on freedom: "The harsh fact of the matter is when you're passing legislation that will cover 300 million American people in different ways, it takes a long time to do the necessary administrative steps that have to be taken to put the legislation together to control the people."

43. Former Congressman Eric Massa: "Now, they're saying I groped a male staffer. Yes, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn't breathe and four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday."

44. Congressman Charlie Rangel on our troops: "If a young fella has an option of having a decent career or joining the army to fight in Iraq, you can bet your life that he would not be in Iraq."

45. Radio personality Ed Schultz on elections: "If I lived in Massachusetts, I'd try to vote ten times ... Yeah that's right, I'd cheat to keep these bastards out. I would. Because that's exactly what they are."

46. John Kerry on health care: "I'm going to be honest with you -- I don't know a lot about Cuba's healthcare system. Is it a government-run system?"

47. Congresswoman Maxine Waters on socialism: "Guess what this liberal would be all about? This liberal will be about socializing...uh, um...Would be about, basically, taking over, and the government running all of your companies."

48. Senator Harry Reid on Barack Obama: "...light-skinned," and with "no negro dialect."

48. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano on national security, after a man attempted to blow up a commercial airplane with a bomb in his panties: "The system worked."

49. Nancy Pelosi on legislation: "But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it."

50. Joe Biden to Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham, who is wheelchair bound: "stand up ... Chuck, stand up, Chuck, let 'em see you!"

 

[Jhhnn]

Link that, Matt1970.

 

[Smoblikat]

Oh god...............make it all stop.

 

[monovillage]

I want to play:

1. Sheryl Crow on Environmentalism: "I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.'"

2. Joe Biden on culturalism: "In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7/11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking."

3. Whoopi Goldberg on 43-year-old Roman Polanski raping and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl: "I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and and [sic] when they let him out he was like "You know what this guy's going to give me a hundred years in jail I'm not staying, so that's why he left."

4. Joy Behar on Economics: "Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?"

5. John Conyers on the Health Care Bill, which he voted for: "I love these members, they get up and say, ‘Read the bill ... What good is reading the bill if it's a thousand pages and you don't have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you read the bill?'"

6. Former DNC Chairman Donald Fowler on possible delay of RNC convention due to Hurricane Gustav: "Plus they think the hurricane's going to hit (starts laughing) New Orleans about the time they start. The timing, at least it appears now, that it'll be there Monday. That just demonstrates God's on our side"

7. Barack Obama: "I've now been in 57 states? I think one left to go?"

8. John Kerry on the troops: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

9. Howard Dean: "We know that no one person can succeed unless everybody else succeeds."

10. Rosie O'Donnell: "Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers."

11. Al Gore: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."

12. Congressman Hank Johnson on Guam: "My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize,"

13. Alan Grayson on Health Care: "The Republican health care plan: don't get sick ... The Republicans have a back up plan in case you do get sick ... This is what the Republicans want you to do. If you get sick America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly!"

14. Nancy Pelosi on the economy: "every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs."

15. Helen Thomas: Jews should "get the hell out of Palestine" and "go home" to Germany and Poland.

16. Wanda Sykes: "I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight ... Rush Limbaugh -- I hope the country fails. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs."

17. Bill Clinton on ordinary Americans: "African Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans do."

18. Barack Obama on a tornado that killed twelve people: "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died - an entire town destroyed"

19. Harry Reid on Iraq: "This war is lost and the surge is not accomplishing anything."

20. Kanye West: "George Bush doesn't care about black people."

21. Joe Biden on the economy: "The number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S."

22. Bill Maher on Christianity: "I think religion is a neurological disorder.

23. Joe Biden on History: "When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened."

24. Ted Rall: "Over time, however, the endless war in Iraq began to play a role in natural selection. Only idiots signed up; only idiots died. Back home, the average I.Q. soared."

25. Michael Moore on terrorism: "There is no terrorist threat. Yes, there have been horrific acts of terrorism and, yes, there will be acts of terrorism again. But that doesn't mean that there's some kind of massive terrorist threat."

