...

[pontifex]

so we seem to have got the person you kinda know out of the way, but what about a total stranger? like the girl i mentioned in the grocery store?

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

well Im not here to boost your ego, but you've said yourself that you've been on serveral dates. So that means you aren't hopeless. Even if they went nowhere, some people have a hard enough time going on 1 date.

As for talking to girls, do you think you're interesting? An easy way to tell is do you have any good stories to share about yourself?

in a word - no.
my job is not interesting. i don't have any interesting hobbies or do anything that anyone except another geek/nerd would find interesting.

self fulfilling prophecy

that stuff could be interesting if you make it. There are multiple issues here. You think this stuff is boring, but you haven't tried to to interesting things, plus youre giong for girls who you think wouldn't find your interests interesting anyway. See the problem? I would go out on a limb and just talk about your interests. Theres no hope anyway if you can't share at least 1 of them with a girl.

Also I think you should consider this. You get a first date because they WANT to know more about you. I mean they're already interested a little. Don't think its just some pity date because it really you chance to prove/sell yourself.

i've run into a lot of those... pity dates are always a possiblility

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: pontifex
so we seem to have got the person you kinda know out of the way, but what about a total stranger? like the girl i mentioned in the grocery store?

she's a cashier at a gorcery store, which leads me to believe she is either in highschool or college, or some one that doesn't know what to do with their life and didn't bother getting an education or strive to do better things

or maybe she's got a good job and is just working part time for extra cash or benefits

ask her if she works there often, if she doesn't ask her what else she does, if she's in school ask her what she is studying, etc.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: BriGy86

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

well Im not here to boost your ego, but you've said yourself that you've been on serveral dates. So that means you aren't hopeless. Even if they went nowhere, some people have a hard enough time going on 1 date.

As for talking to girls, do you think you're interesting? An easy way to tell is do you have any good stories to share about yourself?

in a word - no.
my job is not interesting. i don't have any interesting hobbies or do anything that anyone except another geek/nerd would find interesting.

self fulfilling prophecy

that stuff could be interesting if you make it. There are multiple issues here. You think this stuff is boring, but you haven't tried to to interesting things, plus youre giong for girls who you think wouldn't find your interests interesting anyway. See the problem? I would go out on a limb and just talk about your interests. Theres no hope anyway if you can't share at least 1 of them with a girl.

Also I think you should consider this. You get a first date because they WANT to know more about you. I mean they're already interested a little. Don't think its just some pity date because it really you chance to prove/sell yourself.

i've run into a lot of those... pity dates are always a possiblility

i wouldn't doubt that some of mine were pity dates.
plus i'm really bad at reading "signs". for instance, that girl that i went to lunch with a little over a year ago. she would always wave and smile at me. she would always come over to my desk and talk and rub my shoulders or touch my arm. i thought man, she likes me. no other girl had ever done anything like that before. so i asked her to lunch that one day, we went. seemed to go ok so like a week later i asked her if she would want to go do something sometime. she said yes but then every time i tried to actually do something, she would say she couldn't. she wouldn't even go to lunch with me anymore but yet she was still acting flirty and stuff.

well, later on i found out that she pretty much acted that way with a lot of the guys.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: BriGy86

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

well Im not here to boost your ego, but you've said yourself that you've been on serveral dates. So that means you aren't hopeless. Even if they went nowhere, some people have a hard enough time going on 1 date.

As for talking to girls, do you think you're interesting? An easy way to tell is do you have any good stories to share about yourself?

in a word - no.
my job is not interesting. i don't have any interesting hobbies or do anything that anyone except another geek/nerd would find interesting.

self fulfilling prophecy

that stuff could be interesting if you make it. There are multiple issues here. You think this stuff is boring, but you haven't tried to to interesting things, plus youre giong for girls who you think wouldn't find your interests interesting anyway. See the problem? I would go out on a limb and just talk about your interests. Theres no hope anyway if you can't share at least 1 of them with a girl.

Also I think you should consider this. You get a first date because they WANT to know more about you. I mean they're already interested a little. Don't think its just some pity date because it really you chance to prove/sell yourself.

i've run into a lot of those... pity dates are always a possiblility

its possible they aren't sure about you, but I never consider a date a pity date. And you shouldn't think like that anyway. I have just as good of a chance to impress a girl who isn't sure about me (no one forced her to go out with me), than a girl who is into me. Yeah maybe I'll get more slack from a girl that likes me, but in the end, shes either gonna like me or not and it will be based on how I present myself.

