A little psychoanalyzing here....
Take out the Korean aspect of your situation and it sounds like something just about every person goes through, regardless of where they were born. Reaching an age where it's time to grow up, move out of your parents' house and make a decision about a career, you're feeling like you want to go back to the way things were when you were a child and things were less complicated. You've attached "Korean" to that feeling, so in your mind, going back to Korea is idealized as some sort of answer to your feeling uncertain about where you're going.
You say you've been depressed - maybe you need to look deeper into what's wrong than just saying it's because you emigrated and you miss your roots. There's no reason you can't find the things you loved about Korea here - unless you live in Bohunk, there are probably Korean social clubs and groups someplace near you. Your depression just sounds like more of a coming-of-age or life crisis thing than some sort of ethnic calling.
If you're looking for a way to rationalize why you can't study, feeling homesick for a place you haven't been in 9 years isn't going to cut it. I miss a lot of things, places and people from my past - it doesn't keep me from doing what needs to be done in day to day life.
And on a side note - if you've managed to live 9 of your most important years here in the states and you don't think this is your home, maybe you should find a way to get where you think you belong. When it's been suggested that you find ways to get to Korea, which is what you claim to want so much, you give a whole bunch of reasons why you can't. If you want it badly enough, you'd find a way to get there. You're 18 and an adult.
Take out the Korean aspect of your situation and it sounds like something just about every person goes through, regardless of where they were born. Reaching an age where it's time to grow up, move out of your parents' house and make a decision about a career, you're feeling like you want to go back to the way things were when you were a child and things were less complicated. You've attached "Korean" to that feeling, so in your mind, going back to Korea is idealized as some sort of answer to your feeling uncertain about where you're going.
You say you've been depressed - maybe you need to look deeper into what's wrong than just saying it's because you emigrated and you miss your roots. There's no reason you can't find the things you loved about Korea here - unless you live in Bohunk, there are probably Korean social clubs and groups someplace near you. Your depression just sounds like more of a coming-of-age or life crisis thing than some sort of ethnic calling.
If you're looking for a way to rationalize why you can't study, feeling homesick for a place you haven't been in 9 years isn't going to cut it. I miss a lot of things, places and people from my past - it doesn't keep me from doing what needs to be done in day to day life.
And on a side note - if you've managed to live 9 of your most important years here in the states and you don't think this is your home, maybe you should find a way to get where you think you belong. When it's been suggested that you find ways to get to Korea, which is what you claim to want so much, you give a whole bunch of reasons why you can't. If you want it badly enough, you'd find a way to get there. You're 18 and an adult.
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