26. Henry Waxman on Environmentalism: "We're seeing the reality of a lot of the North Pole starting to evaporate, and we could get to a tipping point. Because if it evaporates to a certain point - they have lanes now where ships can go that couldn't ever sail through before. And if it gets to a point where it evaporates too much, there's a lot of tundra that's being held down by that ice cap."

27. Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, DC: "If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."

28. California Senator Barbara Boxer: "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."

29. Wesley Bolin, former governor of Arizona: "We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles."

30. Senator Chris Dodd, while on the campaign trail: "Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again" Sen. Chris Dodd, on the campaign trail.

31. Melissa Lafsky, Huffington Post blogger: "[Mary Jo] would have thought about arguably being a catalyst for the most successful Senate career in history ... Who knows -- maybe she'd feel it was worth it."

32. Joe Biden on the passage of the Health Care Bill: "This is a big f...ing deal!"


33. Bill Clinton: "It all depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is' is."

34. Jerry Brown, former governor of California, and current candidate for the same position: "The conventional viewpoint says we need a jobs program and we need to cut welfare. Just the opposite! We need more welfare and fewer jobs."

35. Democratic Convention producer Don Mischer, overheard on CNN having an apoplectic seizure when the balloons failed to drop from the ceiling of the Fleet Center in Boston: "Go, balloons. I don't see anything happening. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Stand by, confetti. Keep coming, balloons. More balloons. Bring them. Balloons, balloons, balloons! More balloons. Tons of them. Bring them down. Let them all come. No confetti. No confetti yet. No confetti. All right. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. We're getting more balloons. All balloons. All balloons should be going. Come on, guys! Let's move it. Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go. Go, confetti. Go, confetti. Go, confetti. I want more balloons. What's happening to the balloons? We need more balloons. We need all of them coming down. Go, balloons. Balloons. What's happening balloons? There's not enough coming down. All balloons! Why the hell is nothing falling? What the f--- are you guys doing up there? We want more balloons coming down. More balloons. More balloons."

36. Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, DC: "I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."

37. Bill Clinton: "I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her."

38. Joe Biden, on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is, in fact, still alive: "His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she's- wait- your mom's still- your mom's still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul."

39. Al Gore on zoology: "A zebra does not change its spots."

40. Rod Blagojevich, former governor of IL: "I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up."

41. Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz on the newly passed health care law: "We actually have not required in this law that you carry health insurance."

42. Congressman John Dingell on freedom: "The harsh fact of the matter is when you're passing legislation that will cover 300 million American people in different ways, it takes a long time to do the necessary administrative steps that have to be taken to put the legislation together to control the people."

43. Former Congressman Eric Massa: "Now, they're saying I groped a male staffer. Yes, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn't breathe and four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday."

44. Congressman Charlie Rangel on our troops: "If a young fella has an option of having a decent career or joining the army to fight in Iraq, you can bet your life that he would not be in Iraq."

45. Radio personality Ed Schultz on elections: "If I lived in Massachusetts, I'd try to vote ten times ... Yeah that's right, I'd cheat to keep these bastards out. I would. Because that's exactly what they are."

46. John Kerry on health care: "I'm going to be honest with you -- I don't know a lot about Cuba's healthcare system. Is it a government-run system?"

47. Congresswoman Maxine Waters on socialism: "Guess what this liberal would be all about? This liberal will be about socializing...uh, um...Would be about, basically, taking over, and the government running all of your companies."

48. Senator Harry Reid on Barack Obama: "...light-skinned," and with "no negro dialect."

48. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano on national security, after a man attempted to blow up a commercial airplane with a bomb in his panties: "The system worked."

49. Nancy Pelosi on legislation: "But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it."

50. Joe Biden to Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham, who is wheelchair bound: "stand up ... Chuck, stand up, Chuck, let 'em see you!"

Lol, and BTW Homer, the actual title of the story is "A Conservative History of the United States"

 

[Matt1970]

Link that, Matt1970.

