...

[mrrman]

join some sport activity and try meeting them there, tennis, singles club,dance club etc

 

[Mermaidman]

pontifex
Golden Member

Posts: 1208
Joined: 10/20/2005

Post less?

Seriously though--go to church and find girls there.

 

[thehstrybean]

Wow...So, virtually you are at the very bottom of the ladies ladder...I'm only 17 and I've never had a girlfriend, so thanks for increasing the feeling of hopelessness...If I commit suicide, I blame you...

 

[Kyle]

Originally posted by: BriGy86

Originally posted by: Hyperblaze

Originally posted by: notfred
Don't try to meet women. Try to meet people in general. Meeting other guys is probably just as likely to get you a girlfriend as going straight after women is.

You say you have very few friends. Ok, make more. You can do this however you like. Join a book club, go to a LAN party, take a class, do ANYTHING that's social and has people you haven't met before. Don't even worry about whether or not there are girls there. When you're participating in this social activity, start talking to people. You can start talknig to people about anything. At a book club, you ask what someone's reading. At a LAN party, you talk about games or hardware, or whatever. If you take a class, you can talk about the subject matter. These things are easy to start conversations about in this sort of setting.

Now, you're talking to people - some of these people will like you. I don't mean that in a romatic way, I jsut mean that they'll find you to be a decent guy that they like hanging out with. Basically, you're making friends. Doesn't matter if it's with guys or girls. Eventually, you'll get fairly comfortable around these people. They'll start to say things like "I'm doing some activity at my house this weekend". Whenever someone invites you to anything, accept the invitation, even if the party/activity/whatever sounds kind of lame. Accept anyway, you have nothing to lose.

Now, following the above plan, you might have a met a guy at a LAN party who invited you to his house for a Mario Kart tournament. This is fine. When y ou get there, there will be other people there. You might meet his roommate, and his roommate's friends. You can talk to them, and you might make some friends with these people.

The point is, as long as you start being social, you're going to meet people, and these people will introduce you to more people. Eventually, you'll be meeting women, even if you started off doing some typically "nerdy guy" activity. Eventually, some of these women will like you. All you have to do is keep going to new places and starting conversations with new people. It doesn't have to be awkward, since you now have friends that are introducing these new people to you.

You're never going to meet anyone if you only stay home, or go to places where you already know everyone. Don't even worry about meeting women, just go out and you'll find the women eventually. Even if you don't meet any girls for a while, you'll have a lot more fun doing this stuff than you would have if you stayed home.

best advice I've ever heard.

Damn, why couldn't you of mentioned this 20 years ago?

the only flaw i see is the friends of friends of friends etc. strategy

if you really jump through that many hoops it may take 20 years to find a date

the less hops the better

Great advice- thing that rang the truest for me is just go do anything you're invited to....I used to think about it too much or not go if it didnt sound fun, but I eventually just made myself go do anything and more often than not I had a great time- met my GF (now ex) of 3 yrs at a party I didnt want to go to.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: Mermaidman

pontifex
Golden Member

Posts: 1208
Joined: 10/20/2005

Post less?

Seriously though--go to church and find girls there.

i mainly post while at work. work has been very slow lately (i'm a network admin) and there hasn't been much to do.

i'm not religious at all, so that might not work out so well.

 

[oddyager]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

Being around people, alot. You mentioned in your post that you rarely ever venture out of your house being that your friends live so far away. What about after work stuff? Do you have friends from work? You could grab a beer, or club soda and just chill at a place. The more you are around with people (and not just being a wallflower but actually participate in conversations), the easier it is to inititiate and hold conversations. And it doesn't sound like you are completely hopeless since you have gone on several dates. Most men have a hard time getting just one. So maybe this is more of how do you keep a date?

And don't worry about feeling alone on this because PLENTY of dudes go through this.

 

[Megadeth]

Originally posted by: notfred
Don't try to meet women. Try to meet people in general. Meeting other guys is probably just as likely to get you a girlfriend as going straight after women is.

You say you have very few friends. Ok, make more. You can do this however you like. Join a book club, go to a LAN party, take a class, do ANYTHING that's social and has people you haven't met before. Don't even worry about whether or not there are girls there. When you're participating in this social activity, start talking to people. You can start talknig to people about anything. At a book club, you ask what someone's reading. At a LAN party, you talk about games or hardware, or whatever. If you take a class, you can talk about the subject matter. These things are easy to start conversations about in this sort of setting.

Now, you're talking to people - some of these people will like you. I don't mean that in a romatic way, I jsut mean that they'll find you to be a decent guy that they like hanging out with. Basically, you're making friends. Doesn't matter if it's with guys or girls. Eventually, you'll get fairly comfortable around these people. They'll start to say things like "I'm doing some activity at my house this weekend". Whenever someone invites you to anything, accept the invitation, even if the party/activity/whatever sounds kind of lame. Accept anyway, you have nothing to lose.

Now, following the above plan, you might have a met a guy at a LAN party who invited you to his house for a Mario Kart tournament. This is fine. When y ou get there, there will be other people there. You might meet his roommate, and his roommate's friends. You can talk to them, and you might make some friends with these people.

