$50

[weflyhigh]

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
Her parents beamed.
'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'
I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her parents still aren't speaking to me


---------------------------------------------
Moved to P&N from OT

Part political & part humor

Senior Andtech Moderator
Common Courtesy

 

[Adam8281]

"Things are in a parlous state when Bertie Wooster understands economics better than all the smart johnnies running the Western world . . .

Orlo Porter, an old school acquaintance and ardent leftist, speaks to Bertie, and Bertie thinks sense to himself:

"'He has a big house in the country with a stable of racehorses, as he can well afford to after his years of grinding the faces of the widow and orphan'

I could have corrected him here, pointing out that you don't grind people's faces by selling them pressed beef and potato chips at a lower price than they would be charged elsewhere, but, as I say, he was my guest, so I refrained.""

 

[spidey07]

It's funny because it's true.

 

[OCGuy]

Liberals are such funny little people.

 

[JoPh]

pwnt

 

[Farang]

CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Sir,

Good day and compliments. This letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine the future and continued existence of the entire members of my family.

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dr. (Mrs.) Mariam Abacha, the wife of the late head of state and commander in chief of the armed forces of the federal republic of Nigeria who died on the 8th of June 1998.

My ordeal started immediately after my husband's death on the morning of 8th June 1998, and the subsequent take over of government by the last administration. The present democratic government is determined to portray all the good work of my late husband in a bad light and have gone as far as confiscating all my late husband's assets, properties, freezing our accounts both within and outside Nigeria. As I am writing this letter to you, my son Mohammed Abacha is undergoing questioning with the government. All these measures taken by past/present government is just to gain international recognition.

I and the entire members of my family have been held incommunicado since the death of my husband, hence I seek your indulgence to assist us in securing these funds. We are not allowed to see or discuss with anybody. Few occasions I have tired traveling abroad through alternative means all failed.

It is in view of this I have mandated DR GALADIMA HASSAN, who has been assisting the family to run around on so many issues to act on behalf of the family concerning the substance of this letter. He has the full power of attorney to execute this transaction with you.

My late husband had/has Eighty Million USD ($80,000,000.00) specially preserved and well packed in trunk boxes of which only my husband and I knew about. It is packed in such a way to forestall just anybody having access to it. It is this sum that I seek your assistance to get out of Nigeria as soon as possible before the present civilian government finds out about it and confiscate it just like they have done to all our assets.

I implore you to please give consideration to my predicament and help a widow in need.

May Allah show you mercy as you do so?

Your faithfully,

Dr (Mrs.) Mariam Abacha (M.O.N)

N/B: Please contact Dr Galadima Hassan on this e-mail address for further briefing and modalities

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: Ocguy31
Liberals are such funny little people.

Did they write this spam?

 

[nakedfrog]

Ah, partisan political jokes are always the best.

 

[rivan]

Originally posted by: Adam8281
"Things are in a parlous state when Bertie Wooster understands economics better than all the smart johnnies running the Western world . . .

Orlo Porter, an old school acquaintance and ardent leftist, speaks to Bertie, and Bertie thinks sense to himself:

"'He has a big house in the country with a stable of racehorses, as he can well afford to after his years of grinding the faces of the widow and orphan'

I could have corrected him here, pointing out that you don't grind people's faces by selling them pressed beef and potato chips at a lower price than they would be charged elsewhere, but, as I say, he was my guest, so I refrained.""

Uh, what?

Originally posted by: spidey07
It's funny because it's true.

Originally posted by: Ocguy31
Liberals are such funny little people.

Did I accidentally click on P&N?

 

[Turin39789]

Here's the latest spam I got

Want to earn some extra easy cash with Google?
link removed

Simple work anyone with basictyping and computer skills can do. No experience required.

link removed

If you no longer wish to receive emails from us, click here:

link removed

Or write to us at:
Google Money System
601 Cleveland Street, Suite 360
Clearwater, Florida, 33755

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: rivan

Originally posted by: Adam8281
"Things are in a parlous state when Bertie Wooster understands economics better than all the smart johnnies running the Western world . . .