Link This

 

[PokerGuy]

Nice post Matt1970, zing and thread backfire

 

[soulcougher73]

Link This

Hard to link email chain spam huh?

 

[Matt1970]

Hard to link email chain spam huh?

Umm, no

 

[ichy]

OMG, there are idiots on both sides (and the biggest idiots are the ones with the most strident left or right wing views). Stop the presses!

 

[Emos]

Battle of the Cherry Pickers!

 

[Todd33]

22. Bill Maher on Christianity: "I think religion is a neurological disorder.

I love that, why is it on a list that is somehow supposed to be related to the OT though?

 

[Atreus21]

This is probably proof of nothing other than that I've been successfully trolled, but WTH.

1787: Slavery is banned in the Constitution: “We also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”—Michele Bachmann

This one is not actually as off as some people may think, although the year is wrong. There was initially a clause in the Declaration of Independence that condemned slavery which drew strong rebukes from the South, and provoked a bitter fight. It would've sunk the passage of the DOI if not for that clause's removal.

1812: The American War for Independence ends: “ ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’…that song—written during the battle in the War of 1812—commemorates the sacrifice that won our liberty.”—Mitt Romney

The song was written in 1814 after Francis Scott key witnessed the "bombardment of Fort McHenry by the British Royal Navy ships in Chesapeake Bay during the Battle of Fort McHenry in the War of 1812."

1916: Planned Parenthood opens genocide clinics: “When Margaret Sanger—check my history—started Planned Parenthood, the objective was to put these centers in primarily black communities so they could help kill black babies before they came into the world.”—Herman Cain

This is true. Margaret Sanger was a true believer in eugenics.

1961: The Soviet Union brainwashes its first Marxist terrorist spybot: “Soviet Russian Communists knew of Barack from a very early date… he was raised and groomed Communist to pave the way for their future.”—Janet Porter

Who the H is Janet Porter?

1964: Republicans fight for the Civil Rights Act: “We were the people who passed the civil-rights bills back in the sixties without very much help from our colleagues across the aisle.”—Representative Virginia Foxx

The Civil Rights Act of 1964 had better support among republicans than by democrats.

By party

The original House version:
Democratic Party: 152–96 (61–39%)
Republican Party: 138–34 (80–20%)

Cloture in the Senate:
Democratic Party: 44–23 (66–34%)
Republican Party: 27–6 (82–18%)

The Senate version:
Democratic Party: 46–21 (69–31%)
Republican Party: 27–6 (82–18%)

The Senate version, voted on by the House:
Democratic Party: 153–91 (63–37%)
Republican Party: 136–35 (80–20%)

1968: George W. Bush bravely joins the National Guard: “This was not an endeavor without risk.”—Bob Harmon

Don't see the big deal here.

September 11, 2001: Nothing happened: “We had no domestic attacks under Bush.”—Rudy Giuliani

Considering that Rudy Giuliani was the mayor of NYC at that time, I'm going to give him t he benefit of the doubt on this one, or he is being misunderstood.

2010: And form a beachhead in Arizona: “Our law-enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert, either buried or just lying out there, that have been beheaded.”—Governor Jan Brewer

How is what Brewer said indicative that cartels have established a beachhead in AZ?

2011: President George W. Bush kills Osama bin Laden: “Thanks to George Bush…. Because if Obama had his way we wouldn’t have gotten bin Laden, you know that.”—Sean Hannity

That is likely true. Obama got the guy. Good for him. Bush helped.

 

[woolfe9999]

Some valid points Atreus, and some not so valid.

The Romney quote about the Star Spangled Banner is technically inaccurate, but it's inaccuracy is pretty minor and not worth inclusion on a list of embarrassing quotes.

Cain's remark about Sanger contains an element of truth. She, like many people of that time, was on record as supporting eugenics. However, I wouldn't describe the quote as accurate in that it implies that eugenics was the singular purpose of Planned Parenthood. There's plenty of historical evidence to the contrary.

The statement about the Civil Rights bill is not accurate. It was sponsored by a dem President, and supported by a majority of dems. The quote says that the GOP passed it with little help from across the isle. It's just flat out false.