The point is, as long as you start being social, you're going to meet people, and these people will introduce you to more people. Eventually, you'll be meeting women, even if you started off doing some typically "nerdy guy" activity. Eventually, some of these women will like you. All you have to do is keep going to new places and starting conversations with new people. It doesn't have to be awkward, since you now have friends that are introducing these new people to you.

You're never going to meet anyone if you only stay home, or go to places where you already know everyone. Don't even worry about meeting women, just go out and you'll find the women eventually. Even if you don't meet any girls for a while, you'll have a lot more fun doing this stuff than you would have if you stayed home.

Good advice! All my past relationships were girls I met through friends, including my fiance right now... There was only one girl I've ever dated that was through the workplace or something along those lines.... My point is that (at least in my experience) your chances are better when meeting girls through friends then they are with strangers.

 

[pontifex]

well, i did the eharmony thing, not a single match for me in the whole world.
i also joined match.com and i've been a member for about 2 weeks now. i have contacted several women but not one of them has responded back to me.
are there any other respectable dating service type sites out there?

i figured i'd join an online service since i don't get out much. i don't really drink so i never go to bars or clubs. only time i go to bars is when i get invited by co-workers or friends, and thats rare. and since i have very few friends (that are older than me and married) that makes it even more rare.

the workplace isn't exactly conducive to meeting women because i work in a factory of mostly men. i work IT and there are a few women in the accounting/sales end of the place, but they are all married or older.

i just feel that i'm never going to meet someone. i'll be 26 in march and i have yet to have any kind of meaningful relationship with a woman. i guess i'm at the point where i'm really feeling lonely and want someone to share my life with.

don't bother posting unless you have something constructive to say. i'm really serious about this and i don't need you making me feel any worse than i already am.

 

[CraKaJaX]

start working out.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: CraKaJaX
start working out.

what does that have to do with meeting women?

 

[CraKaJaX]

well it's obvious that girls are more attracted to men in shape then men out of shape...

 

[blahblah99]

What you need to do is work hard to get money, power, and fame. Then all of a sudden women will "magically" flock to you.

That's when you bang the hell out of them, one right after another.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: CraKaJaX
well it's obvious that girls are more attracted to men in shape then men out of shape...

well yes, but being in shape isn't going to do me any good if i don't actually MEET any women

 

[CraKaJaX]

Originally posted by: blahblah99
What you need to do is work hard to get money, power, and fame. Then all of a sudden women will "magically" flock to you.

That's when you bang the hell out of them, one right after another.

of course they "magically" come to you..when money is involved

 

[StormRider]

You're doing a lot better than me if that helps....

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: StormRider
You're doing a lot better than me if that helps....

care to explain?

 

[CraKaJaX]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: CraKaJaX
well it's obvious that girls are more attracted to men in shape then men out of shape...

well yes, but being in shape isn't going to do me any good if i don't actually MEET any women

you said you are subscribed for an online dating site. that means, pictures... girls always like a 6 pack, but that doesn't come magically. you will get a lot more messages if you had something like that. you would also probably meet some at the gym if you got a membership at one.

 

[yobarman]

Originally posted by: Hyperblaze

Originally posted by: notfred
Don't try to meet women. Try to meet people in general. Meeting other guys is probably just as likely to get you a girlfriend as going straight after women is.

You say you have very few friends. Ok, make more. You can do this however you like. Join a book club, go to a LAN party, take a class, do ANYTHING that's social and has people you haven't met before. Don't even worry about whether or not there are girls there. When you're participating in this social activity, start talking to people. You can start talknig to people about anything. At a book club, you ask what someone's reading. At a LAN party, you talk about games or hardware, or whatever. If you take a class, you can talk about the subject matter. These things are easy to start conversations about in this sort of setting.

Now, you're talking to people - some of these people will like you. I don't mean that in a romatic way, I jsut mean that they'll find you to be a decent guy that they like hanging out with. Basically, you're making friends. Doesn't matter if it's with guys or girls. Eventually, you'll get fairly comfortable around these people. They'll start to say things like "I'm doing some activity at my house this weekend". Whenever someone invites you to anything, accept the invitation, even if the party/activity/whatever sounds kind of lame. Accept anyway, you have nothing to lose.

Now, following the above plan, you might have a met a guy at a LAN party who invited you to his house for a Mario Kart tournament. This is fine. When y ou get there, there will be other people there. You might meet his roommate, and his roommate's friends. You can talk to them, and you might make some friends with these people.

The point is, as long as you start being social, you're going to meet people, and these people will introduce you to more people. Eventually, you'll be meeting women, even if you started off doing some typically "nerdy guy" activity. Eventually, some of these women will like you. All you have to do is keep going to new places and starting conversations with new people. It doesn't have to be awkward, since you now have friends that are introducing these new people to you.

You're never going to meet anyone if you only stay home, or go to places where you already know everyone. Don't even worry about meeting women, just go out and you'll find the women eventually. Even if you don't meet any girls for a while, you'll have a lot more fun doing this stuff than you would have if you stayed home.

best advice I've ever heard.