Orlo Porter, an old school acquaintance and ardent leftist, speaks to Bertie, and Bertie thinks sense to himself:

"'He has a big house in the country with a stable of racehorses, as he can well afford to after his years of grinding the faces of the widow and orphan'

I could have corrected him here, pointing out that you don't grind people's faces by selling them pressed beef and potato chips at a lower price than they would be charged elsewhere, but, as I say, he was my guest, so I refrained.""

Uh, what?

Originally posted by: spidey07
It's funny because it's true.

Originally posted by: Ocguy31
Liberals are such funny little people.

Did I accidentally click on P&N?

Wodehouse

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: Adam8281
"Things are in a parlous state when Bertie Wooster understands economics better than all the smart johnnies running the Western world . . ."

PG Wodehouse is quite funny. Far funnier than the partisan drivel the OP posted. Had the person actually been willing to pay $50 to a homeless person for yardwork, then it would have made sense. But, alas, as is often the problem, when the homeless come over, they barricade the doors and windows instead. Then they blame the homeless for being homeless.

 

[TallBill]

I lol'ed

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Adam8281
"Things are in a parlous state when Bertie Wooster understands economics better than all the smart johnnies running the Western world . . ."

PG Wodehouse is quite funny. Far funnier than the partisan drivel the OP posted. Had the person actually been willing to pay $50 to a homeless person for yardwork, then it would have made sense. But, alas, as is often the problem, when the homeless come over, they barricade the doors and windows instead. Then they blame the homeless for being homeless.

Classic and oh so true! :thumbsup:

 

[halik]

Originally posted by: spidey07
It's funny because it's poisonous.

fixed (5 pts if you get the reference)

 

[kstu]

Here's the latest spam I got:

My name is Dr. Donovon Notevarp. Yes, that's me at the right. I'd like to extend a personal 'thank you' for visiting my website. I'm confident you'll come away with insightful facts, features, and information that can literally change your life!

Also, congratulations on your smart decision to subscribe to the world's most popular online natural health newsletter.

By subscribing, you're demonstrating a solid commitment to your own health.

My mission for over 10 years has been to help you improve your health. And I am quite passionate about that goal!

Wishing you optimal health and wellness,

Dr. Donovon Notevarp

Note: If you've somehow received this message in error, you can unsubscribe. Also, we continually strive to improve this website, so if you encounter any problems or issues, click here to contact our customer support department.

 

[scott916]

That's awesome, never figured I'd see a Wooster reference here.

 

[finite automaton]

Originally posted by: halik

Originally posted by: spidey07
It's funny because it's poisonous.

fixed (5 pts if you get the reference)

10 points if you don't (for being normal)

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: weflyhigh
I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. Have the homeless guy come over to my rich neighborhood on the easily available public transportation that we don't have and mow my lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll give him $50.

"Sure, he'll still be homeless and in need of so many other things and, SURE, $50 a day is far from a living wage in America in 2009, which is why I have my lawn done by illegal aliens who won't complain but about whom I then blog viciously in a totally hypocritical way, but . . . Welcome to the Republican Party!"

The sweet little girl looked up at me all wide-eyed and innocent and said, "Do0d, are you on Oxycontin or something, you fat, overpriveleged blowhard?"

All I could answer was, "Welcome to the Republican Party!"

She went on, "Clearly, you clueless dittohead piece of flatulent trash, most of those homeless people are obviously mentally ill! Why are they out polluting our streets and not in institutions where they belong?"

"Welcome to the Republican Party," I answered weakly.

"You see, they used to be in institutions, but then an Alzheimer's impaired ex-B actor became president -- Welcome to the Republican Party! -- and threw them all out on the streets to save money. Of course, it didn't save money and he ran up the largest government deficits ever to that point (except for WWII) until the next Republican president topped them and then the next Republican president got us into even more debt, but, hey . . .

Welcome to the Republican Party!

Then I told her that if she gets raped by her Republican Uncle and her pregnancy could well cause her death, she HAS to have the baby anyway because Yahweh sez so!

Her parents still aren't speaking to me

Fixored for more lulz and much more accuracy.