Hannity's statement was "Because if Obama had his way we wouldn’t have gotten bin Laden, you know that" not "Obama got OBL, Bush helped." Hannity's statement was nonsense.

"Beachhead" or not, Jan Brewer's statement was not accurate. Apparently, there were no beheadings.

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-m...an-brewer-talks-beheadings-th-arizona-desert/

I would add one more to your list. Rick Perry's comment about "Houston" being the first word spoken on the moon, while technically inaccurate, is pretty understandable. I thought it was too until I Googled it just now. BTW the actual first words were "contact light" but that is a pretty obscure bit of trivia.

 

[woolfe9999]

I want to play:

6. Former DNC Chairman Donald Fowler on possible delay of RNC convention due to Hurricane Gustav: "Plus they think the hurricane's going to hit (starts laughing) New Orleans about the time they start. The timing, at least it appears now, that it'll be there Monday. That just demonstrates God's on our side"

Fowler was joking, laughing while he said this. Maybe it was in poor taste, but this was a joke. The difference is that when a republican says "God is on our side," which BTW Fowler was parodying, it's likely he or she actually means it.

7. Barack Obama: "I've now been in 57 states? I think one left to go?"

This was clearly misspoken rather than misunderstood.

11. Al Gore: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."

This famous Gore quote is accurate. Gore did "take initiative in creating the internet." He sponsored several key pieces of legislation and was an advocate of it before most other elected officials. It's the conservative misquote that has him claiming to have "invented the internet" that is the real nonsense.

13. Alan Grayson on Health Care: "The Republican health care plan: don't get sick ... The Republicans have a back up plan in case you do get sick ... This is what the Republicans want you to do. If you get sick America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly!"

This is a matter of opinion and is really nothing more than typical partisan spin. It's very parallel, in fact exactly parallel, to the conservative claim that the bill was "a complete government takeover of the health care system." Difference being that this rhetoric was much more common to conservatives than this reverse spin was with liberals.

14. Nancy Pelosi on the economy: "every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs."

Misspoken rather than misunderstood.

16. Wanda Sykes: "I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight ... Rush Limbaugh -- I hope the country fails. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs."

This is a joke by a stand-up comedian. Weren't you the one who thought a parody article was real?

18. Barack Obama on a tornado that killed twelve people: "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died - an entire town destroyed"

Misspoken rather than misunderstood.

22. Bill Maher on Christianity: "I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Maher was speaking figuratively here. BTW he was referring to the 911 hijackers and Islam when he said this.

25. Michael Moore on terrorism: "There is no terrorist threat. Yes, there have been horrific acts of terrorism and, yes, there will be acts of terrorism again. But that doesn't mean that there's some kind of massive terrorist threat."

Very much a matter of opinion here. Many liberals and also many libertarians believe the threat of terrorism is over-played as fear-mongering to justify wars and suspension of civil liberties. Moore says terrorism is real, but it isn't a massive threat. It's hardly an unusual opinion or a totally unreasonable one.

27. Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, DC: "If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."

This quote is hilarious but accurate at the time. Crime other than murder was down in DC. I'll give you that it sounds idiotic the way he frames it, but it's not as if murder is the only relevant crime statistic. "Bitch set me up" is better Barry quote for conservatives to guffaw about.

28. California Senator Barbara Boxer: "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."

She meant, "because of those who died..."

32. Joe Biden on the passage of the Health Care Bill: "This is a big f...ing deal!"

To coin a phrase, "so f...ing what?"

40. Rod Blagojevich, former governor of IL: "I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up."

Hmm, I'm pretty sure there are better Blogo quotes than this. He was speaking culturally when he said he was "blacker" than Obama. It's really a matter of opinion whether Blogo could claim to be culturally "blacker" than Obama. Obama's formative years were not spent among black people, so this is certainly a debatable point.

44. Congressman Charlie Rangel on our troops: "If a young fella has an option of having a decent career or joining the army to fight in Iraq, you can bet your life that he would not be in Iraq."