 

[BriGy86]

to seem interesting to other people talk about the most interesting thing in the universe, which is... themselves

talk to her and ask her questions to seem that your interested in her, because the most interesting thing for her to talk about is of course, herself but don't over do it and make it into and interogation, and also don't be afraid to anser questions she may ask you, its alright if it swaps side from time to time

you just don't want to be talking about yourself the ENTIRE time

 

[bsobel]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: bsobel

thats another thing. i like to kind of get to know a girl a little before i ask her out. like at work its easy because you could see how they act and stuff like that.

Stop that immediately When you first meet a woman, she knows (and you should also) within 5 minutes if she is interested in dating you. Getting to know her (especially with your personality [err, meant with kindness, not as a slam]) is not the way to play this.

I'm sure I'll get some grief for this, but seriously spend whatever they are asking and read this e-book. It's actually not as cheesy as it sounds (not trying to pimp someones work, but in your case, consider it an investment)

Bill

i'm looking for a girlfriend, not a one night stand.

I am well aware of that. My advice remains the same.

 

[notfred]

Don't try to meet women. Try to meet people in general. Meeting other guys is probably just as likely to get you a girlfriend as going straight after women is.

You say you have very few friends. Ok, make more. You can do this however you like. Join a book club, go to a LAN party, take a class, do ANYTHING that's social and has people you haven't met before. Don't even worry about whether or not there are girls there. When you're participating in this social activity, start talking to people. You can start talknig to people about anything. At a book club, you ask what someone's reading. At a LAN party, you talk about games or hardware, or whatever. If you take a class, you can talk about the subject matter. These things are easy to start conversations about in this sort of setting.

Now, you're talking to people - some of these people will like you. I don't mean that in a romatic way, I jsut mean that they'll find you to be a decent guy that they like hanging out with. Basically, you're making friends. Doesn't matter if it's with guys or girls. Eventually, you'll get fairly comfortable around these people. They'll start to say things like "I'm doing some activity at my house this weekend". Whenever someone invites you to anything, accept the invitation, even if the party/activity/whatever sounds kind of lame. Accept anyway, you have nothing to lose.

Now, following the above plan, you might have a met a guy at a LAN party who invited you to his house for a Mario Kart tournament. This is fine. When y ou get there, there will be other people there. You might meet his roommate, and his roommate's friends. You can talk to them, and you might make some friends with these people.

The point is, as long as you start being social, you're going to meet people, and these people will introduce you to more people. Eventually, you'll be meeting women, even if you started off doing some typically "nerdy guy" activity. Eventually, some of these women will like you. All you have to do is keep going to new places and starting conversations with new people. It doesn't have to be awkward, since you now have friends that are introducing these new people to you.

You're never going to meet anyone if you only stay home, or go to places where you already know everyone. Don't even worry about meeting women, just go out and you'll find the women eventually. Even if you don't meet any girls for a while, you'll have a lot more fun doing this stuff than you would have if you stayed home.

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: BriGy86

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: Eghck
"i'm shy, not very self-confident"

thats your biggest problem. If even you can't see your self worth, why or how would any girl?

yeah, probably. i just don't know how to fix that either.

well Im not here to boost your ego, but you've said yourself that you've been on serveral dates. So that means you aren't hopeless. Even if they went nowhere, some people have a hard enough time going on 1 date.

As for talking to girls, do you think you're interesting? An easy way to tell is do you have any good stories to share about yourself?

in a word - no.
my job is not interesting. i don't have any interesting hobbies or do anything that anyone except another geek/nerd would find interesting.

self fulfilling prophecy

that stuff could be interesting if you make it. There are multiple issues here. You think this stuff is boring, but you haven't tried to to interesting things, plus youre giong for girls who you think wouldn't find your interests interesting anyway. See the problem? I would go out on a limb and just talk about your interests. Theres no hope anyway if you can't share at least 1 of them with a girl.