 

[kstu]

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: weflyhigh
I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. Have the homeless guy come over to my rich neighborhood on the easily available public transportation that we don't have and mow my lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll give him $50.

"Sure, he'll still be homeless and in need of so many other things and, SURE, $50 a day is far from a living wage in America in 2009, which is why I have my lawn done by illegal aliens who won't complain but about whom I then blog viciously in a totally hypocritical way, but . . . Welcome to the Republican Party!"

The sweet little girl looked up at me all wide-eyed and innocent and said, "Do0d, are you on Oxycontin or something, you fat, overpriveleged blowhard?"

All I could answer was, "Welcome to the Republican Party!"

She went on, "Clearly, you clueless dittohead piece of flatulent trash, most of those homeless people are obviously mentally ill! Why are they out polluting our streets and not in institutions where they belong?"

"Welcome to the Republican Party," I answered weakly.

"You see, they used to be in institutions, but then an Alzheimer's impaired ex-B actor became president -- Welcome to the Republican Party! -- and threw them all out on the streets to save money. Of course, it didn't save money and he ran up the largest government deficits ever to that point (except for WWII) until the next Republican president topped them and then the next Republican president got us into even more debt, but, hey . . .

Welcome to the Republican Party!

Then I told her that if she gets raped by her Republican Uncle and her pregnancy could well cause her death, she HAS to have the baby anyway because Yahweh sez so!

Her parents still aren't speaking to me

Fixored for more lulz and much more accuracy.

:laugh:

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Adam8281
"Things are in a parlous state when Bertie Wooster understands economics better than all the smart johnnies running the Western world . . ."

PG Wodehouse is quite funny. Far funnier than the partisan drivel the OP posted. Had the person actually been willing to pay $50 to a homeless person for yardwork, then it would have made sense. But, alas, as is often the problem, when the homeless come over, they barricade the doors and windows instead. Then they blame the homeless for being homeless.

He obviously never met a homeless person. The overwhelming majority of the homeless chooses to be homeless.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Adam8281
"Things are in a parlous state when Bertie Wooster understands economics better than all the smart johnnies running the Western world . . ."

PG Wodehouse is quite funny. Far funnier than the partisan drivel the OP posted. Had the person actually been willing to pay $50 to a homeless person for yardwork, then it would have made sense. But, alas, as is often the problem, when the homeless come over, they barricade the doors and windows instead. Then they blame the homeless for being homeless.

who do you blame?

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: weflyhigh
I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. Have the homeless guy come over to my rich neighborhood on the easily available public transportation that we don't have and mow my lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll give him $50.

"Sure, he'll still be homeless and in need of so many other things and, SURE, $50 a day is far from a living wage in America in 2009, which is why I have my lawn done by illegal aliens who won't complain but about whom I then blog viciously in a totally hypocritical way, but . . . Welcome to the Republican Party!"

The sweet little girl looked up at me all wide-eyed and innocent and said, "Do0d, are you on Oxycontin or something, you fat, overpriveleged blowhard?"

All I could answer was, "Welcome to the Republican Party!"

She went on, "Clearly, you clueless dittohead piece of flatulent trash, most of those homeless people are obviously mentally ill! Why are they out polluting our streets and not in institutions where they belong?"

"Welcome to the Republican Party," I answered weakly.

"You see, they used to be in institutions, but then an Alzheimer's impaired ex-B actor became president -- Welcome to the Republican Party! -- and threw them all out on the streets to save money. Of course, it didn't save money and he ran up the largest government deficits ever to that point (except for WWII) until the next Republican president topped them and then the next Republican president got us into even more debt, but, hey . . .

Welcome to the Republican Party!

Then I told her that if she gets raped by her Republican Uncle and her pregnancy could well cause her death, she HAS to have the baby anyway because Yahweh sez so!

Her parents still aren't speaking to me

Fixored for more lulz and much more accuracy.

lol so Brazilian Catholics = Republican? :laugh:

 

[manowar821]

Originally posted by: Ocguy31
Democrats are such funny little people.

Fixed for you, you wretched snake.

 

[dbk]

hahahaha nice thread here