Damn, why couldn't you of mentioned this 20 years ago?

Dang it took you that long to realize that being social = meeting peopel ?

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: yobarman

Originally posted by: Hyperblaze

Originally posted by: notfred
Don't try to meet women. Try to meet people in general. Meeting other guys is probably just as likely to get you a girlfriend as going straight after women is.

You say you have very few friends. Ok, make more. You can do this however you like. Join a book club, go to a LAN party, take a class, do ANYTHING that's social and has people you haven't met before. Don't even worry about whether or not there are girls there. When you're participating in this social activity, start talking to people. You can start talknig to people about anything. At a book club, you ask what someone's reading. At a LAN party, you talk about games or hardware, or whatever. If you take a class, you can talk about the subject matter. These things are easy to start conversations about in this sort of setting.

Now, you're talking to people - some of these people will like you. I don't mean that in a romatic way, I jsut mean that they'll find you to be a decent guy that they like hanging out with. Basically, you're making friends. Doesn't matter if it's with guys or girls. Eventually, you'll get fairly comfortable around these people. They'll start to say things like "I'm doing some activity at my house this weekend". Whenever someone invites you to anything, accept the invitation, even if the party/activity/whatever sounds kind of lame. Accept anyway, you have nothing to lose.

Now, following the above plan, you might have a met a guy at a LAN party who invited you to his house for a Mario Kart tournament. This is fine. When y ou get there, there will be other people there. You might meet his roommate, and his roommate's friends. You can talk to them, and you might make some friends with these people.

The point is, as long as you start being social, you're going to meet people, and these people will introduce you to more people. Eventually, you'll be meeting women, even if you started off doing some typically "nerdy guy" activity. Eventually, some of these women will like you. All you have to do is keep going to new places and starting conversations with new people. It doesn't have to be awkward, since you now have friends that are introducing these new people to you.

You're never going to meet anyone if you only stay home, or go to places where you already know everyone. Don't even worry about meeting women, just go out and you'll find the women eventually. Even if you don't meet any girls for a while, you'll have a lot more fun doing this stuff than you would have if you stayed home.

best advice I've ever heard.

Damn, why couldn't you of mentioned this 20 years ago?

Dang it took you that long to realize that being social = meeting peopel ?

Being a shut-in gets you visits from those nice Social Services ladies...

 

[yobarman]

Anyways... take Notfreds advice. I just don't see whats so special about because for some people it just seems common sense and i just don't understand how you can be an antisocial person and except to ever have mroe than a couple friends and even a girlfriend.


The "corridor theory" applies to all aspects of life. Nothing is going to happen to you if you're sitting in park, not doing anything to entice people into meeting you. The world is a social place. Stop being afraid of rejection and just be yourself. Once you start walking down the corridor, doors start to open, some even lead to new corridors... kinda simple analogy for life, but hey its the truth. take nikes advice and JUST DO IT. The only thing you're going to regret is NOT doing anything when you're 70 and alone in a nursing home.

 

[yobarman]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: StormRider
You're doing a lot better than me if that helps....

care to explain?

Lol search for his threads!

 

[harobikes333]

Originally posted by: JS80
Are you ugly?

Originally posted by: edro
Pics of self.

Originally posted by: CraKaJaX
start working out.

just post your pic I mean dude if you can't even post your pic on here then why on earth are you even thinking about going out on a date with someone. omg

 

[StormRider]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: StormRider
You're doing a lot better than me if that helps....

care to explain?

I'm 42 and never dated.

The closest I ever came to a date is having lunch with a girl in my study group regularly during a semester in grad school. She had a boy friend (whom she eventually married) so we were just friends. She was probably the closest female friend I ever had. Most girls I would be so nervous I couldn't even talk but I was somewhat comfortable around her (she was extremely friendly and outgoing so she was able to get me out of my shell). I had a crush on another girl who was her friend. We were all in the same study group -- it was a weird and probably the most exciting and happiest year of my life. I did things I never thought I would do -- I actually studied with both of them one time at one of their homes (actually it was a house the girl I had a crush on was house sitting for a family friend) for an upcoming test -- I was amazed that I was actually alone with 2 beautiful girls. When I went home I had a hard time falling asleep because I was so happy. They regularly included me in other activities too -- I felt normal and not "invisible" for the first time in my life. Prior to that, I never really had any female friends. I was around 29 at the time.

The girl I had a crush on moved to North Carolina for grad school and some things happened that made me feel insecure about the friendships which caused me to withdraw more. And that's the extent of my social life with girls. Haha...

 

[yobarman]

SR you need to stop making excuses for yourself. YOu're not too old and you're not too ugly... just grow a pair and talk to people like you're worth something.





Gah... whatev... i'm goin out to the bars right now...but i'll yell at you tomorrow.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: harobikes333

Originally posted by: JS80
Are you ugly?

Originally posted by: edro
Pics of self.

Originally posted by: CraKaJaX
start working out.

just post your pic I mean dude if you can't even post your pic on here then why on earth are you even thinking about going out on a date with someone. omg

uh, have you read many posts on this forum? people jump on you and attack you for the smallest thing.