As much as I dislike Rangel, he's essentially correct here. Most who go into the military, particularly as enlisted, do so for lack of a better career opportunity. At most, he's over-generalizing.

48. Senator Harry Reid on Barack Obama: "...light-skinned," and with "no negro dialect."

Impolitic and not very PC, but factually accurate. Obama is both "light skinned" and has "no negro dialect."

48. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano on national security, after a man attempted to blow up a commercial airplane with a bomb in his panties: "The system worked."

She was referring to the investigation after the incident. Not only that, but the underwear bomber boarded a plane abroad where we were not responsible for security. She was correct. There was no major problem with our system there.

Most of the rest I would agree are pretty legit or at least borderline, but that's a long list of nonsensical stuff right there.

 

[Atreus21]

Cain's remark about Sanger contains an element of truth. She, like many people of that time, was on record as supporting eugenics. However, I wouldn't describe the quote as accurate in that it implies that eugenics was the singular purpose of Planned Parenthood. There's plenty of historical evidence to the contrary.

I'm not on board that many people of the time were supportive of eugenics. It was a newly vogue idea, but I reject the notion that many people at that time were on that bandwagon.

What I do know about Sanger was that she a disciple of Malthus. What I think I know about her is that she viewed birth control as a means by which to thin the herd, and accordingly had her own ideas about which herds required the most thinning.

The statement about the Civil Rights bill is not accurate. It was sponsored by a dem President, and supported by a majority of dems. The quote says that the GOP passed it with little help from across the isle. It's just flat out false.

Conceded.

But we were more in favor of it then they were. So nyah.

Hannity's statement was "Because if Obama had his way we wouldn’t have gotten bin Laden, you know that" not "Obama got OBL, Bush helped." Hannity's statement was nonsense.

By which I assume he meant Obama was against Gitmo, against waterboarding, and other intelligence techniques which contributed to the finding of Bin Laden.

Shrug. The nonsense of his statement depends on in which light you see the statement, and that falls along political orientation.

"Beachhead" or not, Jan Brewer's statement was not accurate. Apparently, there were no beheadings.

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-m...an-brewer-talks-beheadings-th-arizona-desert/

perhaps, but the OP stated that she claimed they were establishing a beachhead, not making fun of her for the beheadings statement.

Probably a dumb idea for me to take this post seriously as it was meant to be humorous.

I would add one more to your list. Rick Perry's comment about "Houston" being the first word spoken on the moon, while technically inaccurate, is pretty understandable. I thought it was too until I Googled it just now. BTW the actual first words were "contact light" but that is a pretty obscure bit of trivia.

huh. HBD.

 

[woolfe9999]

I'm not on board that many people of the time were supportive of eugenics. It was a newly vogue idea, but I reject the notion that many people at that time were on that bandwagon.

You're flat out wrong.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics_in_the_United_States

Eugenics was widely accepted in the U.S. academic community.[6] By 1928 there were 376 separate university courses in some of the United States' leading schools, enrolling more than 20,000 students, which included eugenics in the curriculum.[12] It did, however, have scientific detractors (notably, Thomas Hunt Morgan, one of the few Mendelians to explicitly criticize eugenics), though most of these focused more on what they considered the crude methodology of eugenicists, and the characterization of almost every human characteristic as being hereditary, rather than the idea of eugenics itself.

It was totally mainstream at the time. Early 20th century America was a different world. Criticizing Sanger for supporting voluntary eugenics - at the time a mild opinion - is pretty specious. It was mandatory, forced eugenics, e.g. Hitler, that was considered extreme.

 

[cybrsage]

You can find the idiot liberal saying list here:

http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/50-idiotic-liberal-quotes/question-2700901/

 

[lotus503]

In a perfect world all of us would endlessly ridicule the stupid crap said both both sides of the aisle.

Only in our propagandized world do we point fingers endlessly.