Also I think you should consider this. You get a first date because they WANT to know more about you. I mean they're already interested a little. Don't think its just some pity date because it really you chance to prove/sell yourself.

i've run into a lot of those... pity dates are always a possiblility

i wouldn't doubt that some of mine were pity dates.
plus i'm really bad at reading "signs". for instance, that girl that i went to lunch with a little over a year ago. she would always wave and smile at me. she would always come over to my desk and talk and rub my shoulders or touch my arm. i thought man, she likes me. no other girl had ever done anything like that before. so i asked her to lunch that one day, we went. seemed to go ok so like a week later i asked her if she would want to go do something sometime. she said yes but then every time i tried to actually do something, she would say she couldn't. she wouldn't even go to lunch with me anymore but yet she was still acting flirty and stuff.

well, later on i found out that she pretty much acted that way with a lot of the guys.

we call that a "tease"

 

[Hyperblaze]

Originally posted by: notfred
Don't try to meet women. Try to meet people in general. Meeting other guys is probably just as likely to get you a girlfriend as going straight after women is.

You say you have very few friends. Ok, make more. You can do this however you like. Join a book club, go to a LAN party, take a class, do ANYTHING that's social and has people you haven't met before. Don't even worry about whether or not there are girls there. When you're participating in this social activity, start talking to people. You can start talknig to people about anything. At a book club, you ask what someone's reading. At a LAN party, you talk about games or hardware, or whatever. If you take a class, you can talk about the subject matter. These things are easy to start conversations about in this sort of setting.

Now, you're talking to people - some of these people will like you. I don't mean that in a romatic way, I jsut mean that they'll find you to be a decent guy that they like hanging out with. Basically, you're making friends. Doesn't matter if it's with guys or girls. Eventually, you'll get fairly comfortable around these people. They'll start to say things like "I'm doing some activity at my house this weekend". Whenever someone invites you to anything, accept the invitation, even if the party/activity/whatever sounds kind of lame. Accept anyway, you have nothing to lose.

Now, following the above plan, you might have a met a guy at a LAN party who invited you to his house for a Mario Kart tournament. This is fine. When y ou get there, there will be other people there. You might meet his roommate, and his roommate's friends. You can talk to them, and you might make some friends with these people.

The point is, as long as you start being social, you're going to meet people, and these people will introduce you to more people. Eventually, you'll be meeting women, even if you started off doing some typically "nerdy guy" activity. Eventually, some of these women will like you. All you have to do is keep going to new places and starting conversations with new people. It doesn't have to be awkward, since you now have friends that are introducing these new people to you.

You're never going to meet anyone if you only stay home, or go to places where you already know everyone. Don't even worry about meeting women, just go out and you'll find the women eventually. Even if you don't meet any girls for a while, you'll have a lot more fun doing this stuff than you would have if you stayed home.

best advice I've ever heard.

Damn, why couldn't you of mentioned this 20 years ago?

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: Hyperblaze

Originally posted by: notfred
Don't try to meet women. Try to meet people in general. Meeting other guys is probably just as likely to get you a girlfriend as going straight after women is.

You say you have very few friends. Ok, make more. You can do this however you like. Join a book club, go to a LAN party, take a class, do ANYTHING that's social and has people you haven't met before. Don't even worry about whether or not there are girls there. When you're participating in this social activity, start talking to people. You can start talknig to people about anything. At a book club, you ask what someone's reading. At a LAN party, you talk about games or hardware, or whatever. If you take a class, you can talk about the subject matter. These things are easy to start conversations about in this sort of setting.

Now, you're talking to people - some of these people will like you. I don't mean that in a romatic way, I jsut mean that they'll find you to be a decent guy that they like hanging out with. Basically, you're making friends. Doesn't matter if it's with guys or girls. Eventually, you'll get fairly comfortable around these people. They'll start to say things like "I'm doing some activity at my house this weekend". Whenever someone invites you to anything, accept the invitation, even if the party/activity/whatever sounds kind of lame. Accept anyway, you have nothing to lose.

Now, following the above plan, you might have a met a guy at a LAN party who invited you to his house for a Mario Kart tournament. This is fine. When y ou get there, there will be other people there. You might meet his roommate, and his roommate's friends. You can talk to them, and you might make some friends with these people.

The point is, as long as you start being social, you're going to meet people, and these people will introduce you to more people. Eventually, you'll be meeting women, even if you started off doing some typically "nerdy guy" activity. Eventually, some of these women will like you. All you have to do is keep going to new places and starting conversations with new people. It doesn't have to be awkward, since you now have friends that are introducing these new people to you.

