- Oct 10, 1999
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How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday.
How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.
If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land
first?
The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill!
Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.
How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer?
There'll be white-out on the screen.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to put information into a computer once.
Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off of a cliff.
How does a blonde do a High-Five?
She smacks herself in the forehead.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To try and catch everything that's over their heads.
What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Their heads always get stuck in the jar.
Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages.
Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
That's where you wash vegetables.
What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in a handicapped zone.
Why dont blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to re-train them.
What do you call a zit on a blonde's backside?
A brain tumor.
What did the blonde call her zebra?
Spot.
What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common.
You often hear about them, but you never see one.
Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
Because they can't spell it.
How many blonde jokes are there?
None, they're all true.
What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have?
Artificial intelligence.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.
What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.
How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan?
I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly.
What's the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Why did the blonde freeze in the winter?
Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.
How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
With a tire gauge.
How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.
What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident?
I'll go and call 911, what's the number?
What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
A blonde driving through a flashing red light.
What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air?
Collecting her thoughts.
What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?
An air mattress.
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever.
Why do blondes wear a ponytail?
To hide the valve stem.
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&M's.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Because she kept eating all of the ones with W's on them.
What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means Stop.
What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
What is the mating call of a blonde?
I'm soooo drunk!
What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
I said, I'm drunk!
What is the mating call of a brunette?
Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet?
Why do blondes always fail driver's tests?
Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.
What would a blonde say if her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
Is it mine?
What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date?
If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!
What does a blonde use for birth control?
Brown hair-dye.
How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized.
Tell her a joke on Monday.
How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.
If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land
first?
The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill!
Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.
How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer?
There'll be white-out on the screen.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to put information into a computer once.
Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off of a cliff.
How does a blonde do a High-Five?
She smacks herself in the forehead.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To try and catch everything that's over their heads.
What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Their heads always get stuck in the jar.
Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages.
Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
That's where you wash vegetables.
What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in a handicapped zone.
Why dont blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to re-train them.
What do you call a zit on a blonde's backside?
A brain tumor.
What did the blonde call her zebra?
Spot.
What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common.
You often hear about them, but you never see one.
Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
Because they can't spell it.
How many blonde jokes are there?
None, they're all true.
What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have?
Artificial intelligence.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.
What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.
How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan?
I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly.
What's the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Why did the blonde freeze in the winter?
Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.
How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
With a tire gauge.
How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.
What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident?
I'll go and call 911, what's the number?
What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
A blonde driving through a flashing red light.
What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air?
Collecting her thoughts.
What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?
An air mattress.
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever.
Why do blondes wear a ponytail?
To hide the valve stem.
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&M's.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Because she kept eating all of the ones with W's on them.
What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means Stop.
What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
What is the mating call of a blonde?
I'm soooo drunk!
What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
I said, I'm drunk!
What is the mating call of a brunette?
Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet?
Why do blondes always fail driver's tests?
Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.
What would a blonde say if her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
Is it mine?
What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date?
If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!
What does a blonde use for birth control?
Brown hair-dye.
How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized.
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