 

[Atreus21]

You're flat out wrong.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics_in_the_United_States



It was totally mainstream at the time. Early 20th century America was a different world. Criticizing Sanger for supporting voluntary eugenics - at the time a mild opinion - is pretty specious.

Okay, conceded on the pervasiveness front.

It was mandatory, forced eugenics, e.g. Hitler, that was considered extreme.

And apparently not as effective as Sanger's brand.

 

[ichy]

Conceded.

But we were more in favor of it then they were. So nyah.

There were basically two Democratic parties back then. Hubert Humphrey led the effort to get the Civil Rights Act of 1964 passed and Richard Russell led the opposition. Both were Democrats.

 

[Jhhnn]

The Civil Rights Act of 1964 had better support among republicans than by democrats.

By party

The original House version:
Democratic Party: 152–96 (61–39%)
Republican Party: 138–34 (80–20%)

Cloture in the Senate:
Democratic Party: 44–23 (66–34%)
Republican Party: 27–6 (82–18%)

The Senate version:
Democratic Party: 46–21 (69–31%)
Republican Party: 27–6 (82–18%)

The Senate version, voted on by the House:
Democratic Party: 153–91 (63–37%)
Republican Party: 136–35 (80–20%)

True, but so what? Things change. Today's Repub party bears little resemblance to that of your grandfather, and even less to the Party of Lincoln.

Former southern Democrats followed Strom Thurmond in droves to switch to Republicanism when it was made clear that Repubs were entirely willing to pander to their interests. What was the solid south for Democrats is now the solid south for Repubs, for the same reasons as always.

Claims to the contrary have no basis in observable phenomena.

 

[Matt1970]

True, but so what? Things change. Today's Repub party bears little resemblance to that of your grandfather, and even less to the Party of Lincoln.

Former southern Democrats followed Strom Thurmond in droves to switch to Republicanism when it was made clear that Repubs were entirely willing to pander to their interests. What was the solid south for Democrats is now the solid south for Repubs, for the same reasons as always.

Claims to the contrary have no basis in observable phenomena.

Dems kept plenty of Racists around, so much so they made one their leader, Robert Byrd.

 

[cybrsage]

TRANSCRIPT GLC 581
George Washington. Autograph letter signed: Mount Vernon, to James McHenry, 1798 Sept. 30. 3 p.
Mount Vernon 30 Sep 1798.
Dear Sir,
I have lately received information, which, in my opinion, merits attention. It is that the brawlers against Governmental measures in some of the most discontented parts of this state, have, all of a sudden, become silent; and; it is added, are very desirous of obtaining Commissions in the Army, about to be raised.
This information did not fail to leave an impression upon my mind at the time I received it, but it has acquired strength from a publication I have lately seen in one of the Maryland Gazettes (between the Author of which and my informant, there could have been no interchange of sentiments) to the same effect.
The motives ascribed [inserted: to them] are, that [2] in such a situation they would endeavour to divide, & contaminate the Army, by artful & seditious discourses, and perhaps at a critical moment, bring on confusion. What weight to give these conjectures you can judge of as well as I. But, as there will be characters enough of an opposite description, who are ready to receive appointments, circumspection is necessary; for my opinion of the first are, that you could as soon scrub the blackamore white, as to change the principles of a profest Democrat; and that he will leave nothing unattempted to overturn the Government of this Country.
Finding the resentment of the People at the conduct of France too strong to be resisted, they have, inappearance, adopted their senitments; and pretend that, not withstanding the misconduct of Government have brought it upon us, yet, if an Invasion should take place, it will be found that they will be among the [3] first to defend it. This is their story at all Elections, and Election meetings, and told in many instances with effect.
Whether [inserted: there] be little, much, or nothing in the information, I shall not take upon me to decide; but it appeared to me to be of sufficient moment to apprise you thereof.
With esteem & reg[ar]d
I am – Dear Sir
Your Obed[ien]t H[um]ble Serv[an]t
Go: Washington
The Secretary of War.

http://www.pbs.org/georgewashington/collection/post_pres_1798sep30.html

From the start, the democrats wanted to destroy the US - as noted by George Washington.