You're never going to meet anyone if you only stay home, or go to places where you already know everyone. Don't even worry about meeting women, just go out and you'll find the women eventually. Even if you don't meet any girls for a while, you'll have a lot more fun doing this stuff than you would have if you stayed home.

best advice I've ever heard.

Damn, why couldn't you of mentioned this 20 years ago?

the only flaw i see is the friends of friends of friends etc. strategy

if you really jump through that many hoops it may take 20 years to find a date

the less hops the better

 

[Eeezee]

One word: Hookers

 

[BriGy86]

i also find it funny that women are all about confidence in a man, yet they are more self concious about their body and shy about asking others out than men are

its like some fat ugly loser that is going no where in life settling for nothing other than a gorgious, brilliant, wealthy super model

 

[notfred]

Originally posted by: BriGy86

Originally posted by: Hyperblaze

Originally posted by: notfred
...stuff...

best advice I've ever heard.

Damn, why couldn't you of mentioned this 20 years ago?

the only flaw i see is the friends of friends of friends etc. strategy

if you really jump through that many hoops it may take 20 years to find a date

the less hops the better

I see where that viewpoint could come from, but in my experience you usually start meeting girls that like you pretty quickly. It's not like you have to go through thirty layers of "friends of friends" to meet someone.

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: notfred

Originally posted by: BriGy86

Originally posted by: Hyperblaze

Originally posted by: notfred
...stuff...

best advice I've ever heard.

Damn, why couldn't you of mentioned this 20 years ago?

the only flaw i see is the friends of friends of friends etc. strategy

if you really jump through that many hoops it may take 20 years to find a date

the less hops the better

I see where that viewpoint could come from, but in my experience you usually start meeting girls that like you pretty quickly. It's not like you have to go through thirty layers of "friends of friends" to meet someone.

lol, yeah if it were and endurence journy that would suck

 

[CKent]

Have you considered whether you really want a relationship or are just being herded into it by society & peer pressure? I never did see the appeal of spending all my time with a person whose only interest is in social doings, pretending to care for 2 hours daily while they relay their day at work to me, being nagged constantly about everything and anything and having to remember 50 arbitrary days per year which are just like every other day but supposedly mean something... I did it for a while anyway, mostly for the nookie, but then I realized "services" are far cheaper and entail none of the maintenance, thus allowing me far more free time. I'm much happier now. Some people are just wired differently I guess.

 

[saahmed]

I am 18, and have the same problem. Though, I am not really a geek/nerd. I am shy but kind of breaking out of it due to my new job as a salesman. I am into sports. And do other things beside computer/ video games/ books.

 

[Xylitol]

Go hide in your hole

In due seriousness
Talk with your friends if they've ever hooked up

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: saahmed
I am 18, and have the same problem.

19 here, and is disappointing and depressing to constantly have my cynical, jaded, and pessemistic views be proved right time and time again

 

[SuperSix]

Originally posted by: Nik
Men?

Hahahahaha!


:thumbsup:

 

[Hyperblaze]

Originally posted by: saahmed
I am 18, and have the same problem. Though, I am not really a geek/nerd. I am shy but kind of breaking out of it due to my new job as a salesman. I am into sports. So not a total geek.

Then you have 7 years ahead of him! Seriously, read notfred's advice! I figured it out (what notfred said) a few years ago. Sadly, by that time, the women I interacted with had dwindled significationally. So I joined a bunch of social organizations. Made a bunch of new female friends.

I wish i had known all about this way back when.

 

[Cooler]

Seems atot needs club DHG

Dateless Hopeless Geeks.

 

[Xylitol]

Originally posted by: Cooler
Seems atot needs club DHG

Dateless Hopeless Geeks.

:laugh:
They moved in on 8/28/2005 when I joined AT

 

[Hyperblaze]

Originally posted by: Cooler
Seems atot needs club DHG

Dateless Hopeless Geeks.

it's all about attitude. No one is ever hopeless.

You are a loser only if you THINK you are loser.

If you are a winner, folks see it. It's really not that complicated.

 

[pontifex]

heh, this thread was actually going pretty well until the last few posts.