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2nd grade and already got a dilemma

R

RKS

Diamond Member
My son is in 2nd grade and goes to a parochial school that is well regraded in this area. The teachers employ a green/yellow/red card system and use them as disciplinary procedures. A classmate got his card 'flipped' to red for forgetting his homework and started crying. He told my son that if he gets a red then he gets beat by his parents. He showed my son bruises and cuts to the back of his knees/legs.

My son asked me what to do. I told him that the classmate needs to discuss this with the teacher. The next day my son told the classmate that if he is getting hit by a stick he should tell the teacher but the other boy asked my son to tell the teacher. I hate to get involved in someone else's child-rearing methods but my son did tell the teacher and she told him she would discuss it with his classmate.
 
I would do the right thing and I would check this kid for wounds, if true I would definitively report their parents to whoever it took to get justice done.

YOU do the right thing, this is an innocent kid getting abused, don't turn your head away.
 
If the teacher's already aware, I'd expect any appropriate steps will already be taken (child examined, someone called if required).

I'd start by talking to the teacher or principal/headmaster about it, but I wouldn't call DFS, at least initially - that's some serious shit that can haunt a family for a long time.
 
Well, in my case violence was the only thing I really understood as a child. For example, my mother would punish me and give me chores to do, or turn off the tv etc. I never listened to her because she had no recourse.

She could tell me I can't play my nintendo, but I would turn it on the moment she left. She had no power because the only thing she could do was talk sternly.

My father's punishments however were always completed. He used a military/prison system of punishment. I would be tasked with moving bricks or dirt from one side of the yard to another if I got poor grades (to remind me what kind of job I was on track for), or opening and closing a door 200 times after not listening to him and slamming it too often. Another great one was being forced to move full cans of garbage from the front to the back of the house for an evening because I forgot to take the trash out that morning. I always listened to him and did was I was told. Do you know why? Because If I didn't, he would use corporal punishment. It was painful, stern, consistant, and inescapable. But I was never hurt by it. Just some immediate pain and a life lesson.

If my father wasn't around to hit me, I'd probably be a unsuccessful looser today who blames all my problems on my parents and society.

All that said, beating a child is wrong. A child living in fear is wrong. Those issues should always be investigated and if need be intervened.
 
sourceninja said:
My father's punishments however were always completed. He used a military/prison system of punishment. I would be tasked with moving bricks or dirt from one side of the yard to another if I got poor grades (to remind me what kind of job I was on track for), or opening and closing a door 200 times after not listening to him and slamming it too often. Another great one was being forced to move full cans of garbage from the front to the back of the house for an evening because I forgot to take the trash out that morning. I always listened to him and did was I was told. Do you know why? Because If I didn't, he would use corporal punishment. It was painful, stern, consistant, and inescapable. But I was never hurt by it. Just some immediate pain and a life lesson.
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This sounds interesting. I'll be sure to remember this :thumbsup:
 
Discipline doesn't generally involve a leather belt... It speaks poorly of a parent if you need a tool to ensure your kid knows they've done wrong.
 
Good on your kid for telling you about this, but at that point you should have put yourself in the situation and taken your child out of it. It should've been you telling the teacher.
 
sourceninja said:
She could tell me I can't play my nintendo, but I would turn it on the moment she lef
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If we were being punished, my mom took the power cords from games and TVs with her when she left.

She is a small woman, but we feared her because my dad backed her up 100%. "Wait until your dad gets home" was something you never wanted to hear.

OP: Report it to the teacher and follow-up with the principal. Maybe even ask your son about his friend in a few days.

MotionMan
 
Bruises and cuts could have been from something else and the kid was being a bit dramatic about his spankings.

But I wouldn't take the chance. I'd personally inform the teacher. There are some jobs where you are legally obligated to act on a potential child abuse situation, and teacher is one of them. She can, with another teacher or nurse supervising, check out the kid's legs for bruises and cuts, and can bring in CPS if necessary.
 
Liet said:
Discipline doesn't generally involve a leather belt... It speaks poorly of a parent if you need a tool to ensure your kid knows they've done wrong.
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No, it shouldn't *generally* involve it, but it should be there as a last resort. Being willing to let your kids get away with whatever they want by teaching them you'll quit before they do speaks poorly of a parent.
 
RKS said:
I told him that the classmate needs to discuss this with the teacher.
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This sounds like a potential abuse situation. As the adult, you should have intervened at this point. You can't expect the child, who is already fearful, to be able to take necessary action.
 
err...my child got a red card at school one time. After he got his ass whipped, that was the last time it ever happened.

While red marks that last more than a few hours, and especially bruises might be a bit excessive, nobody should jump to conclusions and just assume the child is being abused. There's a fine line between abuse and discipline. The teacher should be prudent and keep an eye on it to see if there's a pattern, but that's as far as it should go at this point.
 
Issue a heads up to the teacher. I do not think you need to become directly or personally involved beyond that.

As for beatings? That is a tough one. There is a definite line there, but those that believe the line stops before any contact is made are living in a very wishful land where nobody ever raises a hand to anyone during their time on earth.

The key is simple though. Most people are very quick to discipline, but forget to reward when the kid does something well. This makes the kid scared and makes them hide things more than trying to do them right.
 
MotionMan said:
If we were being punished, my mom took the power cords from games and TVs with her when she left.

She is a small woman, but we feared her because my dad backed her up 100%. "Wait until your dad gets home" was something you never wanted to hear.

OP: Report it to the teacher and follow-up with the principal. Maybe even ask your son about his friend in a few days.

MotionMan
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my mom is a small woman as well. when i hit HS she had to tell me to lean over so she could reach my face to smack it. of course i deserved it too, i mouthed off quite a bit. she didnt have to take the cords tho, we respected her enough to actually do what she said. it confused my friends a lot, because they didnt listen to their parents at all. as soon as their parents were gone for the day, they left the house and came over to mine. i didnt have the "wait till your father gets home" threat either, since my mom raised me and my bro essentially alone.

ive raised my kids with the same tactics, and i have to say they seem to follow the same as i did. i respect them enough to talk to them (instead of at them), they respect me enough to know (and realize) when they were wrong and accept their punishment. its brought us to be very close family, and being a single dad raising 3 teens i have to know i can trust their judgement when im at work or elsewhere.
 
hanoverphist said:
my mom is a small woman as well. when i hit HS she had to tell me to lean over so she could reach my face to smack it. of course i deserved it too, i mouthed off quite a bit. she didnt have to take the cords tho, we respected her enough to actually do what she said. it confused my friends a lot, because they didnt listen to their parents at all. as soon as their parents were gone for the day, they left the house and came over to mine. i didnt have the "wait till your father gets home" threat either, since my mom raised me and my bro essentially alone.

ive raised my kids with the same tactics, and i have to say they seem to follow the same as i did. i respect them enough to talk to them (instead of at them), they respect me enough to know (and realize) when they were wrong and accept their punishment. its brought us to be very close family, and being a single dad raising 3 teens i have to know i can trust their judgement when im at work or elsewhere.
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Every kid is different, and some kids just need an ass whooping now and then.
 
They should of ponied up for a catholic school so god himself could hand out the beating.
nun_ruler.jpg
 
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